Struggle with being social / having and keeping friends

[cooperhawk]

I've posted before about struggling with emetophobia and OCD. It has caused me to struggle with being social and connecting with people. I am married with kids, so I have other moms try to get together for play dates, but it's such a major struggle. I get worn out just thinking about it. My husband tries to encourage me to meet with others, but it stresses me out when I don't. I feel like if I go, something bad will happen, and if I don't go, something bad will happen, and on top of that, I feel disappointed in myself, and feel like I've disappointed him for not trying. It also doesn't help that I'man introvert. Does anyone else struggle with this?

I try to open up to some and tell them my phobia and I'm usually met with the sympathy look and "I don't know how that feels" speech. It makes me feel even more isolated. For once I'd like someone to know I feel (in person), so I didn't feel utterly alone in that regard. (Even though I don't wish for others to deal with this.)

Sorry, just venting.

[mind-full]

I like how you described your experience with fear and phobia. If you go out, something bad will happen, and if you don't go out, something bad will happen. Not to mention the exhausting disappointment in yourself.

OCD can be characterized by "worst-case scenario" thinking and a vigilance for extreme (sometimes theoretical) possibilities. I've learned that OCD, and the way it effects my life, is an extreme worst-case scenario that my hypervigilance has obviously overlooked. I don't want to hit anyone with my car, hurt someone at work, or get sick from germs, but I certainly don't want OCD either. It's harming me, and the people I love.

In a post you made one month ago, SirUthal encouraged you to keep your mind centered on the reality of a situation (but not to ruminate on it). Suggesting thoughts like “I may or may not get sick, but that is part of being human” and “I may or may not get my family sick, but that is just part of being human” is excellent advice for breaking the cycle that you (and many of us here) are stuck in.

Disappointment will surely point your recovery in the right direction. The more you feed your obsessions, and starve the person you'd rather be, the sooner you'll recognize that your worst fear is only distracting you from being your best self.

Be aware of your fears, but don't let them completely blind you from wonderful (social) opportunities. "We suffer more in imagination than in reality."

In another member's post, MothFir shared his experience with Contamination OCD and a fear of making his family sick. He said: "It felt wrong at first to handle food [without washing repeatedly], but now it doesn't bother me much at all. That's essentially ERP, and you can apply it to every area that is giving you trouble."

When he realized that no one else in his family was taking the same precautions against contaminants, he began letting go of the obsession and controlling his compulsive behaviour.

You can read more about it here:

healthunlocked.com/my-ocd/p...

Best wishes!

[cooperhawk in reply to mind-full]

I appreciate your thoughtful reply. I like how you said "The more you feed your obsessions, and starve the person you'd rather be, the sooner you'll recognize that your worst fear is only distracting you from being your best self." I have been "starving" the person I want to be. It's a tough cycle to break, but appreciate the encouragement and advice!

[Mcfly64 in reply to cooperhawk]

Hi copperhawk are you seeing a therapist that specialises in Ocd?

[aparente001]

My son's experience with ERP was that he and his therapist worked their way up step by step, to eventually work on his specific phobia.

You might be more comfortable disclosing "I have OCD," omitting the specific name of your specific phobia, with the general public, and saving the more specific disclosure for the people you are closest to, or the members of an OCD support group, if you join one. The IOCD website lists some.

It sounds like your husband wants to help. Can you give some thought to exactly how you would like him to help? For example, perhaps he could help you locate a group that is related to some interest of yours. Then, you could figure out if the best support would be to send you off on your own, or go with you.

Here's an example. A friend was having a lot of trouble with hot flashes. Her husband developed the habit of noticing when the room they were in was too warm, and letting her know, and opening a window. She found it very reassuring when he commented on the temperature. She felt supported.

Have you talked this over with your primary care physician? First off, anxiety tends to make my son feel nauseous. But it turned out there was a physical component as well -- he was insulin resistant (this is a precursor to diabetes), and when he got that under control, he had less problems with nausea. Also, there might be a vitamin deficiency playing a role (e.g. the B complex).

Best wishes.

[nkotbjoeymc]

I don’t have not one single friend.