OCD like symptoms, health anxiety etc.

[ErraticAspie]

Increasingly struggling to cope with the above, with co-morbid Autism (Asperger’s Syndrome) and treated hypothyroidism. Massive worry at the moment is eye movement, I notice everything in my field of vision and move my eyes, cannot focus on a tv because of it. This then makes me anxious and become tense. I then do things like look out of the corner of my eye and then move my head to where my eye is looking, which scares me because I doubt whether I should simply turn my head or move my eyes, not do both. I then get scared about the possible damage that this could have caused me. I am basically aware that all this is nonsensical drivel, but I cannot control it when the anxiety starts. Not sure if CBT will work on me since I am wholly aware and am in fact poorly self CBTing as part of my adaptive coping strategy. For example, I get worried about looking out of my peripheral vision so I then make myself do this in order to demonstrate that there is nothing wrong or problematic with this. But this then starts the thought I don’t need to do this, and so stop myself. In a sense, the OCD in my case is a compulsion to demonstrate that all the anxieties I have are irrational. But this is itself compulsive! This is consuming my life at the moment. I have had tendencies towards behaviour paradigmatic of OCD before, but basically the problems began after initiation of Levothyroxine. I suspect that I would be a VERY difficult case for CBT. I know there is good research suggestion a specific subgroup of OCD that may have immunological basis, but getting to anyone who recommends medical investigation for the symptoms of Thyroid and mental health together hasn’t been forthcoming. Getting increasingly desperate.

Thanks in advance

[ErraticAspie]

I should add, I have had different instances of the same thing, namely an intense need to demonstrate anxieties irrational/test to show they are impossible with different thoughts/ contexts before, but nearly all of the OCD resembling symptoms take the form of, anxiety about X comes up, struggle to tolerate possibility of X, either devise some way show showing the X is not the case/that X would not do what so am worried about (often by repeating a bodily action such as eye movements to show that it can’t hurt me). So it seems to me the core issue is my a) radically heightened state of anxiety and awareness that makes everyday things a massive issue, b) a compulsive need to show my own anxieties irrational or impossible.

[deValentin]

It seemed that you’re presently fixated on your eye movement. Don’t try to get rid of that obsession willfully. It’s not possible. The more you try, the more it will come to your attention. Instead, try to focus on your other interests in life. With the passing of time, the obsession will naturally subside. An obsession has to die on its own. One cannot force it to go away. A mind usually finds a way to regulate itself if you give it the right conditions. I know it will take time and patience. It won’t be always easy. Don’t worry if you experience any relapses. Slow and steady wins the race.

In my opinion, OCD, like many other mental disorders (anorexia, addictions, phobia, etc.), is a trap from which it’s not easy to escape. The more people feed it by engaging in it, the more they believe engaging in it will solve their problems. It’s an illusion. It brings short-term relief, but long-term distress.

I can fully relate to what you’re experiencing, “I am basically aware that all this is nonsensical drivel, but I cannot control it when the anxiety starts”. I often wondered myself why, while in the throes of OCD, I believe it’s a good idea to engage in compulsions or ruminations. The answer I came up with is that if I start to engage in compulsions, the only way then, in my eyes, to regain some control over my life is for OCD to bring the desired results, that is, a decrease of mental discomfort. It’s why I’m so desperate and so sure to succeed in my compulsive search for greater peace of mind. There is no place for doubting the validity of my obsessional beliefs while in an OCD peak. Hence the importance not to engage in compulsions to begin with, because, otherwise, it temporarily alters my judgment.

[ErraticAspie in reply to deValentin]

An update with an example from 10 minutes ago to exemplify the pattern. I get worried about swallowing sometimes, and hence tightened up before drinking some water. Despite knowing they breathing in heavily before drinking water couldn’t do anything, I then tried to work out exactly what body movement my mouth had made, and in the process got scared I may have injured my jaw! There’s certainly some GAD stuff here as well.

[deValentin]

I understand how you feel. At one time, I became obsessed about salivating and swallowing my saliva. However, what about stopping ruminating about it? Right now, you may be fixated on a particular bodily function and not feel guilty. So, you may think that's okay for you to do it. But, if you ask yourself, "would directing exclusively my attention to swallowing make my return to reality bleaker once the relief effect of engaging in compulsions has passed?" you may be more motivated to try shifting your attention to other topics.

It's to some regard similar to what people with addictions experience. The more they indulge their craving, the more unpleasant would be their return to the real world, therefore the more they feel compelled to keeping on feeding their addiction even if it takes a bigger and bigger dose to get a smaller and smaller effect.

[ErraticAspie]

Part of the problem is that it comes on so quickly. Today, for example, I have wasted a solid 5 hours of my time due to being worried about eye movement, then moving them from the right of the room to the left, this the panicking me due to my vision briefly going blurry and being slightly dizzy afterwards, and then also wondering if some sensation in my tongue is related to this. All this was caused by something that was probably over in 30 seconds.