...until I'm not only exhausted, but extremely defeated--all despite telling myself that I'm simply going to turn "it" off and walk away, only to immediately question whether I truly did so? I truly feel weak and embarrassed, humiliated. I seem to have tried every behavioral approach--verbalizing steps, photographs, inconsequentiality, writing it down, etc....all to minimal success.
Medical care and prescription medication have helped with the overall stress level my OCD seems to blanket my life with otherwise, but the aforementioned behavioral challenges have remained, actually worsening it seems, over my life. The more I focus on "fixing" them, the worse they get...
Am I the only one so frequently caught in this near-endless do-loop? Any suggestions?
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I wonder whether you think that description fits for some of your own symptoms.
Are you in therapy with someone trained in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy? That is the approach that has been shown to give the best results (statistically). There is a shortage of ERP-trained therapists in the US (not sure about other countries), but the IOCD foundation has a search feature and if you can't find anyone in your area, try calling or emailing IOCD. I did that and they suggested a clinic that was not listed on their website.
Sometimes some cognitive work can be helpful in supplementing ERP. For example, if you're concerned about wasting water, you might review some of your water bills to see how much water consumption costs (objectively) in your area. But this approach by itself tends not to solve the problem.
ERP isn't an overnight fix but for my son, at least, it really was worth the patience and the hard work.
Appreciate the feedback. My challenges seem more tic-associated than "just right", but there's a lot of overlap. I'm just starting online therapy and will ask the therapist about ERP, and conduct some online investigation of my own. I'm pretty desperate and will try about anything. I'm also intending on joining a local support group that I've just identified. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond and suggest--that helps in its own right.
I can't turn a tap of water off without counting to seven, then three, three, and three again (while tapping or twisting the facet handle). It takes 16 seconds of my day, but acts as a mental confirmation. I can walk away without question or doubt.
The behavioural approaches you have tried are all words and images: verbalizing steps, photographs, inconsequentiality, writing it down. I suggest trying something different.
Once you identify a behaviour that does relieve your anxiety (a compulsive response), you can begin using that as a tool to habituate.
Start by counting, tapping, and twisting to ten, the hope being that this new compulsion will successfully replace the endless others and relieve your doubt. If this happens, you can control the amount of anxiety caused by exposure therapy. Like a tap.
One day, try counting to nine (instead of ten). This will turn the anxiety "on" a bit. A month from then, reduce that number to five. Before long, you won't need to count at all. Theoretically.
Obviously, I'm not a doctor. I'm just wishing you well, and making suggestions. Glad you're here, looking for help.
Tip: You can reply directly to comments left by other members. This way, they receive an email notification that you've responded and are more likely to continue the conversation.
I hope the online therapy you've started proves helpful, and the local support group you're intending to join.
Good tip re. the reply function. I'm finding that counting does help with like numbering the times I turn to the right to turn off a hose, too, so appreciate the suggestions.
Glad to hear! The count will make turning a hose off feel deliberate. You'll be able to walk away knowing that an intentional and conscious effort was taken.
Think of it this way:
Turning the tap off is as easy as counting to ten! Or as easy as one, two, three.
I am also a checker. I have to check appliances, car, emails, etc. I have recently started Acceptance Commitment Therapy. I found a handbook specifically for OCD. It's too early to tell if it is successful. In the meantime, I take a video of my apartment showing that all appliances are off. This has alleviated some of my checking because I can watch it later. I hope ACT or the video idea helps you.
Thanks for the feedback. I've tried photographs, but then I worry that I've taken them mid-sequence and thus they're invalidated by subsequent actions (I'm pretty good at defeating my own checks ;). I'll explore ACT--I'll try about anything at this point. Appreciate it.
Hello Kat. I hope the video can help you, at least give yo some relieves. I believe, share your experience. however, I think you are not hitting the problem to the root. it might create more doubts on you, sorry I don't mean to be negative, only trying to help. one things that can be effective, is delaying the response. say to your self OK, I will compulse but later. reacting during the urge will escalate the scenario. don't play with the pig in the mud, if I can express it like that. wish you a good luck.
Thank you for your reply. Yes, I am aware videos are a temporary fix. It does provide some relief and allow me to get to work on time. I'm able to focus when I'm at work because I can always watch the video. It's only until I'm ready to begin ERP.
Thanks for the feedback. I've tried photographs, but then I worry that I've taken them mid-sequence and thus they're invalidated by subsequent actions (I'm pretty good at defeating my own checks ;). I'll explore ACT--I'll try about anything at this point. Appreciate it.
sorry for my my English is not perfect,. sorry that you suffer from this monster. only those who suffer from it know the hell they have daily. I suffered from excessive checking for years and years. stoves, locking doors, electricity button, and any thing that is potentially dangerous. I broke so many times, the door knobs even at my office from excessive physicals checking. I have every time to justify to my manager why I am late, why I broke the knobs...lost all my salaries for years with excessive reassurance over the phone with a bill of 600Eur /month. every morning, I have to return home endlessly until I could collapse . all of this nightmare is gone now and never want to take medications. how ? not sure honestly, may be it was replaced by other OCDs, may be I noticed that I lost money that can be used to buy a house...I couldn't explain to the therapist how this part is resolved. only what I remember is my father was ill and I wanted to change my life to make him better. Good luck Only you can find the way out.
Your English is fine and the message you sent appreciated. I desperately wish mine would go away like I'm glad to hear that yours has. I fear that I'm stuck with it for life, though, so I just try to manage it. Check when I need to and practice certain behavioral tricks that seem to minimize them at least a little. Thanks for the encouragement.
You're welcome. this monster is attacking you with things that you are sensitive at. face the reality, push it to the extreme, say to yourself, ok I might have forgot this to check or this to turn off, so what ? push it to the extreme, think about the extremes consequences, and deeply ask your self : all of these things are there real ? is this scenario possible ? the doubt is drilling in the brain, you have to doubt about this doubt. one day I forgot my front door open the whole night and the next day I noticed nothing have happened. the brain is actually stacking for years and years with the same ritual. and reversing the gear needs some efforts and pain. sometimes I ask my self this monster wants to kill me, and will I accept that ? no. honestly is a medicine can cure my problem, I would take it, but I am not convinced that this monster works with medications. I live with OCD since 30 years. some years I had to check 50 times if I didn't hit some one with my car. why ? because I care about people, because I can't harm someone and this where the monster is attacking me, in the sensitive points of my life. do you think criminals have OCD ? I doubt. because they don't care about people. hope I contributed a bit on your thoughts.
I can relate to that 'hitting someone with my car' where I've had to re-drive a particular route to ensure there's no aftermath of an accident. Fortunately that one doesn't haunt me much anymore, but the checking switches--and standing there for several seconds to ensure that "off" is "off" (properly up/down, turned to the right to turn a faucet off, etc.)--makes it almost unbearable at times. Your pushing it to the extreme might help. It's certainly worth a shot. I've also been praying, a lot! Thanks for your help.
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I don't know what to do anymore.
New member: My OCD story
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