Grief

[vis1]

completely unexpectedly and devastatingly , my dearest sister, aged 56, died a few hours ago. She was at home and although her breathing had been a bit odd over the last few days, the very last thing we were expecting was this. I sopke to her a few hours ago. How do people get over this bottomless grief?

[Yanno]

Vis , what can we say, I’m not sure words help at a time like this. I can only imagine what you are going through; it’s something my worst nightmares are made of. It’s no help but sadly I don’t think one gets over bottomless grief, you learn to live with it.

Our heartfelt thoughts are with you and the family.

Take care, Ian

[vis1 in reply to Yanno]

Thank you Ian. Your line about "worst nightmare" completely described my feelings. I hope that you are both ok.Jane

[Hellebelle]

Hi Vis,

I am so sorry to read this. When it is unexpected like this it seems so cruel. I can only offer my heartfelt condolences and hope that you find some comfort knowing that you are very much in our thoughts.

I know it is a bit of a cliche, but in my experience, time is a healer, although you probably don't feel that way at the moment. It is a case of learning to live with this grief and giving thanks for the time you were able to spend together. In time, you will most likely be able to remember all the good times. In the meantime, please be kind to yourself. Everyone reacts differently to grief and there is no right or wrong way.

Sending loving thoughts your way.

Helen xx

[vis1 in reply to Hellebelle]

Helen - there is such kindness in this forum. Thank you for your message - it really does mean a lot.Jane

[Derkie54]

So sorry to hear your sad news, our thoughts are with you.

[FredaE in reply to Derkie54]

We have just got an invitation to attend our local centre next Wednesday. I am 82 and my partner David is 89 which explains it I think. Here in Cornwall the numbers seem to be rising very fast from a low level so we will not be taking risks even when we have developed immunity both for our selves and for other people. I regard this as something which can reduce the likllihood and severity of any infection, not a licence to go out carousing

[Derkie54 in reply to FredaE]

I agree Freda have the jab......but still stay safe.

[vis1 in reply to Derkie54]

Thank you Derek. I hope that you and your wife are as OK as is possible at the moment.

[Courgettegrower]

So very sorry to hear this. Keep strong and recall the good times when you can.

[vis1 in reply to Courgettegrower]

Thank you. I think I'm failing quite badly in the staying strong stakes at the moment. So many tears. I hope that you and Ian are OK.Jane

[chester2107]

so sorry to hear this , devastating for you , lve lost friends suddenly in the past and it’s such a huge loss , as you say without any time to accept it, even if someone is ill , you never really think you are going to lose them but yes time is a healer , i really hope you have friends and family around to help you cope , sending love ❤️

elaine

[vis1 in reply to chester2107]

Thank you Elaine. I'm lucky to have a great husband and friends and my brother in law has a big family and friends and they are truly all a blessing.Jane

[chester2107 in reply to vis1]

that’s good to hear x

[Hidden]

Very sorry for your loss. Kx

[vis1 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you K.

[Madauntie]

So very sorry for your loss x

[vis1 in reply to Madauntie]

Impy, thank you. You sound like you are a truly remarkable person and I hope that you are OK through this utterly awful COVID time.Jane

[IvyRose64]

So sorry to hear your sad news sending condolences to you and your family xx

[vis1 in reply to IvyRose64]

Thank you. I know that you are also recently bereaved , so taking the trouble to reply means a lot.Jane

[Ssandyy]

So sorry I know what to say, my heart goes out to you and your family 🙏🙏

[vis1 in reply to Ssandyy]

Thank you, I miss my sister so much.

[Andrashko]

I am so sorry to hear about your sister. As others have stated, it will take time. I lost both my brothers in less than 2 months (one to alcohol and the other to suicide), then we got the news of my husband's diagnosis of MSA-C. It was more than I could handle, and the only thing that helped me get thru those first few weeks was to sit alone and just let all my emotions out. Cry the ugly cry, beat the pillow, do what you need to do to let it out Then when the anger is out, remember the good times and learn to go on without them. Until we see them again, know that she is watching over you. Talk to her, she may hear you. And if not, it helped me get thru those first few months where you question why. My heart is with you. It does get easier, but it will take time.

[vis1 in reply to Andrashko]

Thank you. I means so much that people will take time to write these messages. Your advice is very welcome and helpful and I'll try to remember your words.Jane

[FredaE in reply to Andrashko]

such brilliant advice. We often think that being strong is all stiff upper lip but you need to be strong to take your advice and it helps shout and rage . when life is so unfair and awful.

[Kiwimagic]

So very sorry to hear this. May your sister rest in peace x

[Annietutt]

I am very sorry to hear your sad news. I can only send heartfelt condolences.

[Niknak74]

So sorry Vis that you've lost your sister. Grief is such a difficult thing to deal with. All we can do is try and remember the great experiences and moments we shared with them and be glad they're not struggling any longer.

Sending you and your family much love at this time.

Nik x

[Diane831]

So sorry to hear this. How difficult that it was so unexpected. I will just add my thought to the others who have encouraged you to let your emotions out. Find a moment to explore how you are feeling and acknowledge it. This is grief and everything is ok! Trying to stay strong in exhausting. Cry, shout at God or whatever - your grief is yours - and then remember the good times before MSA.

I always say that I am only who I am because of who Geoff made me, a better version of me, and so I carry him in me all the time.

I am sure that in time you will appreciate that she didn’t go through the worst of the suffering that this horrible disease can bring.

Diane

[vis1 in reply to Diane831]

Diane, thank you. Your last line made me pause . My sister's MSA developed frighteningly quickly and although she went through hell with this disease, you are probably right that she didn't go through the absolute worst that this ghastly illness can throw at you.

[heysunshine]

I am sorry to hear of your sudden and unexpected news of your sister's passing. I send heartfelt condolences and prayers for you as you cope with your loss.🖤🙏

[Hidden]

I'm sorry to hear of your sad news, not sure hiw much of a comfort it is now but at least she is at peace. My thought and prayers are with you and your family.X