Advice please 😔

[bandicoot1987]

Hi guys, hoping someone can offer some words of wisdom, I've posted on here before, not for a little while.

So my partner is currently battling depression, he has had MS for 6 years and still can not accept it bless him. His depression seems to be getting worse, it has not helped that he took himself off of his antidepressants a month ago and still hasn't called the doctor to tell them, But he was getting worse long before this.

He stopped his meds because he feels that they could be affecting his speech.

I try to help him in every way I possibly can but I honestly don't think he cares much about anything anymore and I'm absolutely exhausted.

I also feel quite down myself someday and this is definitely not the sort of person I am.

I'm always so alive and happy, laughing, energetic and enthusiastic and now I find myself just wanting to burst into tears.

We spend so much time together and yet I still feel so alone, he won't talk to me, at all. Not just about his problems but in general, he never has anything to say, we can go a whole day with no conversation, infact it's like it most days.

I don't know what else I can do to help him, I've been trying for over 6 years, I'm starting to feel so fed up but I don't want to give up on him, but this isn't fair on me, I feel like I'm catching it or something, all of my drive is just dissappearing and I feel emotionally drained with no one to talk to xx

[jimeka]

May be it’s time you put yourself first for a change. Do something for you, have a day off, before you really start getting depressed. Look after you as otherwise you will be no good to look after your partner. He needs to talk to someone, maybe you could set up a video consultation, that way he doesn’t have to leave the house. Please feel free to vent on here at any time and let us know how you get on, Blessings Jimeka 🤗

[agapepilgrim]

I typed a lot of words of advice and then they disappeared so maybe they weren’t meant to be said. I understand. I care. I’ve been there. We had to go to a Christian marriage counselor to keep our relationship together. I have MS. I rebel against taking my anti depressants but I become suicidal If I don’t. It’s my responsibility though to accept that. It’s tough and humiliating. Prayer helps a lot. Hopefully he will go to counseling with you.

[pamgarner]

i am so sorry for you,what stress when you know a loved one is having a problem and you can't seem to help them.have you tried to call his dr and let them know he stopped taking his anti depressant and for advice and if finds out you called and gets angry.oh well.your well being is #1,you can't help him for you are in the pits

[goatgal]

First of all, you can't help your partner when you are feeling this way. As others advise, take care of yourself. Find a therapist who will help you understand the burden you are carrying and keep you from falling into a pit of despair. If that's not an option, think of other ways to relieve the stress; take a class, join a walking group or a gym, set times aside for lunch with a friend. Some of these options are difficult during the pandemic, but a solo walk in a nearby park is always available. But whatever you do, please take care of yourself, and stay in touch here.

[Amore55]

As others stated, you are the first priority. Your partner needs to be educated that speech problems are a common situation with MS. I feel confident that his meds would not cause this, but a doctor should confirm this. But please take care of yourself and continue to love your partner. Seek whatever assistance available, such as in home help. Many hugs and much love. Kelly May I private message you?

[bandicoot1987 in reply to Amore55]

Of course xx

[greaterexp]

It breaks my heard to hear the sadness you feel right now. I'm concerned for both of you.

Taking oneself off of antidepressants when one is still depressed is a warning sign to be taken seriously. I do hope you have tried to inform his doctor of this. There are so many antidepressants available, so if one doesn't work well, there are others to try alone or in combination with other therapies.

I do hope you keep in mind that you can't really be in charge of him. You may help him to a point, and you certainly have, but he is still ultimately in charge of his choices. Please don't take on the guilt of not being able to help him more. Once you have informed his doctor, the rest is up to him. But do watch carefully for sign of suicidal thoughts or actions and call the suicide hotline for help:

suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

For the ones with the disease, it can be very easy to take for granted what caregivers do and how stressed and weary you can become. You've been given some excellent suggestions for taking care of yourself. Please know how grateful we are that you are so devoted and committed to his care, and that you obviously sacrifice a lot to maintain this relationship. Making sure you get breaks will only enhance your ability to be there for him. Allowing yourself to become depressed and stressed won't help either of you. If you can find some help with his care so you can have a break will keep you both healthier.

Please come and vent here whenever you need to and please let us know how you both are coping.

[JTZES]

There is so much to be said here. Your no use if you are as down as what he is. With his depression it doesn't sound like he has any expectations of you but he needs to get back on antidepressants. As mentioned earlier if I wasn't on them suicide would be a great option. Still think about it every night.

My spouse still works but really doesn't hold me to any expectations. She can get home at 6:30 and I can be in bed for the night by 7:30.

Our conversation is very limited due to the fact that I have days where I do absolutely nothing so there is nothing to talk about other than her work day.

She is a medical professional and understands where I'm at.

Getting back to your husband you would have never thought your life would turn out like this and how much of a failure you now are. I can't be intimate with my wife and don't necessarily want to but there to many hours in the day.I don't know how physically capable your husband is but he needs something to be responsible for. The one thing that keeps me going is my lap dog that I got a couple of years ago and I take full care of him. It has been my game changer.

With my wife being in health care I am aware of the fact that it may take awhile too figure out which combination of antidepressants work the best and he needs to get back on them.

Take care of yourself and when he finds acceptance hopefully it will turn things around and you'll be ready for it.

[JTZES]

I know this sounds weird but if your able to stream Zoey's Incredible Playlist. There is a mentality disabled actor that I learned a lot from and so could you.

[Midgey_Midge06 in reply to JTZES]

That's a great idea!

[Midgey_Midge06]

Ditto to so much said here.

His doctor needs to know he stopped taking his meds as this can be dangerous depending on what the drug is, how long he was on it & if he stopped cold turkey. My sister was Effexor for 10 plus years and stopped w o the help of a doctor and well... Its all bad.

Also there r other MS groups out there he can talk to so u each have a forum to go and ask questions. Such as how to go about finding a speech therapist. Many with MS do speech therapy to help with throat issues etc.

Do what u can. Do what he will allow. Then leave it up to him.

Take care of u. As many said in order for u to be at ur best to take care of ur partner u have to do self care.

Please do let us know how u r doing.

As said stopping an antidepressant can be dangerous and we will be praying for a good outcome

[mrsmike9]

You know how alcoholics have partners who also get caught up in their disease? I think it sounds like this is happening to you as well. Get YOURSELF checked out for depression, and on the way, ask how you can/should do about him. But put on your air mask first before you help the next one on the plane.

I learned years ago that when someone is in a stressful situation long enough (and you have been) it can actually change the chemicals in that persons' brain so They now are dealing with depression. My husband was in that situation where he was stressed from things for several years with his business and now is on depression meds. Please look out for You, first.

[Neworleanslady]

Go to counseling maybe. If he won’t listwn to you about counseling, ask a doctor to prescribe it (without letting tour partner know you spoke with the doctor)

[Neworleanslady]

Also get him involved (and you if you want) in a service project for others like delivering meals on wheels or humane society or something

[bandicoot1987 in reply to Neworleanslady]

Unfortunately we are trying to run 2 businesses so that's taking up all of my time x

[hairbrain4]

I say ditto to what everyone else has said. I would like to add one more thing...pray. Ask Jesus for help and I can promise you that He will if you let Him. He has gotten me through some of the worst depression I have ever experienced and I have fought depression most of my life. I am praying for you.