I am brand new to this community, just found it when researching therapists. Unfortunately therapy is too expensive for me right now so I have very limited options. (If anyone has advice on low cost therapy, let me know. I'm struggling to find resources.)
I have had OCD since I was about 8 years old. It began when my dad left and I became compulsive about safety. I had a strict routine of locking and unlocking doors and windows repeatedly until I felt they were latched correctly. Same with lightswitches, stovetop, and electrical plugs. Fortunately I was able to get a hold of my condition myself and learned to live a little more normally over the years needing very little therapy.
That being said, about 6 years ago I went through more traumatic experiences which brought the issues back into my life. They are heavily centered on guilt and paranoia. In the most recent years, especially since my cat died (health issues from age) that I had most of my life, my compulsions have all been about the safety of my 2 new cats. I have very irrational thoughts regarding them getting into things and have aggressively cat proofed everything in my apartment. I have to wake up an extra hour before work because I need to check the entire apartment before I leave in case the cats got into something. I do the same before bed each night. Multiple hours of each day are spent searching the house for something that might be dangerous. I'm driving myself and my boyfriend crazy and am finding it increasingly difficult to leave the cats alone in the apartment for more than a few hours.
I apologize for how long this post was. I think I just needed to type it out. There are so many other aspects to my issues, however this is probably the main component.
I know I need help. The past year has been extremely difficult and I've wasted so much money trying to fix other issues when I know that this is the root of my problems. I just don't even know where to start because I can't imagine not giving in to my compulsions and then my cats ending up hurt. I can't shake the feeling of guilt. Has anyone else here dealt with something similar? I need perspective.
Hi! Welcome to this community If you are on low cost I really recommend checking out The mindfulness workbook for OCD by Hershfield and Corboy. It really has helped me out alot.
It's an interactive book who helps you get a deeper understanding of OCD and specific obsessions. You also learn different exposure techniques and how mediation can help your recovery.
I would like to welcome you to the OCD Support Network.
Welcome! I too have a cat and worry about things she could get into that may cause her harm like leaving plastic bags lying around, making sure dental floss and ribbon or string or window cords aren’t lying around where she may swallow or get wound up in and get strangulated. It’s all tied into the responsibility worry of OCD.
I'm sorry that you, too, have to worry so much. However it is nice to hear other people struggling with me. Thank you for responding. I appreciate it. Do you have any methods that have helped you cope with that specifically?
Unfortunately not really. I try to tell myself that if she was outside ( she’s an indoor cat) she would be exposed to all kinds of harmful things and cats seem to survive ok. I realize it’s my OCD making me worry so much as my husband and other people think nothing of it ( looking out for possible dangers). It’s part of hyper responsibility OCD and feeling like it’s my responsibility to make sure no one else is in danger if I can prevent it. I know it is unreasonable to feel this way. Would be curious to hear from anybody else who struggles with this as well.
I have cats (and a dog), and I have OCD, but I don't have your particular obsession. I think it ultimately doesn't matter though. We all face some scenario that is 99.99% unlikely and irrational, but we find the worry and guilt about that .01% so compelling that we do compulsions anyway.
You would likely benefit from ERP (exposure and response prevention). This is detailed in many places on the web and in many books. I've become a big fan of Dr. Reid Wilson, who has a lot of resources on his website (some free): anxieties.com/
It sounds like you recognize that a lot of your worries and behaviors are irrational. Before starting ERP, I think it helps to identify (when you are thinking rationally and objectively) what are valid precautions and what are OCD worries. Draw a line between what a "normal" person would do and what OCD is telling you to do. So you might say it's reasonable to make sure the iron is unplugged so the cats don't knock it over and torch the place while you're out, but it is OCD to lock the iron in a cabinet so they don't somehow plug it in on their own. (Just an example - I probably haven't used an iron in at least 5 years.)
Once you identify what fears are exaggerated and irrational, you work on stopping the compulsions surrounding them. An ERP program will have you rank your obsessions from least to most distressing, and you tackle the least distressing obsessions first. Even though you may think you can't tolerate any guilt and anxiety at first, you will discover that the feelings dissipate on their own, even if it takes hours. As you get used to them, you can tolerate more and more. The point is to gradually teach your anxious brain that it doesn't NEED to do compulsions to eliminate the anxiety.
Of course this is really hard, but it helps to remember that your brain is sending you false alarms that just seem really real. One of Dr. Wilson's more helpful points (to me) is that you can't fight the OCD on its own terms -- the content of your obsessions. No one could stand leaving home thinking that their cats are in danger, so as long as you frame your worry like that, you are doomed to check and check and check, because your brain has generated a too-high bar of what it takes to keep your cats reasonably safe. BUT if you reframe it as an anxiety issue ("If I leave home without checking everything, I will just become irrationally worried and uncomfortable") it becomes something you can handle. Eventually your brain hits the panic button less and less frequently, and you pay less and less attention to it, because you've demonstrated that its alarms are irrelevant to you.
Thank you so so much. That was really helpful to hear. I will definitely check that out, seems like I've kind of been doing it subconsciously already just to barely get by. I think it should definitely work if I really focus on it.
I also think I accidentally did this same thing when I was a kid to get past the irrational fears. I have just lost sight of that.
Also I got a good laugh from your iron example. Really does highlight just how irrational our fears can be though! Seems ridiculous but then I worry about them somehow getting into our medicine cabinet, opening our pill bottles, and eating them like treats.
Truly our minds can play the craziest tricks on us.
I think OCD latches onto the idea that given enough time even the craziest scenarios are possible, sort of like the Infinite Monkey Theorem (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infin....
Along those lines, one other thing that has helped me lately is accepting that there is always a chance my fears will come true. When I was younger I used to think that OCD recovery was all about eliminating the doubts, but in fact therapy focuses on becoming comfortable with reasonable amounts of doubt. I'm getting better at accepting one-in-a-million chances that something terrible will happen in the future, because eliminating those chances altogether costs me (and my family) peace and sanity in the present.
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If you are on low cost I really recommend checking out The mindfulness workbook for OCD by Hershfield and Corboy. It really has helped me out alot. 
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