Feel so lost and alone.

[nicola1985]

Had a really bad couple of days. Honestly believe everyone around me would be better off if I wasn’t here anymore. Struggling to sleep tonight. Can’t get my head to switch off got so much stuff going round it.

[Crinkster]

I've felt like that at times years ago. I even tried to take my own life five times. Now I realize that as long as I'm med compliant, the worst will pass - as surely as the sun will rise. Don't lay in bed and ruminate about everything; distract yourself in some way. Play music, put something on television (especially if it's boring because you'll fall asleep in the chair) or call a hotline just to have someone to chat with. Hang in there, nicola. Better times are ahead...take it from someone who has seen the bottom and survived.

[Blueshirt]

The chances are that if you weren't around people would be upset. The one person, and the only person, who counts is you. If you aren't around then you would be worse off. You are being too tough on yourself; give yourself a break. It's awful when one's mind id full of stuff that won't go away; horrible thoughts that crush you. As Crinksetr said; watch some TV. Watch an old movie; a comedy preferably or a western. Avoid the News channels. Go for a walk or go to the gym and walk for an hour on a treadmill. Try breathing in long deep breaths counting a you do so, and breath out slowly also counting. Fill your lungs and imagine the air filling you up inside then let it out slowly. Do this ten times. Try to not think about the past, or the future. Just look at the sky and think you can get through today and getting through today is all that counts. You count; you are special; and you will have peace here on this earth when you least expect it and you will be ok

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Nicola, Your life is valuable and important to us and I'm sure to your nearest and dearest. May I urge you to speak with your doctor or mental health professional about how you are feeling? They can help not only with medication but with talking therapies to help you deal with intrusive, negative thoughts. Do keep check out our pinned posts section at free mental health guides, and keep handy our international crisis helplines. Distracting your mind by doing something positive and uplifting can help.

Stay safe, keep in touch, we are listening.

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

[20Voices]

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I have been there and know how it feels. I had days where I didn't eat, or even get out of bed. I did stupid things that could have ended my life because I was so scared and didn't know what was happening. I had times when I was really paranoid and was even convinced that the only thing wrong with me was that I was attention seeking and just lazy. All those thoughts were not right but I thought they were. I was even convinced that the medical staff didn't believe me because of the constant questioning of what it was that caused me to be ill. I had no idea and didn't know and just felt like I must have been making it up. The voices in my head were bad, hence my username.

Anyway, the things that helped me included this forum because on here I read about other peoples experiences and realised I was not allow.

I insisted that I was not taking medication and pushed my GP to get me signed up for alternative programs before I would agree to take medication. He was very good with me and gave me the information to help me decide the medication would help. (Even although my head was fuzzy and I couldn't concentrate he took the time to explain what the medication would do and how it would help. I know that I am luckier than most as I know a lot of people have just been told to take the tablets and not really understood what they are for or that you really need to do other things to help along with the medication. )

Easy things that you can do to help yourself is try having a list of tasks to do each day and ensure that you are aware that it is not about getting them all done, but it is about giving your tired and upset brain a guide to what you need to do each day. Make them easy tasks to start with and only a couple of things. Ensure that you have something on the list that you find enjoyable and relaxing to do. If you don't get the list completed that day, just move things over to the next day.

If you have voices in your head (like I did, hence my username) realising that it is okay others have voices to can be a huge help. It was for me when someone I knew asked me if I heard voices. I didn't even need to answer him for him to know that I did. He just smiled and said that it was okay to hear them and that they would get quieter as I learned what I needed to do to get better. He was right and I am so grateful for his words.

Other things I did included getting signed up for CBT programs and Stress Control programs. I stopped using social media and only used this forum to talk to people. Even then I would create posts but was well aware that I would not get answers on messages the second I had pressed the button.

I stopped watching the news or reading the news paper, far too depressing and I stopped watch all TV programs and films that were over violent or depressing. I watch a lot of animated films like Monsters Inc and Ice Age if I wanted to watch something.

I revamped my bedroom to get rid of all electronic devises from it and set up a "sleep routine" so that I had a plan of meditation and what to drink and eat before bed. If I couldn't sleep I got up and read a book (but nothing depressing or violent) and I always made sure to go back to bed when I felt sleepy to encourage me not to sleep anyway where but my bed.

I did daily journals of general how I was feeling and on the bad days I would just write whatever came into my head. Now I can look back and see that some of my worst days now are far far better than my good days a year ago and that shows the progress I have made.

I know now that one of my problems was buying into this "you must give 150%" attitude that exists and the "your best is not good enough" attitude that exists at some places of work and even in some relationships as well.

The day I accepted that I am only human and all humans are unique and not perfect was the day my life really changed. I hope you are able to find that one little thing that turns things around for yourself, but please know that we are all unique and that makes each one of us special and gives each one of us something to offer to the world. If you have critics around you that cannot accept that and that you need time for yourself and a bit of help right now, then maybe they need to give you space to find the techniques that will help you to get better. By better I mean better and happier than you were before all this "stuff" happened to you.

Sorry for the long winded response, i talk too much at times, but i just wanted you to know there is hope and you can get through this and that many people have the same feelings and they may have found different ways of coping but there are things you can do to feel better and you will get there.

P.S. If you find something doesn't work, don't give up try something else. See a psychiatrist didn't work for me, but I know it has helped others.

Take care and try and do something everyday and a bit more each day and try and not get too angry if you find that some days you can't do as much. I found my journey has been like a rollercoaster ride, with highs and lows and twists and turns, but the main thing is that you keep going. Also if you need really urgent help and no friends are about, please, please call your local helpline as that is what they are there for and sometimes just having the voice of a stranger who will listen to you can be enough. It helped me out of doing something really stupid and I am so glad I called, even although I was thinking at the time that I was not ill enough to be calling them. They are meant for us all when we need that help.

Take care. xx