Depression Through the Roof

[TracyBelle]

I am having a terrible time with my emotions, my reactions to normal situations and thoughts of ending it. My mind is completely out of my control, my thoughts control me, but nothing can control my emotional overreactions to life. What makes PBA and related emotional response brain damage manageable?

[SometimesCrazy]

Hi, I'll leave these questions to be answered by somebody better qualified but I noticed you had just posted this so I wanted to let you know I'm here right now and I care!🤗

[SometimesCrazy]

I guess I hit the reply button?! The name I picked SometimesCrazy is because that's me!!! Depends on which day depends on how crazy. One day is good them the following week sucks K. You are not alone and I think winter makes it worse too. At least for me. Xxoo

[CalfeeChick CommunityAmbassador]

TracyBelle I just wanted to let you know that we are here and care about you. I'm going to try to do a little research and get back to you. In the meantime, I suggest you put PBA & depression into the search area here or in Google. This time of year is tough on everyone. It's either too cold, deary, too much snow, rain and not enough sunshine to pick up our spirits. Here is some reading for you. If you feel the need, please call someone, a friend, pastor or a helpline.

mymsaa.org/PDFs/MSAA.Depres...

mymsaa.org/publications/dep...

mymsaa.org/ms-information/s...

[jodigirl750 in reply to CalfeeChick]

Thank you SO MUCH CalfeeChick for these references!! Very, very helpful!!

[Kenu]

TracyBelle This crazy MS does strange things to our emotions and the fact we have MS is hard to deal with😵. I have been on Cymbalta for 23 years and seems to take the edge off. My main source is meditating and prayers, lots of them🙏🙏🙏. I go where it’s quite and dark (bed) and ask the Lord for his help to release the stress, anxiety, and depression.......It usually changes my attitude and helps me relax. We are all here to listen and support for you 👍 CalfeeChick supplied some good souces and reading helps take your thoughts away from depression. It’s hard,but hang in there 👌 My prayers are with you 😉🙏🙏🙏🙏 Ken

[TracyBelle]

I am on the highest dose of PBA med, and have taken Wellbutrin FOREVER I recently started Cymbalta but I am not any better. My Dr said I need to retrain my thinking but I don’t have a car to go to a cognitive behavioral Dr once a week in.

[Good_enough in reply to TracyBelle]

Some times a switch, or a new anti depression medication takes time until you notice effects. Be patient

[bxrmom in reply to Good_enough]

I agree, sometimes a medication switch or dose increase is sometimes needed. We are all here if you want to talk. Do you have a ttherapist or counselor to talk to? That always helped me when I was in a very bad place.

Gent me hugs,

Jessie 😎

[TracyBelle]

My mom is in a Medicaid nursing home and I am solely responsible for her care. I know that my MS affects my interactions with the people who care for her. I have to force myself to go there

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador in reply to TracyBelle]

Hi TracyBelle I'm sorry your feeling like this.😕 Its rough! I'm having a really bad day also. And really doubting what I'm really doing here. And it's only 830 in the morning.😭

I don't know much about PBA but depression!?😐 I hate it! And unfortunately, it is part of my life, just like my MS. So I try to accept it for what it is, give it it's day. And Smile the next.😊

As far as your mom goes? Is there anyone to help you?😊 And start keeping notes of questions for them, for when you see them next. Just an idea

Jes 🌠

[Raingrrl in reply to Jesmcd2]

Jesmcd2 ...whenever the depression grabs ahold of you...please try to remember the positive impact you have on so many here.

[ssdw1958]

I know with everything that goes on with your medical issues can get you down and it being winter and being stuck in the house can really stink. You really need to ask your doctor questions on how to get out of that whole. I was feeling like that about a year and half ago. I did say something to my son he was 28 years old he made an appointment to talk with someone from his church, thatn night, so I went and spoke with him which was good. It made me realize it wasn’t all me it was other things in my life that sucked and I also realized I had been on Lyrica but had stopped taking it about a week earlier, you know that medicine stays in your system a lot longer than I thought. I did get my life in a better place it was a couple of weeks (2) after that that things started to get a little bit better. It did take a while.

What I’m trying to say find someone to talk too this guy I talked to wasn’t from my church but I knew him but maybe because he was a different person it made it easier to spill everything that was bugging me onto him. What I’m trying to say find someone to talk to.

Life some days really stink but most of them aren’t really that bad. Good luck to you sorry for talking that long.

I say a prayer for you.

Sandra

[MSAA_Staff]

Hi TracyBelle ,

In addition to the wonderful resources that CalfeeChick posted, MSAA also has a video on PBA that you might find helpful: mymsaa.org/videos/pba-kantor

As always, if you would ever like to speak with someone about any specific challenges you are facing, please feel free to reach out to one of our Client Services Specialists by phone at [phone], extension 154, by email at [e-mail], or by using the chat feature on MSAA's website: mymsaa.org/msaa-help/mschat/

Take care,

Emily from MSAA

[4fishylady]

TracyShort, I was on Cymbalta for 18 mo. and did not find it to do much but make me numb to laughter, crying and any other feelings. Without consulting any doctor, I slowly weaned myself off, but found I needed a lot of help to really get off of it. It may not be working on you as it should, as It is a very strong drug, that has been oversold by the pharmaceutical co. You need to tell your doctor how you are feeling. They do take you very seriously, if you let them know! If you need some other drug along with this one, or other drugs entirely, you need to let them know so they can help you. When I finally asked for help, I was given Lexapro, and then Xanax to use until the Lexapro took effect, (about a month). I was suicidal, so I do understand where you are coming from. This was one of the scariest times in my life, and it was only a few months ago. Please call your doctor, and if one doesn't help you then, call another. Most of them take this very seriously. They do not want you to do harm to yourself. Think very seriously about those around you who love you, and would be so hurt and guilt ridden, if anything happened to you. You are in my prayers! Hang in there, and ASK FOR HELP!

[Sukie427 in reply to 4fishylady]

Not every drug is good or bad for everyone. I have been on Cymbalta for years and find that I do quite well on it, compared to how I do without it. Have you been tried on anything else?

[Raingrrl]

Hi TracyBelle ! I was diagnosed the same year as you. I was fortunate to be able to continue my career although I slowly became less effective. I finally had to retire due to M.S. in 2016. That was hard to accept so I can't imagine what it felt like to pass the Bar but not be able to put your education and training to use.

I don't know where you live but are there alternate sources of transportation available so you could get to the cognative therapy? Something like a van that picks up disabled and people who can't drive? Or maybe you could consider using either Uber or Lyft?

One last thing...for you and anyone else that suffers from depression and goes down that dark rabbit hole now and again. If you are suicidal....there is all sorts of help available if you can just make yourself reach out. Many people will suggest calling a crisis line which is an excellant suggestion but sometimes people don't like to talk on the phone. You can also text the word HELP or SUPPORT to 741741 which is a crisis line based on just texting. Someone will respond in text a short time later. Then you can conduct the conversation in text if that is more comfortable.

[janetb1968]

Hi TracyShort really hope ur ok and im thinking of u from across the pond. I've been on Citalopram for about 7 years on + off and have also had counselling, it was after losing both my parents. I was diagnosed with MS in Dec last year so I'm still trying to get my head round it. I'm a staff nurse in the NHS here in the UK but my boss has mentioned ill health early retirement so I do understand about ur career but obviously it's in a different context. If u want to vent further I can always give u my email address if that would help. Take care u are not alone xx

[Linda3579]

Hi Tracy, I’m so sorry you are in a bad place right now. Sometimes it seems impossible to control our depression. I recently lost my mom, but was responsible for her for a long time too. That along with MS is a pretty tall order. My heart goes out to you. I have also had times of very bad depression. There is lots of good thoughtful information in the replies here. I hope you will get some help soon. Sending you good thoughts, Linda

[jackiesj]

tracyshort@sometimes it is a minute by minute day.pressures come from so many directions sometimes i have to stop when i can put the blanket over my head and pray a lot.Medical advice is a choice but great direction for input at least.Believe it or not, ive had some doctors that do care and aren't just there for the money...we do care a lot here...many prayers...

[Denney]

I'm so sorry the world is such a difficult place at the moment. We do get it. You din't have to explain, justify, anything, we get it and we give a hoot.

Sometimes I feel like It's just all too hard and given the physical limitations of MS it can be difficult to let go emotional excess baggage. For me, I pick a day (often if possible it's the very next day) where I'm going to bugger the world off, and create my own utopia. It starts with me going to the shops and I buy potato chips, m&m's (only peanut), strawberries and nutella.

Then, on the coffee table in front of TV place 4 bowls. Put some chips in one, m&m's in the second, fresh strawberries in the third, and in the fourth a couple of big scoops of Nutella, warm for 30secs or so in the microwave to make a lovely hazelnut and chocolate dipping sauce. Make a pot of coffee. Then set up on the couch, with some pillows and a quilt, coccon myself in. Then put on netflicks and for the next couple of hours watch action, blow up, explosive, get the bag guys big time movies and billy connelly stand up comedy and laugh out loud for a coupke of hours.

It may not give long term solutions, but maybe for a couple of hours it takes your mind off those thoughts that just keep swirling around not finding a solution. We're thinking about you and hoping you find some relief.

[Sukie427]

TracyBelle , I am not a medical doctor so I can't answer your question, but I do know that there is situational depression and depression that is caused by a brain chemical imbalance, usually with the neurotransmitters. It can also be hereditary. You need to get yourself to a psychiatrist and quickly. I can tell you that I have had depression since I was a young child. It runs in my family. I have been on anti-depressants most of my life, and it appears that mine is due to a serotonin imbalance. Depression can be successfully managed with medication (the right one is usually found by trial and error) and talk therapy. Many patients use a psychologists, licensed mental health counselor, ARNP or other non-psychiatrist providers for the talk therapy, and use a psychiatrist to manage the medication as none of these other folks (except the ARNP, who can in most states, but it is a matter of state law) are allowed to prescribe. If you are having suicidal ideation then you have come close to the bottom and really need to see someone--these impulses can't always be controlled by the one experiencing it. It is not unusual to be emotionally labile (have very strong emotions and, for example, crying out of nowhere, when you have depression and the MS only adds to it. It may not be brain damage at all, and probably isn't, but you need to be seen by a qualified psychiatrist or psychologist who can refer you out for the medication if necessary before you do something to harm yourself which would be a shame. Everyone has something positive to add to the world, and you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to get the help you need. Please ask your internal medicine doctor or your MS provider for a referral, and be sure to be brutally honest about your feelings. Wishing you the best of luck and better mental health, Sukie427

[Denney]

Hi Tracy, Just to let you know still thinking of you and hoping you've been able to get the help you need. people are very quick to answer questions here, I have found it helpful. Sometimes meeting with people can be helpful too, I was thinking maybe there's a peer support group that meets from time to time near you?

[jackiesj]

TracyShort My heart goes out to you, non of this is easy espeacially as we add side effects of pba and other things.Depression is real.You cant separate the mind and the body, it all starts there.Therapist, meds etc may be benefit from profesionals, but we are all here for you.We laugh cry rant rave do what we need.you are not alone.There are answers and choices, always HOPE.I put the word on my wall.I just started my version of yoga.It says to put a piece of colored tape on the wall to stare at when confused etc to get your center back in your mind.It does help.Concetration isn't my best...buta blue piece of tape now makes me smile when all of a sudden i am very sad..i look up and its the color of supermans cape!Hope that helps....