Pregnancy and labour. : So. I'm... - Mental Health Sup...

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Pregnancy and labour.

Clockwor profile image
Clockwor

So. I'm terrified of labour. The pain. Possible death. And how my other half will look at me during and after. No I'm not pregnant and I want children badly as dose he when were married and ready. But I can't shake this fear. This nagging anxiety.

There is no doubt in my mind my man loves me for me. He takes care of me, works hard, makes me feel so sexy and loved and adored. Hes had a secret crush on my for a decade before we ended up together. I've had my fair share of bad relationships and it felt so uncomfortable at first having such a good kind man love me like he dose. I've never been happier and I really want to have his children.

But what will he see? Me get fat, stretch marks, mood swings, vomiting and emotional? What about during my most feared time of labour when I'm terrified and screaming in pain? What about after when I'm stretched, sleep deprived, quiet and focusing completely on my baby?

What will he think when he looks at me? Is it all in my head?

I'm scared. And I don't know what to do about it. Any advice because I really need to get over this.

Thank you for reading.

7 Replies

Talk to your Doctor regards this Anxiety/Fear. You are not unusual regarding this and your Doctor can suggest a course of treatment to help your fears.

The health Service also has courses for new expectant mothers to help you with the time leading to birth and afterwards.

Talk to your Doctor, if need be take your Husband with you, men are supposed to take a proactive part in the early stages etc

BOB

Thank you. I'd like to think that no matter what he will love and support me. But the stories I've head and the amount of change you go through.....I just dont know. I did bring it up, that I wouldn't look the same and I'd be a complete mess. He laughed it off and joked with me about how we both would.

I just cant help think he will be so shocked at me. And having children changes your life forever.

Maybe I'm thinking about this too deep.

Good Luck with what you decide. Birth is a natural process, A Womans Body is designed for pregnancy your Doctor can arrange support for both of you so do not worry

BOB

Honestly, if your guy loves you, he'll see all those changes as evidence of the love you two share. A lot of pregnant people feel great. As for labour, I'll give you the advice one of my sisters-in-law gave me: take the drugs! And if you really don't want to go through pregnancy and labour, remember that there are children out there waiting for loving parents to adopt them.

Clockwor profile image
Clockwor in reply to SoporRose

Thank you. I've read some stories of men really falling out of love with their women as they change and grow. My self confidence and mental state have never been all that good. Hes the first one to see me at my worst and still cared about me enough to pick me up. It's so good right now I'm scared I'll ruin it or pregnancy will cause us to fall out of love. I've never been so happy and I'm scare it will all be taken away from me and I'll go back to been the numb stone faced girl I was.

I'll talk to my doctor. I need to know what's out there to help me.

Thank you everyone

Hi I understand how you feel about labour I was only 18yrs old when I had my first child and I had to have a C-section due to him being breech and sat on his leg this frightened me as I had never had a operation before and I have heard all the horror stories plus I am epileptic so I was worried about having a fit during the operation so I asked them to put me fully out as I didn't have any other choice and I was fine a friend of mine who has gone through natural labour 6 times and only used gas and air says that it helps if you don't scream but bite down hard on the mouthpiece it makes it easier and less painful. The pregnancy side of it I've always been unlucky and had server morning sickness so I've lost weight not put it on but my 1st husband actually married me a month after finding out I was pregnant ( we where already getting ready to be married ) but he even drank my champagne for me so we could keep it quiet ( he ended up tipsy on our wedding day because of keeping me and the baby in good condition ) he always said to me was I ok and when it came to having a bath ( I'm supposed to have a shower only but our home at the time only had a bath) he said to me can I put the jug on your stomach to see if our baby is awake if the jug was kicked off he would talk to my stomach I think that was the happiest time I can recall due to unforseen circumstances he passed away but the children made his life. He just couldn't be in the room with me as he had a weak stomach and almost fainted but honestly don't worry I still don't like the idea of natural labour but I wouldn't mind having another one.

Giving birth naturally is a very gross thing to go through. (Don't be scared off by this comment, bare with.me)I told my husband that I wanted him to stay up the head end of the bed and do NOT look or go "down there". But once you are actually giving birth, honestly you get to the point that you really do not care and you just want it done/finished. I was a complete state, blood, sweat, tears, screaming, shouting, swearing and even pooping (yes, unfortunately that does happen). Very gross. But my husband was aware of the potential "yuck" factor and he did indeed look down there and it said it made him love me more. Watching me go through all that pain and suffering and all he could do was stand at the side and watch, feeling helpless. He was amazed at what I went through to bring our son into the world and he loves me more for it.

By the sound of it, you have got yourself a great guy there, who loves you, for you. Labour and pregnancy shouldn't change how he feels for you, other than increase his feelings. You will be growing your child and bringing them into the world, things that he is unable to do. Once you are on labour you won't care, your body will take over and know what to do, then when your new baby is in your arms all the labour mess blurs into the background and you forget about it.

When I am having a rough day/not looking or feeling my best, I sometimes question if he still thinks I am beautiful/still loves me and he always says "I watched you shit on our sons head and I am still here and love you more and more"

Lol.

As for your changing body during and after pregnancy, chances are, you are likely to bounce back to your original shape if you take care during pregnancy.

That whole "eating for two" is bs, don't be fooled into think you need to eat double of everything, you don't. You only need to consume a fraction more and some extra vitamins/supplements (folic acid and vit d) if you don't pig out then you shouldn't gain much weight after pregnancy/birth/baby weight. And use either coconut oil or bio oil or Palmer's cocoa butter on your tummy every morning and night (,and after showers/baths) while pregnant and for a few months after birth and this should help prevent stretch marks. Plus for a little extra help, I personally used a corset type body shaper everyday for about 3 months after birth to help bring my body back to how it was plus it made me feel a bit more comfortable, as you may feel a bit empty/loose in your tummy after birth. The body shaper helped me feel tighter and more comfortable.

Either way, you shouldn't worry about it (easier said than done I know) but if he really does love you and it sounds like he does, very much, then he won't fall out of love with you and chances are he will love you more for it and your bond will grow

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