I still don’t have any Copaxone. My mom passed away, left the life insurance to my brother (she thought that I would be a successful lawyer- so I wouldn’t need my half.)
My brother has only visited her once since 2007. She spent the last 4 years in a nursing home, with me responsible for keeping her Medicaid eligible. My husband emptied her condo single handedly. We were supposed to get what was left in her bank accounts. Now they have forced me into probate and my brother will get half of anything left after court costs, filing fees and attorneys fees.
I thought that life would be less stressful with my mom out of the nursing home. But not one person has sent me a sympathy card, called me to offer condolences or recognized my loss beyond commenting on my Facebook post. The silence is deafening. Why doesn’t God send someone to care about me? I have been there for SO MANY people that didn’t even post a comment. I am isolated from people and nobody will ever be wondering if I am OK!
Life Blows!
Written by
TracyBelle
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Tracy – Your story is so familiar to me. Different details but same dynamic. I think when our families look at us, they see a strong, resilient spirit, someone who always seems to know what to do, able to leap tall buildings with a single bound. We just think of it as being responsible, unable to let ourselves give up for our sake and for those we love. And so, we continue to get out of bed, put our feet on the floor, put one foot in front of the other, while wondering why our siblings and others around us seem so helpless with problems far less than circumstances we deal with. Sometimes I’ve wondered if my life would have been easier if I had been the helpless flower instead of my sister. But the very thought of being that person is something so foreign to me I can’t fathom it. The hard part about being strong is nobody ever asks if you’re okay. They just assume. If they had to confront you telling them you’re not okay, they wouldn’t know how to respond anyway. So, is being strong a blessing or a curse? When I consider if I’d choose to be them, I wouldn’t. Maybe that’s the answer. I know the hurt and disappointment, wishing someone would call or write just to offer moral support, let us know that they know our life is hard and they think about us, they love us, they care, we’re on their minds. Not because we want pity. Just some human kindness. It means so much to me if someone reaches out to me and says I’ve been on their mind and they ask how I’m doing. That’s all. It doesn’t seem like it should be so hard. I know that painful silence. I know the struggle, and while I’m not family or someone close, I care whether you are okay or not and I’m sending a warm hug. It’s hard being the strong ones. But we’re going to be okay. Much love to you.
Do sorry! Sorry for the loss of your mom, sorry for the situation you are in, sorry things are not happening the way you expected. Sorry you are having to deal with all of this.
Stay strong, carry on, take a deep breath, don’t give up, just keep being you and try not to stress
Tracy I am so sorry for your loss last year my uncle passed on March 23rd he put me down as the person to take care of his funeral and any and all bills, papers etc
The day that he passed away what did my sister and brother do they went over to his apartment and went through his papers
Now you need to realize I don’t do stairs and he lives on the second floor. They said to me they were going to close out his apartment no they didn’t. Now my uncle didn’t have much and my brother found a will that I really think someone made him make it Now my brother said to me that I need to pay for a lawyer and have him get involved. One my uncle never told me about a will the first I say my brother was bugging my what to do. I have not said anything to my siblings about his affairs.
The other day I finally got his wallet from my sister really what do these people think it’s easy to deal with someone’s affairs. And on top of that grieve for the loss of a loved one
Good luck to you I’m sorry I went on about my own problems but I do know what you mean.
My heart breaks for you for the loss of your mom and the lack of support from friends and family. It's such a shock to realize that the people whom you thought would be there for you simply aren't.
Sometimes I think it can help to be straightforward with those folks and tell them what you need from them. As KerryOakie stated, people can assume that you are strong and don't need anything. Once you've told them (in love) what you need, then any lack of help is completely on them, and you certainly know where you stand in those relationships. I hope that your honesty with them will wake them up and they will realize that you all can be a team to deal with the issues. I hope this dynamic changes in the future once you get the ball rolling.
You are in my prayers. Please let us know when you can how you are doing. We care about one another here.
Sorry for the loss of your mom. Stay strong and tell people what you need help with. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they don't think to ask how you're doing or if you need anything.
When my dad passed away my youngest sister got stuck taking care of most of the details simply because she lived the closest to where he was. I was stationed overseas and couldn't do a whole lot to help with much of anything. But because my dad was a Marine Vietnam Vet, I was able to get my sister in touch with the local VA and American Legion. They helped with quite a few of the details for the funeral and getting some of his medical equipment turned back in. The USMC paid for my dad's headstone. It's not a big headstone but it looks really nice.
Just ask for help and tell people what need. If they don't help that's on them and just keep that in the back of your head the next time they ask for any favors.
Thoughts and prayers go out to you, always, TracyBelle I agree with some in this forum that suggested you reach out to ask for assistance. If they do not help, then that is on them, not you.
I don’t have any one to reach out to. When I texted my neighbor and former Bible study classmate, she said “She is with Jesus now”. Not How are you holding up, or is there anything I could do for you? No sympathy card or floral delivery. When her husband was sick with cancer 2 years ago, I kept up with his prognosis and treatments. I prayed for her, but she never asked me how I was. (My mom had fallen unattended in the nursing home and had a destroyed knee cap. The injury made her unable to walk and so they never sat her on the toilet after that.) I never mentioned my problems to her then because she was so afraid of losing her husband. He has been recovered more than a year. I texted her about my mom, because she otherwise would have no way of knowing she passed away. But her reply was actually a slap in the face. I already know that my mom is in a better place, and obviously she is in Heaven. I was just hoping for a comforting word about my loss. I am the one left behind to grieve. Alone, unconsoled, unacknowledged, invisible and with out so much as a sympathy card. (Unless you count the ones sent from the nursing home and hospice company.)
TracyBelle I am here for you, if only in thoughts and prayers. I do know how tough it is but hang in there. Similar thing happened when my mother passed, and over time, things did get better. I have a photo of her on my dresser, and I think of her often. I have a bell next to her photo, and I ring it every once and while. Little things like that make me smile.
TracyBelle your story is so familiar. I have 4 siblings Nd none of them would help me in taking care of my mom or my dad. When each became incapacitated, I had to find nursing home, keep up with Medicaid, etc etc etc. I alone had to empty her mobile home (on Christmas weekend no less) get rid of 60 pair of shoes, find buyer for it, etc etc etc. when they died (10 yrs apart) I was only one who took care of funeral burial etc. The others said let the state give them paupers grave. And yet both parents bragged I n the other four, my dad would not even acknowledge me when I would visit him, my mother would say I bad I looked, etc etc. And, yes, no one was there with compassion or sympathy. Without my husband I would have crashed out of this life permanently. And, God helped me tremendously reminding me of His unconditional love. So I did what love would do, and swallowed hard that they never showed me an ounce of love like they did the others. Life is unfair, difficult, and a climb to the mountaintop all the way. This site is so encouraging. I was so angry and depressed I dropped out for about a year, angry at the entire world, and having suicidal thoughts. But, somehow, by Gods grace, I am still here, still trying to forgive my parents and siblings, but there is so much hurt I know I will take it with me to the grave. And that’s okay for you and me. We are not gods, we are humans ina fallen world living with cruel ungodly unloving people. I refuse to become me of them. I continue to quote the prayer of St Francis: where there is hatred let me sow love. Where is sadness let me sow joy, ..........I will continue to keep that as my goal. Let this site help you as it as helped me. Sometimes my only social encouragement comes from here. My FB friends don’t have a clue.
Oh, this post brought forth so many hurting people!!! I feel for you all. Everyone has pain (mentally) but this group must be carrying the majority of the load. I have my share but nothing compared to yours. My blessings be heaped upon you all to help you through trials.
TracyBelle I am so sorry what you are having to go through. We all have similar stories. I have mine too. It hurts so deeply that family can be this way. And oh let's add some MS into the mixture!! Keep being strong, keep being you. Keep in touch with this group! You are never alone here. Even if none of us ever meet, people here care about you. I haven't been able to be here much, but I know we're all here to give you a big virtual hug whenever you need it. Or a funny joke if you need a laugh. Please stay connected and let us know how you are doing. Big hug to you!!! Hang in there!!
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at my wits end and so is my mom
Not Again
Falling again. No, not in love...
Back in the hospital again.
