Living with stress. I think that's what'... - My MSAA Community

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Living with stress. I think that's what's keeping me going. Longtime M.S. Victim,

tombouy46 profile image
9 Replies

Hi Jes. Just hang on and do the best you can, Stress has become such a huge part of my life. Along with fighting Progressive M.S. my girlfriend of over 6 yrs has basically been my caregiver, wasent suppose to be like that, But Earlier this yr she was Diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer, So things have changed. I've now become her caretaker making sure she gets to all of her Radiation appts and Chemo appts as I'm sitting here writing this. She is in Brigham and Womens hospital going through a differant type of Radiation. She's been in there since monday morning. I spent 9 hours hours with her monday, 7 hours yesterday. Iam so completely wiped out. I don't want to even get up and try to walk. I keep falling down. But one thing I will say. Over the past several months dealing with the cancer and her needs, it's actually helped me to kind of forget my own issues. I think that's a good thing, But I've alower myself to get really run down. And not eating properly, and I just finished my 2nd round of M.S. treatments of Lemtrada. My plate is full

9 Replies
WAshingtongirl profile image

tombouy46 , I believe you are addressing Jesmcd2 here. I have typed her name in a way that she will be notified of this post. (I will tag an earlier post so you can see how to write someone's name so they know you've written them.)

Anyway, I am very sorry to hear about your girlfriend and all she--both of you--are going through. Your love and care for one another is beautiful. Praying for you both. 💕

SueAB profile image

tombouy46 , You guys have really been hit with a double whammy! I haven't seen you here before, so I hope you will keep us posted. Sending good thoughts to both of you!

erash profile image

tombouy46 praying for your girlfriend

She needs you to take good care of yourself--be well💐

SlmHarris profile image

You are a very special friend to her as she has been to you!

God bless both of you! Prayers

Juleigh21 profile image

Good luck and God Bless! Take care of you, so you can help her! You're lucky to have each other.

Fancy1959 profile image

Tombouy46, it's Fancy1959. We often don't know how strong we truly are until we're forced into a situation that test our mettle. It sounds like you have passed the test with flying colors and have shown how truly strong you are in spirit if not in body. Please remember however that due to our MS we tend to have less reserves to fall back on physically. Be careful not to over extend so far physically that you wind up absolutely worthless to your girlfriend. It's okay to be there for her daily but take care of yourself as much as you can also. Are there any other family members or close friends who can help you by taking shifts to keep you on a more manageable even-keeled schedule that your MS can handle. It sounds as if you love her dearly and I know you want to be there for her as the primary caregiver as she was with you but she would rather have you there part-time healthy then not there at all because your Ms has knocked you down, flat-out on your back. I believe if that were me lying in the hospital bed and you push so hard that you became very ill with your chronic disease I would feel extremely guilty for being the reason you pushed that hard. I suggest that you sit down and talk with her and both of you talk about her ovarian cancer and where she's at. And then also talk about your MS and where you're at and together come up with the plan of care that makes you realize she knows you be there full time if you could. That should lessen the guilt on both ends and help to create a plan that you can both live with without putting your health in jeopardy. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know your plate is overflowing at this point but we're here to talk anytime you need us. Take care until we talk again and keep us posted about your girlfriend and your MS.

tombouy46 profile image
tombouy46 in reply to Fancy1959

To Fancy 1959. This will probably sound a little crazy. But I totally agree with everything you said in your comment. My M.S. has gotten really bad over the past 2 yrs. I got a scooter about a yr and a half ago. To help me get around the apt bldg I live in. Well I let the scooter just sit in my apt for about a yr before I got up the nerve to use it. Call it pride or whatever. I just didn't want to give into it, but now I'm left with little choice. My family doesn't talk about my m.s. to me. Which really hurts at times. They don't know how to handle it. So they just don't bring it up. I've fallen at my mom's house. I've fallen at my brothers house. But it's never been talked about to me, all my life I've tried to be a pleaser to always try and help other people. And not worry about myself. Growing up. People would say to me I should of been a Social Worker. But I've often thought to myself that this Isent a healthy thing for me. I feel it shows that I care for other people more than myself. Not healthy. I understand. It's a lot of the same with girlfriend.

Fancy1959 profile image
Fancy1959 in reply to tombouy46

Tombouy46, it's Fancy1959 checking back in with you. You and I are so much alike. I too also have tried to be a please my entire life. Now suddenly I am getting extremely disabled in I can't please much of anybody. It seems as if all I do is ask for assistance and it's a hard hard pill to swallow after being super independent for over five decades. I won't up also purchasing a scooter about 6 weeks ago. I have called it and used it numerous places and really helps make a difference. I did okay and walk with my big footed cane but I walk so slow that it took me forever to go anywhere! Now with my scooter I can keep up with everyone and not worry at all about falling over any more.

I think you're one hundred percent right about your family simply not understanding MS and not knowing what to talk about with you or say to you. Only my sister communicates well with me and asked about my MS. My husband is starting to do much better but it's taken five years to get to this point. I guess what I hate the most is when people come up to me and ask how I'm doing with my Ms and I kind of shrug and say not real well but I'm hanging on and they say will you look wonderful. I'm surprised they don't see the steam coming out of my ears at this point. But instead I simply tell them that with MS looks are very deceptive because it attacks the central nervous system not the exterior of my body that they can see. So just because I look good doesn't mean I'm doing good. I've always been direct and I've tried the politically correct non direct approach for several years. Over the past year with my MS disability increasing I have ditched the politically correct answers and simply tell them that looks are deceiving as I said above.

I'm always simply a post away so feel free to holler at me at anytime. It was very good to post back and forth with you and is always I have learned from you and I hope you have learned from others. Remember together we are stronger!

tombouy46 profile image
tombouy46 in reply to Fancy1959

Yes. I stopped writing on that post. Just bringing back some memories. I'd like to forget

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