Lost

[wanttobefree]

Hello ,you can check my profile to learn the things i went thru possibly depression,anxiety,OCD.But i dont what this is, everytime i learn about a disorder i think i have it its so stressful my hands start to get wet and all of that.Tonight i learnt about a disorder called Somatic Symptom Disorder,i clicked on a video and this guy was explaining whenever he had to do a task like study or something his physical pain would kick in (thats what the disorder does it causes big physical pain) and this school year i didnt study at all and i feel like i have the symptoms which i probably dont,but now i know its going to stuck in my head and confuse me alot.I dont why i am this kind of person im only 17 and my life feels to an end ,i feel like i have no future,nothing i mean how could a person function like this.My brain is foggy all the time,i dont enjoy things anymore,i swear to god even food doesnt taste the same,like my taste buds have been damaged 60% and all i feel like its a small portion to know if its salty or sweet.I dont know what i want or where i want to be.I dont think i can have a normal life.I ask my self why people enjoy things where in the end nothing matters.I have created this concept of myself which i dont want to be.I feel like im always going to be desparate always in need of others.I dont know why but i cant hold on anymore.I want to be like my friends not overthinking,not feeling constantly tired , i want to have motivation , i want to enjoy going out.I dont want to stay alone the rest of my life.I have all this burden i want to let it go but it seems i cant.I have so many things to say but when they ask me How Are You Feeling?I dont know even how to respond,words get lost in my brain and all i say :Im okay.This is not healthy , i cant even study anymore its hard to focus. I dont know what im going to do.Im really lost!!!

[Ocdwarrior]

Hi wanttobefree, it sounds like your in a hard place right now. And I'm so sorry you have to go through this! I also know what it's like to fight mental illness as a teen as my OCD started when I was around 14. There were days when I prayed to die. I started having terrible thoughts about hurting people, things I never wanted to do. I even started thinking that I had acted on my thoughts even tho I had not. But when I was 17 my mom discovered I had OCD and I did therapy ( erp and cbt) and I am so much better! Do you have a therapist and are you doing erp for your OCD? I know there is hope for you and you can live a great life again! You deserve to get better. Feel free to ask any questions and I'll do my best to answer them. We're here for you! Your not alone!

[wanttobefree in reply to Ocdwarrior]

Seems like your OCD is like mine, identical i would say.Same thoughts.No i've never been to a therapist sadly.But i seek to get one!Thank you for your response <3

[Ocdwarrior in reply to wanttobefree]

I actually never got a therapist either cause we just weren't able to at the time but I worked through Jonathan abramowitz's book called Getting Over OCD. It was extremely helpful. If your able to get a therapist definitely do so cause I'm sure it would make therapy a whole lot easier. But maybe this workbook could give you a head start on therapy and help you find more peace while your looking for a therapist.

[wanttobefree in reply to Ocdwarrior]

Eveytime i try to explain my thoughts,feelings,problems tp my parents i always stutter.I just cant and they wont understand.Thats one of the reasons i've never been to therapy.Also i'll check that book.Thank you so much <3

[Ocdwarrior in reply to wanttobefree]

Is there anyone you trust that could help you talk to your parents?

[wanttobefree in reply to Ocdwarrior]

I vent sometimes with my sister,she suffers from depression but we rarely talk with our parents.Even when we do its just weird and we never come up with a solution.

[Ocdwarrior in reply to wanttobefree]

Hi wanttobefree, sounds like your in a tough spot. Honestly the best advice I can give you right now is keep reaching out to others with OCD and learn all you can about this disorder and how to treat it.

I hope things will get better for you soon.

[OrchidKoi15]

So sorry your at this point right now. It sounds like you need to get on the right medications and start a php or iop program. It was a life changer for me. It is super tiring and super lonely to have ocd for me. Just reading your post I was feeling your pain and starting to get scared I was going to pick up your ocd thought. It is the fear that causes it. Hang in there and never stop trying to get better.

[wanttobefree in reply to OrchidKoi15]

Sorry my post made you feel that way, i completely understand.Everytime something bad is mentioned such as disease,problems i always get anxiety and it feels like i have it.I super happy that php program helped you.I hope it works for me too if i try it,and i understand the feeling being lonely its super heavy but you are not alone.Thank you so much for replying <3