My extreme compulsion

[Fixatedcat]

Hi all.First Post here. I was diagnosed a while ago and when I have times off my medication I find it really hard to rationalise.

I am currently going through quite an extreme period of compulsions and side effects. thought I'd share them here to help myself rationalise and also to hopefully help someone realise that all of us get irrational fears.

I am terrified of my cats getting into medication. While this is a normal fear I am so scared to the point every night before I sleep because I'm so scares that I'll sleep and not hear them die. I check my entire house for a left medication packet or some kind of food they can't eat I lift my sofas I check bags I check drawers and count medication I do this for maybe 1 hour before I sleep and the whole time before exhaustion I just panic because they might just get into something and die and it will be my fault. I google can cats get into medication easily? Cat paracetamol toxicity, anything doomsday related to my poor cats.

In my head I know that if I can't find any Meds laying about and I'm looking for them how on earth will the cats but my brain can not accept that I haven't made a mistake and they're going to be hurt because of me.

I had some paracetamol in my coat before I left to visit the doctor. I remember noticing it and thinking ill dispose of this so the cats won't get into it but when my compulsion triggered (before bed) the paracetamol was no longer in my coat. There is some in drawer but I'm not sure if It was the one from the coat. This has sent me into frenzy tonight and the result is Mt cats sleeping in my room with me with the door closed. I will most likely not sleep.

I get stuff like this often even tho I know it's really not likely that the cats would open a pack of paracetamol and just eat it. But I just can't wrap my head around it. I get this with doors and locks, hand and teeth brushing all sorts.

It's exhausting... but- it's just what we live with haha

[SCC1]

Hi Fixatedcat. The examples I'm using in my reply are not to make you worry more. They are given to share with you that I can relate very much to your situation.

I make sure there is nothing left on tables or things on the floor, even little pieces of paper or crumbs. I get paranoid that my cat will ingest it.

Another example is, if I am using a rubber band, I make sure to put it away (they are toxic/dangerous for cats.) If I think I have dropped one, I look until I find it and if I can't I get very worried. Once I find it, I continue to look on the floor, all over, to see if I missed ANY possible thing that might be on it. So, one thing leads to something else and it extends the amount of time I spend on something.

When I leave the house, I make sure the doors to certain rooms are closed so my cat doesn't go into them. People close doors all the time because they don't want their pets in certain parts of their home. But, it's the amount of fear I feel that is the most problematic and is the most anxiety provoking. That is what makes us do these compulsions. We fear something happening and want to relieve that.

A lot of my checking is for my cat because I care for him so much. When I'm taking my meds, if my cat is sitting by me, I make sure to put the bottles of pills away from him in case a pill would drop. I would think that is what one would do. But it feels more like OCD to me rather than a regular fear of him getting into them, because when they really are away from him, I think somehow he can get at them. Then I can't relax until I look around everywhere. I keep checking that area and go over and over it, not only looking, but feeling for pills. And then maybe I got some medication "dust" on me or by me and I fear if my cat sits on or close to me, he'll get sick if he picks up the dust through his nose or mouth. I don't think that's possible but the fear is great that it could happen. Even if the duration of time that I check isn't that long, it's still exhausting. That's one way I know something I'm doing is too much when it comes to OCD.

When we care a lot about something/someone, the OCD becomes worse. We get very anxious that something bad will happen to them and this increases the compulsions we do to not have those bad things happen.

Know that your cats will be fine. If you do a once-over of your home before you go to bed and you are comfortable with the results, then things are okay and safe for your cats. Limit yourself to a one-time check of your home or a certain amount of time to check-30 min, 20 min or however long you need. Then gradually reduce the amount of time. Eventually, you will feel better/satisfied with just a quick look around your home. It takes practice but if you do it regularly, you will feel better.

[TomFed]

You need to find tools how to stop compulsive checking, and any other compulsions. If you can't do these behavioural changes yourself, look for the help of specialised ERP therapist, online or offline. We don't have power over intrusive thoughts but we always have the choice to do or not to do the compulsions. Without doing compulsions, in many cases OCD hell wheel starts to unravel and break pretty fast.

[deValentin]

If you want to eliminate all the possibilities of misfortune, there is sadly no place for anything else in your life. Even then, there is no guarantee. It’s like the story of the philosopher who was so absorbed in his thinking that he didn’t see the hole in front of him and fell in it.

If all your efforts to protect your cats from harm paid off and brought you reasonable peace of mind, you may be able to justify them, but your mind is probably never at peace, always scouring for possibilities of harm you never thought of before.

If people with OCD had to choose between 10 more minutes of compulsive checking or 10 minutes of an OCD-free life, that is, a normally responsible life, they may be tempted to choose the first alternative because of the temporary relief it brings. However, if they had to choose between an entire life of compulsive checking or an entire life doing things they really love, I’m wondering what they would be inclined to choose.

I wish you success in your OCD treatment.