Having just written this I have to warn "YOU". I wrote this about mostly my coping. It may "NOT" be right for "YOU". SEEK professional help if that is what you need. Take medicines if that is what "YOU" need. I am a trained pilot not any type of therapist or doctor. I can not give "YOU" your 100% guaranteed solution, just maybe some advice.
On to today's email. What is your answer? Mine was to cry and cry hard. Enough, so that my mother really started to worry. I am not a big drug taker so my mother just talked to me, and I sat outside in the light of the day around the trees, grass under my feet. I planted myself and very slowly started to put myself back together again. I thought it was rubbish, but with eating right, drinking lots of water just breathing and listening to some weird music I started to come back. It was not fast but as "YOU" read, it did actually happen, to my total amazement.
Sometimes just taking the time and making a conscious effort to calm ourselves is really what we need. Maybe those old time hermits did have something. I did not try to stop my tears, I just let them flow. Emotions are strange, controlling them does not work very well, I have found that accepting them & being as conscious as I can of them and their causes helps. My body does not have a deficit of xyz drug so I always look for another way, and that has worked pretty well for me. That is not to say that after 20 years I never cry anymore, what I used to be and what I am now are completely opposite, but I accept that. I accept what I do not have any more, what can never be. Enjoy the memories and try to make my tears ones of melancholy, not total fear and terror.
We all live with a disease that I prefer to say is diabolically mischevious. It moves in sneaky silent ways. It can give me emotions that I did not know I had and had long ago been buried. Then all of a sudden without warning shove them front and centre in my face. This is what it does, this is how it acts. Constantly fighting it takes more energy than I have. Just do what I can to weaken it, and making me stronger I have found is my best defence It is far from perfect but it is my defence, controlled by me and adjusted when circumstances change.
There are tools out there, techniques to help me and "YOU" learn to cope. Find what is best for you. Or perhaps what just works for a while. Medicine is good but it does not solve every problem, just be careful and maybe allow yourself to have weird and wacky emotions.
A memory that I always go back to, is flying along one night. Nobody around me, no radio noise, just me and an engine throbbing away steadily and the inky pitch black of night. All alone by myself, nobody around for miles. Just me soaring through the sky. I looked up and all there was, was lights in the heavens. Little white dots so far away and me in the blackness. Just me alone with my thoughts and that humming engine. That memory has got me through many a nights pain, I have others and perhaps they are for another day.
Until then my friend, take care of yourself, be kind and just "DO" this illness as best as "YOU" can, no judgement.
Royce
Just remembering and smiling a little
You guys make me cry 😭
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