Despair

[Blatny]

Hi, everyone, I'm in despair. I want to kill myself but don't know how. Everything is meaningless. I feel like I'm walking through shadows - of poison. I throw up a lot - I am disgusting and disgusted. Without God - who I cannot believe in - what?

[MAS_Nurse]

Blatny

Hello Blatny, thank you for your message. It sounds as if you are having a very bad time.

This is a caring community, we really care about you. Please tell us more about how things have been for you. Our members are really there for you and may have a lot of help and experience to offer you.

Please go to see your doctor and talk about how you feel. Have you a support worker?

Have you talked with anyone this can be a good start.

There are crisis lines listed in the pinned posts.

The Samaritans are always there give them a call on 116123 24hrs a day.

Please tell us more we really want to help, to get you to a better place.

Do take care and get back to us

Best wishes

[Hidden]

Hi But why do you feel/think like this?

Have you sat down and looked throughly at yourself&ask yourself the question why?

One of the things in life is to find others is first to find yourself.

Others can provide the help/door/lock etc but you have to provide the key to unlock life then once done you find the real better life of fullfilment with a better understanding of yourself and what drives you.

Many times it's hard and often what you/others could think a harsh comment/remark can be like a jump start as think! What makes them say that what do they see/notice about me that i'm not/don't see/know?

I'm probably far older than you? Been in many many many places/situations over my life with my back up against the wall!.

I come under the Mental health Act one being deemed Autistic with Asperger's for one where we can go from good to bad in a matter of a second!.

Plus many other things in life.

But i won't let things beat me as i'm the winner!

Have a mechanism to get through things.

But one talk/think about what you can do so look ahead not behind keeping your head up high.

Hope that helps.

[EmmyLoop]

You don't have to worry about whether or not you can believe in God right now. Spirituality is a unique and sacred life- long journey for each individual.

Second, have you been deeply hurt, rejected, or betrayed recently? I'm asking because those are the feelings that have caused my physical body to react with vomiting. It's just awful. Rejection is some of the most traumatic pain I've ever felt, and betrayal literally feels like my insides are burning.

Lastly, I can understand walking through dark shadows, from anxiety and feeling overwhelmed, even lost. I can understand feeling poisoned. There's a reason therapists use the word "toxic" to describe certain people. The sustained stress they cause others can leave the victim feeling disgusted, enraged, exhausted, physically sick and helpless.

Do you relate to any of this?

[Blatny]

I want to say, thank you. No, no, no. I don't talk to anyone, I don't believe in God (I want to!), I don't believe in anyone.

[Blatny]

Emmy, thank you - I feel I am poison - therefore, I disappear. I hate myself - but I'm a coward

[CaptainCrunch]

Blatny, so hurt to hear you suffering like this. Faith in God can be a real wrestling match. I agree with EmmyLoop. I struggle myself with my own Faith. I am slowly learning to let go and let God be in control. Hard stuff though, so know you are not alone even if you don’t believe and want to.

I too have been so low and in despair just as you sound. It is no easy road. It takes time. Best thing I have found to do is to just do nothing. Take things slow. Just breath. Eat your favorite snack. Go for a short walk. Write your feelings down. Watch your favorite program or movie.

Mainly just hold still and focus on relaxing. If things get worse call 911 for help. You have a purpose though you don’t feel it now.

We are just glad you are here because everyone here I imagine has been where you are at. And one day we will need your support. Please keep posting!