hi

[johndoez]

I've got to quite a bad place. I've been here before and recognise the symptoms of depression.

I hate working full-time, but I'm scared of trying to do anything else. I drink too much because I'm unhappy. I don't have any friends as they have moved on yet I have not.

I think I may also be gay, or at least bisexual. Perhaps that is the key to it all. However, I'm painfully shy and would hate the attention of being gay, where I live nobody is out and some family members are homophobic. I have never really stood up for myself because I'm so sensitive and hate conflict.

What is most frustrating is that I have had opportunities to address this. I went to university where there were gay people, but I fell into the straight crowd. I am now way into my 30s, living at home, and full of despair. I wish I had never moved back. I wish I had had the courage to pursue a different career.

[Satsuma]

You have come to the right place to talk about your feelings .. I hear what you say.

You also say you wish you had the courage to persue a different career .. Well why not make a new job, a goal, to work towards. Think of how beneficial that would be to your life in all aspects. How wonderful.

[chloe40]

Hi there johndoez

So sorry you feel depressed. You seem to be acutely aware of your symptoms and even the causes and I'm wondering if you need to work through tackling them step by step.

You know you are unhappy and that's why you're drinking too much, so you've established that, so the next step is to identify why are you afraid to try another job john? Once you know this, you can tackle moving forward.

Regarding your sexual identity, do you feel that maybe if you had been gay, your life would have taken a different path or are you looking at this as an answer to why your depressed?

Lastly, there are careers where you would have accommodation included, so this may be an option but try not to overwhelm yourself, separate your worries and I hope you'll find it easier to deal with.

All the very best to you.

Chloe

[Olderal]

Hello John,at first glance that seems a lot of problems but in your thirties only the depression is a real problem and that might be quite solvable as it may well be caused by the many problems that you see.

In your position I would start saving (cut the drinking ,its not helping) with a plan to move to leave home and move to a more cosmopolitan area. Living at home with a degree you should be able to save enough to set up home in a more cosmopolitan area where being gay or bisexual is not the problem you see it being at home. Having a plan to "escape" will probably mean your current job will not seem so oppressivehateful and you could either change career or try the same job in a new area taking a chance that a similar job might turn out better next time. In the mean time see your GP if you have n't done so already for some help with the depression.

You might be shy and sensitive but you've only got one shot at this life and unless you're bold and strike out for a change you're likely to be feeling much worse and in the same position well into your forties and then well into your fifties. Go for it, all your current unhappiness will seem far less once you adopt a new definite plan to change your life. I suspect you'll regret it for ever if you don't. perhaps I'm an optimistic dreamer but I see a happily married bisexual you, in a job you enjoy, in a new area. Does n't that sound good ?

How about abroad ,might as well go the whole hog. Brits usually do pretty well in the US or Oz.The thought of it is giving me itchy feet and I'm into my seventies.

Olderal

[cecilia13]

Laughed ( please dont be offended!) at your ironical funny comment about uni , gay people and you ending up with straight crowd . Or am I mistaken ?

Dont want to be nosey but why did you return home after 30 . Why did you step a step backward , though some people eventually mange to resettle down back family home ?

Remember nothing (good or bad) lasts for ever . The sun will return in your life but you have to be patient .

Maybe we can continue sensitive discussion if you send me a private message .

Take care .

[johndoez in reply to cecilia13]

The comment wasn't supposed to be ironic, but I can see how it looks funny, infact it is kind of funny.

I went to some very liberal UK universities, and knew some gay or bisexual people to talk to, but because of my fear around my own ambiguous sexuality, I kept them at a distance.

I think a lot of this comes down to being exposed to a very homophobic family member (an uncle) from an early age, who would rant about gays (and all other minorities), unchallenged by anybody else in my family.

But the main factor is that I've lacked courage, or the ability to take a risk - being the sensitive one.

I moved back because I was finishing my studies and my scholarship had run out. (I did very well academically, but no-one in my family said they were proud of me for this - if I had been a good footballer, or a boxer, then I would of course have been lavished with praise.)

Again, I should have taken out a small bank loan and remained at university, but being from a working class background, loans are shunned as much as non-heterosexuality.

If I could go back in time, I would have chosen to lead a more independent life. I'm still fairly young, and have booked up for some therapy with a LGBT counselor.

It's time to show some courage, and to strategically not give a damn, especially about the nasty family members who have their own problems anyway.

[WhiteAlice in reply to johndoez]

John, it seems more than anything you need a change of scenery. Seeing the couselor is an excellent start. Consider this: it's great big world out there & you can live in any part of it. Step outdide of your comfort zone, in baby steps, at first. I bet you'll see the rest start to fall into place. Good luck to you!!

[cecilia13]

hi johndoez ,

sent you a private message under recipient's name "johndoez" .

Hope I got the right person and you know how to access my long message/reply