I'll try and keep this concise, but basically in the past I suffered severe depression due to something happening that convinced me I had suffered brain damage. One day, I realised my brain wasn't damaged and that day was my the start of my return.
Fast forward to 2015, I'd been to a brutal thai boxing sparring session where I took too many punches and kicks. I felt depressed afterwards. The next day in work my cognition was way off, I couldnt function and started thinking "concussion".
Long story short, had a clear CT scan, but I still wasnt right. I told my then GP and psychiatrist I was scared I'd gotten brain damage sparring. I was told it was my depression coming back. I was off work for 3 months living in fear, thinking the medical people had got it wrong. I was so glad to recover, but I've been very anxious/paranoid about banging my head ever since.
2017 was a personal nightmare with enough life events to push the most mentally robust over the edge, but I clung on in there until an incident at the gym triggered off concussion / brain damage fears again.
Basically, I lowered 2x30kg dumbells to the floor while still partially holding them - because of how I was sat, this thud shockwaved up through my arms causing a jolt in my skull. I had balance and cognitive symptoms a few days later, struggled at work, became convinced it was concussion and sank into depression.
My GP assessed me a few days after the incident, as did the hospital. They thought concussion was highly unlikely. My GP has stated many times since that I've not had a brain injury, that this is anxiety and depression caused by a crappy 2017.
I've developed tinnitus and it appears, some sleep apnea/loud snoring that wakes me up. My memory is shot, I seem to have lost my personality, have no emotion or motivation to even get out of bed. I realise that thinking I've got brain damage will worsen depression, but anxiety and depression are symptoms of brain injury.
Any thoughts or feedback would be welcome