Is It Rest or Avoidance? #WellnessWednesday

[alexandraisobsessed]

Is it just me or is it hard to tell with OCD?

I've always been avoidant. I dislike conflict, failing, or feeling like I might fail.

For the longest, I didn't realize that much of my avoidance is compulsive. OCD latches on to anything I care about and tells me I'm not good enough, everyone hates me and I'm destined to fail. Rather than feel the pain of all those awful feelings of rejection and disappointment, I would compulsively avoid them by telling myself I needed rest first. OCD has caused me to avoid homework assignments, personal projects, and social events among other things. Sadly, the avoidance only set me up for the exact failure I was trying to avoid.

Lately, when I feel myself becoming avoidant, I try to check in with myself and ask "Do I truly need rest, or am I giving in to a compulsion?".

A lot of the time I find my answer is that I'm avoiding compulsively.

- I don't want to paint and would rather nap. --> I'm avoiding painting because I'm afraid I won't like it.

-I don't want to socialize because I'm a tired Mom. --> I'm avoiding socializing because I'm afraid no one likes me.

It's hard at first because the reasons seem valid enough on the surface. I really am a tired Mom and I definitely like naps sometimes, but I also know I find energy and time for plenty of others things while tired. The more I practice the easier it becomes to spot my compulsive avoidance and do the opposite instead. Of course, sometimes I just need a nap!

Do you struggle with avoidance as well?

#WellnessWednesday

[Hidden]

Hi alexandraisobsessedAvoidance is truly a painful concept believe me, I really do know from child to this day I still suffer. I could sleep days away. If you need to nap it's fine just think of it as charging your phone. Use this time for self evaluation, then find the easiest solution to an issue you feel comfortable with and assess what you need to do to achieve it. Do not take on more than you can deal with. complete the task even if it means taking regular breaks. Once you have finished you will get personal satisfaction. Embrace the feeling and use this as a confident stepping stone. Other stones will appear the more you persist. what you don't know is the stones are already there, just invisible to people like us.

Social avoidance is a little more different same stepping stones but sometime you might need someone to give you a little push or hold your hand. ( But only from someone you absolutely trust) Again don't feel down or give up if you need time to consolidate there is no shame in reflecting that's what forms strategies. Great battles have been won on this methodology. please take and all the best I hope you find the answers your looking for.

Tony

[MrsMapdog]

I definitely struggle with avoidance. Sometimes the ocd is so draining that I just avoid whatever to have the peace of mind. I hate when I do the avoidance because I know the ocd got the upper hand but peace of mind is just of greater importance. Sometimes I feel no matter what tips you learn on ocd or what you are taught in therapy sessions when you try to apply them to your ocd struggle you still can't get victory. The doubt, fears, things not feeling right all have more power over you than the tactics you are using to combat your ocd. Its overwhelming and that is why I atleast practice avoidance for my sanity. But sometimes leaving it alone for awhile I may come back to it later.

[Hidden in reply to MrsMapdog]

Hi MrsMapdogYes! totally agree with you. I've had it all. I believe that all OCD is different in everyone like diversity in people. Once its categorise or create a stigma it is treat as the norm, and statistics seem to favour the most success results. But who actually nurtures the forgotten? we are left to resolve our own issues as PhD reveals in it own glory. Just out of curiosity I wonder how many psychologists or therapists have OCD or mental health? This sounds like a dig at mental treatment but I can assure you its not only my personal opinion and I would have been lost if I didn't receive mine when I did. It's just the after care for me is poor I was just told my OCD roots are to deep. Ok I accept that and perhaps finding my own way has made me stronger. But like I have said everyone is different. Lean on the people you trust or what love the most, if you are anything like me. I don't think OCD people will ever be like other people. But that's ok I don't really want to be.

[Sallyskins]

I've been known to ascribe avoidance to OCD, but on the whole I own up to it. For example, I'm having trouble getting out of the house but I want to go shopping - I know it's down to OCD and that it isn't just that I don't feel like it.

On the whole I can be honest with myself. But being honest with others is a whole different ball game! I do make excuses to others, if I don't know them that well, that don't involve OCD because it's so embarrassing. But I'm better at being upfront about my OCD than I used to be.

I think a lot of us with OCD have low self esteem, and this can certainly stop us doing things. But don't let that put you off. I do a lot of creative things, including writing and needlework, and I know that anything creative involves some measure of failure. But a piece of writing can be rewritten, needlework can be unpicked and I can try again.

Having also worked for many years as a life model to art classes, I've often noticed how unconfident and tentative students can be about their work. But they don't learn without making mistakes. Apparently if you make a mistake and correct it, the brain learns something. But if you get it right first go, the brain doesn't learn. And students' first tentative efforts get more confident and better with practice as they become artists.

By the way, if you don't like a painting you've done, put it away and go back to it after, say, a week. It often turns out to be better than you thought it was!

It's certainly the case that OCD is tiring, and if you have young children to take care of as well, it must be really fatiguing! So a nap can be worth taking and no need to beat yourself up about it!