Had enough!

I have my 2007 massive heart attack,leaving me with heart failure.i also find out I have heart disease, two years later diabetes came along. Then in March of 2012 ms came along. I'm on disability now. Money is tight. Life is depressing. I take 12 pills a day and a diabetes needle.plus the copaxone three times a weak. Lesions are in my brain, my neck, and my spine. Pain is a 24/7 thing. I'm numb, sometimes off balance. I take hydromorphone and diasapam. My mom and her sister both had this ms.

I didn't talk to my mom for twenty years, and now she's gone. She would have understood. But I made a twenty year mistake and now it's to late.

Today is my 34 wedding anniversary . My hubby is my rock. He has suffered just as I have. His credit is in the dumps. I complain about my pain everyday. I can't go out in the heat.

Last December my Mri showed new lesions in my brain.

I just had my caradid artieries tested which show disease. Not at a surgery point yet.

Nov 1 I have my heart echo and nuclear stress test.i usually fail these tests.

I do have a new heart blockage that we don't want to touch until we have to.

I'm 54 and really hating life. My hubby is my existence.

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13 Replies

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  • Oh my goodness, thank God you have a great husband. I am so sorry for your list of ailments, I hope that you can still manage to have a smile with your hubby. I hope that the doctors are able to control your pain better, do you have pain clinics in the US? I understand about the heat, it really does drain you. Keep in touch and let us know how you get on. Whenever you feel life is unbearable, come on here and have a good vent, get it off your chest, I have found people here are always full of encouragement, I am sure it will make you feel better. God bless Jimeka

  • HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! It sounds like you and your hubby are very supportive of each other. Do you have any other friends or family that you can talk to? This is a great site for learning about anything to do with MS and where to find help, or to just have a good rant! They're a friendly bunch on here and we're all going through the crap that MS throws at us in some way, shape or form!

    You've gone through a LOT - heart attack, heart failure, diabetes, MS - it's no wonder you feel depressed! You're TOO YOUNG to be going through all this! It sounds as though you're carrying a lot of guilt as well. I wish you could let that go... it won't help you any.

    What do you like to do? What hobbies/interests do you have? Does your hubby work? Have you been in touch with the local MS Society? When I was in AZ, I used to do some things with the MS Society - they'd get groups together for bowling, holiday parties and various outings. They were very helpful and provided me with a lot of much-needed information and even helped me out financially a couple of times when I couldn't pay some bills.

    Please don't give up! You probably have more people who care about you than you realize! Sometimes we just need to open our eyes a bit wider and look around us to see them. Then we can ask for help, even if it's just someone to talk to or help with shopping or household stuff.

    Let us know how things are going, if you need help or if you have any questions. And enjoy your anniversary and that wonderful man of yours!

    Anne :-)

  • I can't imagine an MSer bowling! Had to give that up years ago!! Along with so many many other hobbies and active sports! Que sera sera!

  • I wouldn't be able to handle it either, except they used to bring out a frame for us to use. Even people with walkers and leg braces bowled. The frame is put at the beginning of the lane and you put your bowling ball on it. Then all you have to do is aim the ball where you want it to go and push it forward. It rolls down the frame and heads for the pins. A lot of bowlers would even get strikes with it! The frame is very light and easy to move, in case a bowler doesn't need it.

    Where there's a will, there's a way!!! :-)

  • Momjules l can understand where your coming from. 2 back surgerys, told within 3 yrs would be in a wheelchair. Raised 3 beautiful daughters. By myself. Worked full-time worked my way up then surgerys. Lost the feeling in both feet. Then had to learn to walk again. Knee surgery, sinus surgery and last yr this wk my heart stopped twice.

    So l understand being angry. I'm to the point of, enough is enough already. And what else ya got? Cause you keep kicking me down but lm gonna keep getting up da**t

    Hang in there take the good and make it last.

  • Thank you so much for everyone's replies. I was just venting. I've been told I'm lucky to still be walking. And the doctor is right, I'm lucky?!?

    I'm sorry to all of you for the problems you all face.

    It's very hard not to let it take over.

    You guys have been through just as much if not more.

    I'm glad I found this site. Maybe this we help us as we go through this horrible thing.

    Bless everyone and thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

  • Momjules l think we are all told "well your lucky you can ...." ya get tired of hearing it lol sometimes venting about what l CANT do is ok to in my book. Problem is is it changes every day ugh. Gotta love this monster they call MS.

  • I hear that! Heard some bad news (you are gonna need neck surgery) and tears started flowing and doc said be thankful you have a supportive husband! I wanted to get up and walk out!!!

  • So sorry to here that agapepilgrim that's one of those surgerys l won't have done until l absolutely very have to end of the world have to. My Dr's really don't like me much lol :p

  • Momjules I hope you find comfort in knowing that many of us here can fully relate to what you have been through and continue to go through. Happy Anniversary! Hope you did something to celebrate. We all need to vent sometimes and this is a safe place to do so. Holding you.

  • I don't know how to privately reply to anyone so please know my thanks go to everyone. I keep fighting like each one of you.

    You are all great people. I'm so touched!

  • I am so thankful

    You have a rock of a hubby. My hubby is my rock also. I have a Rock in Heaven also

  • Momjules, hello I am fancy 1959 and I would like to welcome you to this wonderful chat room / family. I am not going to offer you my sympathy for your health concerns. You do not need my sympathy you need my strength. That you get out of bed each and every day facing what you have to face makes you a true inspiration to me. You are blessed to have that wonderful husband of yours. How many people chat room would give anything to receive the support, love, and understanding that he has shown you. I to face a chronic illness besides MS. I have a chronic rare genetic liver disease. I had liver surgery last November and it hasn't helped because my liver is grown right back up to where it was. It looks like my next step would be a liver transplant. I put myself in God's and the Cleveland Clinic hands to cure me and take care of me. I am not ready to call it quits yet. I would like to invite you to join our family and become an MS/Health Warrior with us. Together we are stronger. And as an MS Warrior we've learned to never give in and never give up. Fight on MS Warrior, fight on!

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