Those of you who know me know that it’s not usually in my repertoire to moan but I think I’m in need of a bit of support from people who understand.
My hobbies are craft and gardening but I’m finding both slipping away at the moment. I am experiencing feelings akin to PMT with little patience for craft. It also means I am getting a bit snappy with my partner (early Alzheimer’s) by the time I’ve answered the same question 5 times and I hate myself for that. Gardening is becoming a real physical problem so can only be done one tub at a time!
Our kitchen floor is being ripped up at the moment because of a leak or leaks. The bathroom is next! The exposed floor is drying out but under the cupboards etc is obviously still wet so I guess they will have to come out too. What fun!
On top of that I have been advised that a blood donor I received blood from has gone on to a diagnosis of hepatitis! I have to go for a screening blood test tomorrow but as they screen donated blood I am hoping it’s not going to be a problem for me.
When I look at what I have written I realise that I actually have no control over any of it so there is no point in stressing over any of it. I need to learn to accept the things I can’t change!! I need to follow my own advice and go and sit by the sea for a bit, watch the baby birds bring new life to my garden, enjoy the sunshine without sitting in it and look forward to a family gathering in a couple of weeks time when I go for my annual appointment with Claire Harrison. I have also heard that the iron chelation drug Exjade is now off license so my health authority might pay for the generic version hence relieving me of sleeping with a needle stuck in my stomach 3 nights a week. See! A good deal of positives to push out the negatives😊😊😊
I hope you are all doing well and coping with your particular stresses and strains. Best wishes, Jan x
Written by
beetle
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I think you are entitled to a bit of venting. Been there and done that myself when things pile up. We are here to listen to each other and provide support. I expect most would be more than a little overwhelmed at this point.
I like your idea of seeking the positive and focusing on that. Also letting go of the things you cannot control. That is why I start every day with the Serenity Prayer. It helps to remind me to seek the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and enjoy each moment that I can. One highlight here is that the Bluebells will soon be in bloom down by the river. It is a sign of good times.
Of course you are entitled to a moan. It’s difficult for anyone to handle everything you’re going through. It’s great that you’re trying to find the positive and look to the future because life has many ups and downs. And please don’t beat yourself up about your husband. My dad had Alzheimer’s and my brother has mental health issues and I have to constantly try to control myself when I speak to him because it’s so frustrating and stressful. I’m not always successful.
I hope your home gets finished soon and that you find a way to get back to gardening.
Hello beetle - that’s an awful lot hitting you at once + certainly warrants a moan! - try to attack each problem 1 at a time (I know not always so easy - I definitely find my ‘rage’ slips out occasionally) - a quiet sit by the sea sounds a good plan - hope things settle for you soon. Very best Anne-Marie x
You are absolutely entitled to moan and here is just the place to do it. That's a lot you have going on and venting is probably good for you. In particular, I think our homes are our havens and leaks etc are really stressful. I agree you could go and sit by the sea and BREATHE.
Hi Jan. sorry to hear about your problems hitting at such a rate, very overwhelming for you. I totally understand, things we would have coped with years ago now just swamp us. As you say you can’t do anything about some of those problems once they are being fixed but it’s very frustrating with the house upside down. As for snapping at your partner, repeating your words over and over is the thing that gets to me too eventually, then like yourself I feel so guilty because my partner is not well either, I then apologise and on we go. It’s quite strange as I have fabrics that I have plans to do nice things with but my motivation has abandoned me completely .
As to the garden I can’t manage that either, so I am reluctantly paying for someone to tend it. Very tough as I am rather critical if it’s not done as I like it😧.
So again like you I have filled baskets and pots with colour 🌷🌺🌼🌹we will look at those and ignore the rest of the untidy garden. 😎 yes in the shade of course🙂
Have a lovely visit with your family, (always does you good) Also I hope your visit to see the Prof is positive and that you get your desired medication.
You have a great attitude and being aware of how you feel now helps it shift with time . Hope your family gathering will do you good and screening tomorrow is ok
Thank you for your post, I genuinely find relief from other people’s moan. They fill me with relief knowing I’m not alone. When things are out of my hands I find it stressful. Finding a plumber who can attend at the snap of my fingers, a replacement floor, filling in insurance forms. Regarding the gardening( I only have ET) I’ve noticed what would take me 1 hour takes 3. I’m no longer enthusiastic. All of a sudden my mojo deserted me about 18 months ago. I’m quite happy to sit and watch the birds in the garden. Motivation is a thing of the past and it’s beating me up more so as I watch my husband, newly retired, content with doing nothing which makes matters worse. Is it ET or is it an age thing?
I love this site for being able to express all of the above.
You take care, just one more thing, if you are a carer for your partner did you know you are entitled to be assessed by social services ( Carer’s assessment it’s a one off payment of up to £150) so that you can treat yourself I knew about it last December too late now as my mum is now in a home. Hope your appointment in London goes well and you have favourable blood results💝
To be honest with you, I would have a good moan too. You've got a lot going on. But as Hunter says, you are finding the positives too. With spring around us, it's hard not to see the beauty and smile. Take care and one day at a time.
Hi Beetle, totally understand all you say and you have every right to feel the way you do.
This forum, once again is a godsend for venting like this and knowing you will be received in a positive way. Hoping you get some good answers soon, your leaks dry up and you will see the sunshine again soon. Think as you have also spoken about some good things here you will be able to get through soon, wishing you well.
Please let us know how you are getting on, hopefully by keeping in touch it will help you vent your feelings and we can help, if only in tiny ways.
Hi Jan,That is a lot to cope with! Not surprised you feel a little overwhelmed. Having repairs done in your home can be very uncomfortable at the best of times so with everything else you have going on at the moment it’s not surprising you feel as you do. It sounds as if you need to give yourself a little treat every day - be it a walk by the sea or just a peaceful corner in the house or your garden where you can be by yourself for a little while.
Thinking of you and hoping that one by one these worries will lift and life will become more manageable. 🌻
Everyone here has expressed such great replies here that I genuinely do not feel there is much I can add, other than reaffirm all that they have said. The Serenity Prayer Hunter has mentioned is easily available on google and is so appropriate for trying to deal with each day as it comes, and boy sometimes we know how difficult that can be. Sounds as though you are coping with a great deal and may you know many blessings from day to day.
This really has to be the best support group on the planet! You are all such lovely folk. So kind. No snide comments that I sometimes see on other forums. I have a great family around me who would do anything for me. I’m lucky in that respect I guess as you hear some awful things about how children treat their parents. My grandchildren give me special pleasure too
I came to another conclusion this morning too. My partner and I both developed bad coughs last week which do not appear to be getting any better. It’s taken me until today to realise they have probably been caused by lifting the sodden and inevitably mouldy floor. Today we are going to open all the windows ( I hate flies🙁) and see if we can clear the air a bit. I’m sure this should help!
I thank you all most sincerely for all your comments. I know we are all here to help and support each other but when you are on the receiving end of that it really does give you the “warm and fuzzies” and the knowledge that you aren’t alone is worth it’s weight in gold
Jan you've been here down the years helping me and others in their hour of need so it's only right it is reciprocated. It's good you have family to help out and once your home is put back to rights I'm sure you'll feel much better going forward.
Hi Beetle. I’ve just found your post and my heart goes out to you. The beauty of this forum is that you can safely vent, seek advice and support.You are having a tough time with external issues (leaks etc), and your partners situation means that much is on your shoulders. I understand how challenging it can be to cope with dementia and how patience can run thin.
Then you have the worries of your own medical problems and worries.
Have you mentioned the physical (tiredness?) matter to your doctors?
Concentration on your good things is helpful, perhaps add in some breathing exercises for moments of big stress. Maybe find a gentle yoga class which can teach you these techniques. It certainly helps me when I’m stressed.
Hey Jan, , I'm sorry things are tough for you just now and it's a real shame your not finding the same solace in your hobbies, , , , but hang in there because I'm sure you'll turn a corner soon and you recognise that there's little you can do to influence most of what's going on. Better to let off some steam to us here than bottle it all up so that's a step forward in my book. I hope this work out with your iron chelation drug.
Hey Chris! How are you? We re alive! We’re alive! Creaking along but still here sticking two fingers up at Covid. I ve got a face full of keratosisssss ( Thankyou hydroxicarbamide) which have to be treated with some sort of cream - the result will be fairly horrendous for a few months but then hopefully will be better. I think I ll just carry on wearing my mask …….Could be worse. They could have been basal cell carcinoma s ( all 20 of them) and I d have had a face like a road map 😳 not everyone gets these in case you all think crikey! I spent a lot of time in the sun as a child ( parents lived abroad) and of course no one bothered with factor 50 then.
Hoping you re feeling ok and that life is treating you well xxx
Hi Louise, , ticking along with a fews ups and occasional downs. Thanks for asking ! Keep an eye on Forum posts to see if any stalwarts pop up 😃. . Which they do sometimes but sadly a few are no longer with us two of which I spoke with regularly and miss them.
I'm sorry about that condition affecting your face gee couldn't be in a worse place so don't blame you for continuing wearing a mask as it serves a dual purpose, I too wear one in shops and it serves a dual purpose coz folk tend not to speak and give you a wider berth being in the minority now.
Need to get my 4th booster jab as well overdue but had a bad cold xx
Hope it helps to hear that I had a friend with keratosis on his face. After a few months of just looking a bit odd with all the cream, he recovered completely and you would never know he had had it 🙂
HiThat’s so kind of you! Certainly giving me a boost. I was wondering if I d be stuck with a face that looks as though it’s been in a steam tunnel! Thanks so much x
Thanks 😂😂 as an ageing bird of 68 I m not quite so bothered what I look like - as long as it goes…….don’t want to look as though I ve been overcooked in a blast steamer forever. X
Dear Jan, yikes, but you have some of the major life stressors all happening together. No wonder you’re stressed out. I echo the suggestion that every day you carve out some “healthy soul reviving” time by yourself. Whether it’s sitting my throat sea (my choice), listening to birds (another favorite) or sitting outside in the sun. I can’t believe you’re able to live in your house while that’s being done & you’re so wise to open your windows!! If it helps you deal with the flies, I’m in Florida & we have the dreaded cockroaches which creep me out. Are there any support services you’re entitled to to help with your husband? Like others I’m impressed by your strength under such stressful times, and am sending much positive energy & healing-plus an extra big E-hug. Katie
That’s a lot for a healthy person to contend with let alone someone in your position. All that messy upheaval in the home is so stressful. I think we’ve all been there at some point. You are certainly entitled to feel the way you do right now, however, be assured you will have better days too.
I care for my Mum who has dementia, so I can very much relate to the snapping/guilt you describe of caring for someone with Alzheimers, it’s a normal reaction, don’t beat yourself up. It might be a good idea when you have your family get together to let them know about the bad days too. Hope you enjoy your get together.
Hi JanWell I think that was an excellent post and just how we all need to be - have a jolly good moan but try and have cup three quarters full!
My ancient old ma ( 100 on New Year’s Day and in a care home now) lived with us for 32 years. She started with dementia when she was 90. She would potter through from her part of the house for a coffee every morning and I would have the same old questions “ have I got any money dear” “has Ida got all her own teeth” 😂😂 Ida is my mother in law, and “ when do you think I’ll die”
( difficult one that, as I don’t have a direct line to god) She obviously has no plans to depart the mortal coil just yet.
These would be repeated at least ten times in half an hour. You have my sympathy….but you re doing just the right thing in repeating your answers and not getting cross. It’s very hard and my heart goes out to you.
Next, gardening. We downsized 18 months ago from an acre to a small lawn and rockery. I now happily gaze at the weeds nestled in amongst the flora and fauna and think “ sod it, I ll do it tomorrow” Digging absolutely floors me.
Currently with elder daughter and their twins of 3 and 3 month old baby. Oh boy. I shall trundle home on Friday and collapse!!
On the bright side I feel well, have a super family, long suffering husband ( I too get jolly short tempered) and we live in a lovely part of the world. Life ain’t that bad.
We were lucky enough to go to Malta in April. Photo is of me hiding from the sun whilst having a cuppa and cake. Waiter thought it was hilarious. All we need is factor 50, big specs, a big ‘at and a large white napkin, in the absence of a brolly.
I love your sense of humour. I have one too but it has been failing a bit recently! I’m off to meet a lovely nurse who used to do my blood transfusions but has since left the profession today for lunch. We will put the world to rights and laugh a lot so an excellent tonic. As mother nature has chosen today to give us some much needed rain my napkin might be used as an umbrella instead of a sunshade! Stay well x
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