Thought-watching…

[sealonging]

I'm in the middle of reading a really helpful book called Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts, by Sally M. Winston and Martin N. Seif. One of the things they said in the book that I was thinking about today is the fact that intrusive thoughts get worse and more common when you're in a state of paying close attention to your thoughts or feeling like you have to.

And that got me thinking—my intrusive thoughts started about 6 years ago after I almost did something that I felt was the right thing for me at the time, but was also very hurtful to the person I love most and which I've later come to rethink and understand in a wiser and deeper way. After I decided not to go through with it, she asked me to let her know anytime I had any thoughts related to the topic of that decision. So, feeling guilty about hurting her, I agreed to this.

Now, looking back at that with the standpoint of the Winston/Seif book, I wonder if that decision, to watch my thoughts for any sign that I might be heading in that direction again, was actually the real beginning of my OCD and intrusive thoughts. All of my symptoms did start up about 3-4 months after that. I've always assumed it was the decision I almost made itself that gave me all this anxiety, since that decision was traumatic for both of us.

And maybe it is both things. But now I'm wondering about this thought-watching thing. It does make a lot of sense. And I have developed this habit of watching my thoughts for danger ever since then, which I never really had before that. If Winston and Seif are right about this thought-watching habit being a boosting factor for intrusive thoughts, then I wonder if this habit is something I can break, something I can dismantle and undo? Any thoughts on this? Any similar experiences with this thought-watching dynamic? Any ideas on how to break it?

[nkotbjoeymc]

They’re Horrible.

[Phoenyx]

Hi Sealonging! First I want to say, I love this book. It felt like the authors have written it after speaking to me :). And it helped me tremendously. Hopefully, it will help you too. Second, when I am in an OCD episode, I tend to seek reassurance and feel guilt like I've never experienced before. With that being said, I want to tell you, you are not to blame for your OCD. It's not something you did or didn't do. Certainly, it is not something you could had prevented somehow. It works with triggers. If it's not one, it's going to be another trigger. Always try to be gentle and tolerant with yourself, you deserve it

[Sallyskins]

I've heard of this book, and it sounds really good. I must get myself a copy of it.

It's not surprising that something that had such an emotional impact on you and someone you love has had repercussions. I think a lot of us with OCD are guilty of over-examining our thoughts, and when we come across a thought we don't much like, try to pick it to pieces instead of just parking it and leaving it alone.

It's good to follow your conscience, and to monitor your thoughts for negative things that might hurt other people, but it can get to a point where it becomes over-scrupulosity.

Intrusive and negative thoughts are something most people have. But for most people they float in and out of their heads. As the Winston and Self book explains, these thoughts can become 'sticky' with OCD and instead of floating out, they stay in our heads and torment us. And then in trying to analyse them and take them apart, we just reinforce the stickiness. It's as though they thrive on the attention.

The trick, and it's a difficult trick to learn, but it can be learned, is to acknowledge such thoughts, then leave them alone. Deprived of the attention, they get fed up and leave you alone.