Somatic OCD

[Distefolc]

Hello, so my story goes like that it's the last day of July, my friends and I gather at a friend's house and smoke some weed but for the past two days I had been doing facial exercises for a better jawline called Mewing. Mewing is purposely holding your tongue on the roof of your mouth. I get high and then decide that I'd been Mewing the whole day and my tongue got pretty tired so I would just chill and not do it for a while, all of a sudden when I try to rest my tongue the way it used to be I can't remember how it used to be and I start feeling it very very much and fixated on it a lot, I get a very serious panic attack and can't sleep that night hardly went to bed probably what helped me was the weed. I wake up still feeling my tongue, feeling very anxious and bad. Since then I've been feeling my tongue, I regret every decision in my life, for mewing, for smoking weed that night and I don't see what's the point of living like that but I'm not going to commit suicide because I love my family and I don't want them to be hurt. I've been doing ERP by myself and it has definitely worked at first I hadn't eaten for 4 days and had a total of 8 hours of sleep for these 4 days and my anxiety was over the roof. I was feeling very suicidal. Now my anxiety is close to 0 I have a normal appetite and don't have problems with sleeping I sleep 8 or more hours every night but still, this thought disturbs me and doesn't leave me alone I just want to experience the feeling of staring at a blank point and not think about anything just enjoy life. I regret not appreciating the old life I had so much and I would do everything to get rid of this debilitating illness but sadly to my luck, of course, it's chronic and I will never be able to get rid of that thing. I live in a small eastern Europe country called Bulgaria, to my luck again NO therapist has ever heard about my type of OCD they have only heard about the common ones like POCD,HOCD, contamination OCD, symmetry OCD and etc. Online therapies cost insane prices I've searched for some and they cost like 200$ for a session in, my country I earn 3$ an hour so I have to work 70 hours just to pay for one session which I cannot afford so I have to battle with this alone.

[TomFed]

Well, one thing you are not right is that you can't heal from OCD. OCD is a very treatable psychiatric disorder. Many people have reoccurring relapses from time to time, but still most with the right kind of treatment can live normal and happy lives. Some even do recover fully. I hope your somatic thing goes away, don't blame yourself. It's just your amygdala and cortex sending too many signals and being overreactive. Some weird intrusive thoughts are not YOU., even if they feel very much real. Have you experienced other types of OCD?

[Distefolc in reply to TomFed]

Well, actually yes, but back then I had no idea that it was OCD, btw do you think that maybe if you don't know it's OCD and just wonder what it is you have a better chance of healing because that's what happened then?It happened back in 2013 i think ,my parents went to Germany for one week and I was alone with my sister, I was watching youtube videos and there was a video about serial killers with brutal murder stories killing their whole families and etc. i didn't think much of it but then it happened. My sister and I went to bed and all of a sudden i remembered about these videos and started feeling very anxious and i was thinking of scenes like going in the kitchen grabbing the knife and stabbing my sister and i couldn't stop thinking about it and started crying but didn't wake her up because i couldn't tell her such a thing she would think i must be crazy or something, and it reapeated every night for a week or so until all of a sudden it disappeared i didn't remember about it anymore and i was going to bed easily again. But now it's been 3 months and this doesn't happen... What are your experiences with OCD, what is your theme and how do you feel?

[Distefolc in reply to Distefolc]

Also I've noticed another improvement since it started now i could sometimes go for like 10-15 minutes my record is 2 hours when I played monopoly without remembering about my tongue but then all of a sudden it's like a light bulb turns on in my head and says: "hey did you forget about your tongue"??? And i'm like hell yeah I had why'd you tell me you piece of clothing...

[TomFed]

Well, the thing with youtube videos and your sister, it sounds like a very typical episode of harm ocd. I had similar harm ocd theme when I was 11-12 when I was afraid that I can stab my own mother, to the point that I was scared to even go to the kitchen and look at the knives. That one hanged around like for a year or so, till it got pushed away by a new theme. I'd say it's good that you know you have it, so now you are able to look for the right help. As much as I know, in most cases it doesn't go by itself. I'm not sure if you had medical evaluation, but if not, probably it would be a good thing to start with. You're lucky mate, I wish I was brave enough to look out for help when I was your age, would have probably saved me from lots of unnecessary suffering.

[Distefolc]

Mate i am not lucky, because as I said in my country nobody has ever heard about my type of OCD so nobody can help me..

[TomFed]

Excuse me for being straightforward, but I don't believe what you say is true. I am almost certain there are people who can help you, if not in Bulgaria then even online. Second thing OCD theme/type whatever you call it doesn't matter much. Of course, ERP techniques somewhat vary from person to person, from type to type, but in essence it's the same OCD disorder, two main overreactive brain circuits - amygdala and cortex - that makes your thoughts get stuck in the same gear in your brain. Was it thoughts about your sister, or was it your tongue feeling not in the right place. IT'S ALL OCD. So any licensed OCD psychiatrist or therapist should understand what's going on and offer treatment.

[Sallyskins]

There are as many types of OCD as there are people who have it! And the treatment is the same for all types - medication and CBT. The CBT can be adapted for any type of OCD.

It's perfectly possible to get something of your old life back. Do the CBT - take medication if it suits you. I've found that a low (5 mg) dose of aripiprazole alongside an SSRI such as sertraline can help a lot - it makes me feel something like my old self. (There are shortages of aripiprazole at the moment - don't let them give you sulpiride instead as it makes you put on weight).

I should add - avoid the weed. Many people smoke it without any harm, but if you have mental health problems it can make them worse.

[Kerry100314]

hi! I have had somatic OCD for as long as I can remember. The themes change depending on what I’m hyper focused on - breathing rate, heart rate, blinking, etc…. It is difficult since I don’t think it is a very common OCD type. I I know it’s been a while since you’ve posted this, I hope you’ve found some relief. Just wanted you to know your not alone in somatic OCD!