My Mom passed away

[TracyBelle]

A week ago today my mother passed away while I held her hand. It was as peaceful as it possibly could be. She had been confined to a nursing home for the last 4 years, so it is a relief that she won’t suffer anymore. I am still in shock I guess. There is nobody to help me with the obituary and I can’t make myself write it. That will make it so final. I am not good at planning or figuring things out. MS stole who I was before, a competent attorney. Now I can barely get motivated to leave my house. The only place I have gone for years was to visit my mom. It seems like I won’t ever leave again now. My coping skills are nonexistent.

[jimeka]

I am so sorry TracyBelle , I know what it feels like. There is a void, that you think no one but your mum can fill. All I can say is, that as time goes by, it does get a little easier to handle. My mum passed 6 years ago, I miss her most when her grandchildren and great grandchildren get some good news at school, or they excel at their jobs. She was always there ready to receive the news and share in the good news, as I am sure your mum was. As you said, she is now free of pain. I still talk to my mum, it helps me cope, as for the obituary, write it as though you are having a compnversation with her, remember the good times that you had, write it from the heart. Be assured that your mum was very proud of you, big hug, blessings Jimeka 🤗

[CalfeeChick CommunityAmbassador]

I'm very Sorry TracyBelle , I also lost my mom after she'd been in a convalescent hospital many years. There are many cliche comments we could make, but I can tell you from experience that given time, you will always be glad that you were with her holding her hand as she went home to be the arms of our Loving Lord and Angels. It's been over 20 years now I also went through some of the same feelings you are experiencing, your Mom would want you to continue with strength & holding loving memories in your heart. As far as the obituary, write of her love for you (and any other children, grandchildren,) write a brief overview of her life, schools, careers, social, church or other groups. Perhaps you have a friend or one of her friends to help you write the obituary. Now is the time to lean on friends, family and us. No matter what, we are here for you. Your mom and others wouldn't want you to just stay home, use the time you would of spent visiting to do something for you, volunteer, take a class, go to the library or something that interests you. Sending hugs for you.

Blessings, Lynn

[TracyBelle in reply to CalfeeChick]

I have not had a car of my own since 2011. I have to share with my husband and 17 year old son, so I don’t really have access to get out of my house. I don’t qualify for “paratransit”, because I don’t have mobility issues, just financial issues. If we did get another car, I would want my son to have it so he could drive himself to school and track. I don’t think God wants me to be part of the outside world. I know that if by some unforeseen miracle we could afford 3 cars, God would take away my ability to drive for some other reason. I am meant to be alone, locked away from the rest of the world in solitary confinement.

Not 1 person has called me to ask me if I need anything, if I am doing OK or how the loss of my mother is affecting my health. There is no one to care about me besides my husband and my son. My husband is offended when I say that I feel lonely. He has no idea why his love alone is not enough for me. He says that people are always asking him about me, and he doesn’t get it that I need someone to ask me about me. But those people are really asking about how his wife is- they don’t care enough to contact me themselves. He says “well they don’t have your number”. If they wanted my number they could just ask my husband for it, or even just send a sympathy card.

As I stated before LIFE BLOWS

[CalfeeChick CommunityAmbassador in reply to TracyBelle]

You'll get through this, just keep on coming here, it's OK to vent..

[kdali]

Aww, so sorry. It’s still hard when you are relieved that they will not suffer anymore. My mom talks to her parents photos a lot, and I think it helps.

[falalalala]

I'm sorry for your loss and hope you find a way through this.

[RoseySawyer]

I'm sorry for your loss. ❤🌷

[Peruzzot]

Sorry for your loss. Try to get some help for the obituary from some of your mom's friends and write from the heart. Don't become a shut in that will not help you feel any better, only worse. Find something in your area that is of interest to you to get involved in.

[TracyBelle in reply to Peruzzot]

I wish that I had a close friend or family member to lean on. The only condolences I have received came from the nursing home and the hospice company. My mom took me off of her life insurance policy when she believed that I would soon be practicing law. Now the whole amount goes to my brother in Austin, who had moved and changed his phone number without even telling me. He had only seen my mom 2 times since 2007. He never called me to see how she was, or called on holidays. I have carried the burden of her care alone all these years- but he gets the payout.

Life BLOWS!

[CalfeeChick CommunityAmbassador in reply to TracyBelle]

My step-son was in a similar situation when his mother passed away leaving a sizeable estate to the "Good" daughter, not him or the other sister because he couldn't "fix" his sister's lifestyle (lesbian) He sued the estate and was able to get a good portion of the estate for the left-out sister. You may want to consult an attorney. If you were court appointed conservator, It's possible Mom wasn't legally able to change will. Just some thoughts, I was conservator for MIL amd could of charged estate for my 10 yrs of service, but chose not to.. Try talking to your brother is possibly the best approach when he is located which he will have to be located because of the will.

[janetb1968 in reply to TracyBelle]

Have u got a solicitor or a lawyer helping u? That sounds an awful situation ur in and very unfair! Xxxxxxxxxxx

[SueAB]

I'm so sorry to hear you have lost your Mom, TracyBelle. My Mom will be 94 in April and lives across the country, so I don't see her as often as you did your Mom, but I will miss her like crazy when she's gone. Sending you good thoughts and hope that tomorrow will be a little easier for you!

[nicoly3467]

TracyBelle,

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom. This must be so painful and it does take time to process this. My deepest condolences and sympathy.

I lost my Mom on Valentine’s Day in 2013 and this holiday has never been the same since, but it has become easier for me to deal with now in honoring her life & treasuring the memories, but I still miss her.

Nikki 🌷

[CalfeeChick CommunityAmbassador in reply to nicoly3467]

Sorry for your loss also nicoly3467 My Father passed on Father's day, 1981. I try to honor my hubby on that day. There is always memories of my sweet Daddy on that day.💖💖

[AngieRowe]

I am so sorry.

[Hidden]

Hi Tracy. I'm so sorry about you're mom. I lost my mom in 2001. She too was in a nursing home but she had only been there 2 months. I was shocked when they called and said she had passed. I had hoped when that time came I could be with her holding her hand, but she was alone. It was a blessing for you and for her that you were able to be there with her holding her hand. Besides the grief of losing my mom, my grief was multiplied thinking about her being alone when that time came. I still talk to her when I'm scared or lonely, and sometimes I feel her presence. Whether real or my imagination, she still comforts me. Our moms never really leave us in spirit. Don't isolate. Sending thoughts of peace and solace.

[greaterexp]

It's hard to know what to say at times like these. I'm sorry for the pain and loss you surely feel. I'm sorry that you feel overwhelmed, too. A kind friend reminded me at a time when I felt desolated and overwhelmed to "just do the next thing."

I hope you will lean on us here for support and understanding. So many of us have faced a loss, too, and we are here for you. Please let us know how you're doing as you feel up to it. We care.

[janetb1968]

I am so sorry for your loss I really am......there is no feeling like this emptiness and the loss of your mum is indescribable, I know I’ve been there! I’m sending u a big hug from the UK and if u want to message me about what’s happened please do xxxxxxxxx ❤️ I lost my mum in 2007 and then my lovely dad in 2009 so I know where u are coming from xxxxxxxx Blessings and thoughts to u honey xxxxxxx ❤️

[quegh]

You have my sympathies and I am sorry for your loss.

[ssdw1958]

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom has been gone for26 years which some times it just feels like a couple of years I do have to say it takes a least 2 years before you will not feel them or think about her every day. But I do call for her lately I think we all do that when we are not feeling well. Take it easy is there any one else that can help you will the obituary you know you can ask the funeral director that’s there job and they are a good one that can help you. Again I am so sorry for your loss.

[leking1]

TracyBelle, my heart aches for you. I am so sorry that you have lost your Mother and that you have lost any support group around you.

Please know that you are not alone. My love and my prayers are with you.

[carolek572 CommunityAmbassador]

So sorry for your loss, TracyBelle . When writing the obituary, think about all the times when you were with your mom that made you happy and hold those cherished thoughts in your heart.

[CalfeeChick CommunityAmbassador]

Oh my TracyBelle looking at all the caring responses! Many good thoughts and suggestions. You are certainly cared about here. As is said, with time, the depth of your pain will lessen and you will have good memories. I am still getting over the loss of my brother. Although we were not close, I found his grave last Memorial Day when I went to tend my parents grave. He passed on Christmas night, Dec 25, 2017. I was able to talk with the funeral director, but never heard back from any of his 3 adult children, nor was I advised of his passing.

[mrsmike9]

Oh, I am so very sorry. There is a gap in your life that will not be filled. Allow yourself time to heal but know that time will lessen the pain. Blessing to you.