Gosh gee wow gewilikers and other words of amazement and appreciation. This morning I opened my eyes pulled the curtains back shivered and looked outside. Same view as yesterday but colder and less windy. Told my Mother good morning and laid back in my bed under the covers. What a beautiful day, not a cloud in the blue sky, just chirping birds. What a great day to be alive and mostly functional. I am not sure what more there is. Tonight if it is nor to cold I wulll gaze into the distant past. Okay not so distant I can not see that well these days. I will wonder who and what is looking back at me? I will give them a wave, that is just polite and I am a fan of politeness for the most part. No, I will just look up and wonder. Wonder what is next for me, what is next for us. I would like to think that there is more, but I accept that this is probably just my fear. I know now and yesterday not tomorrow. Never tomorrow, that is an adventure that I must face in the future. I can only influence my now my next words. What tomorrow brings is for tomorrow. I will do what I can in each moment to make tomorrow as painless might I say as good as I can, but I must wait.
That is all I think I can ask of myself. I will walk up and down the steps, do my flutter kicks perhaps some push ups and sit ups. Exercise, I will eat healthy not smoke or drink and stay positive until tonight when I will look at the nights sky and wonder.
Royce (the tortured writer)
come join me be amazed
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RoyceNewton
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๐งRoyce, I get it,I do. Sometimes I just want to hide under my covers and close my eyes and shut out the world. I have been particularly depressed lately because I have been in such horrible pain and I couldnโt get one-of my health care team to even listen to me. If you are a tortured soul then you must be well acquainted with 4of my favorites: Rimbaud, Poe, Brent Mydland and Jim Morrison. When I start reading or listening to them, I know I am spiraling down into my dark place. But I know that if I let myself get there itโs a very hard climb back out. So, I try to focus on what is good in my life: my grandkids, my kids, my husband, my dogs and my horse, my beautiful red rocks that surround where we live, and even The cloudless blue sky. And I force myself up even if I scream in pain, and I get moving because I know if I donโt I never will again. None of us knows whatโs ahead, but sometimes if you try to focus on the here and now it gets you back up and going again. Itโs one of the hardest things that we do. But if we donโt, we are missing what could turn out to be an otherwise good day. In the meantime, just remember we have all been there and we are here for you. ๐ต๐๐จ๐ฟโ๐ป๐๐ค ๐ค ๐น๐
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