I am still having trouble with anxiety and depression. I lost my husband to cancer
almost two years ago and still have a problem managing my emotions and fears.
Has anyone out there lost a spouse and still having a bad time with all the emotions
that go with it ?
Please respond...... I need your help !
Sincerely,
Annie55406
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Hi annie sorry to hear of your sad loss ! I cant pretend to know how you feel but i will try ! Are you or have you received any counselling for you loss ! I presume youre receiving help from your doctor if you feel it is not getting better go back and tell him how you feel ! Take care and best wishes ! David
Hi Annie
I don't have any experience of this type of grief, but I do know that the black dog doesn't always let you know how long he plans on staying.
Lucy x
Hi, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Two years is a long time to suffer.
Do you have friends who you can confide in?
It's always hard losing a loved one.
I don't mind sharing that I do worry that my boyfriend has an increased risk of cancer due to an illness he has. I think as time goes on and he gets older I will start to really worry, especially if his condition keeps worsening. I don't know how I would be able to cope if I lost him that way. I don't know how I would cope seeing him suffer. His quality of life isn't amazing right now as it does sometimes restrict what he can do but I also know that things can get a LOT worse. I just want to protect him - wrap him up in bubble wrap so nothing bad can happen to him. But that's not possible in life, all I can do is do what I can for him when he needs it. And nag at him to get screenings for cancer as often as recommended by doctors.
I can't imagine how torn up you feel but my thoughts do go out to you.
Much love and support to you xxx
Hi Annie
My partner died suddenly five years ago, yes it is very hard. I suppose a lot
Depends on what support systems you have. Grief does not have an expiry date
On it.
The rawness passes or eases but everyone deals with grief in their very individual
Way.
Have you asked your Doctor for help, be cause otherwise you could find yourself
Stuck in grieving, and not Ming on with your own life.
Are you working? Do you have many friends? All these help.
Be gentle with yourself and accept that grief is normal but I guess no one stays
In the grief stage for ever. Please seek help if you need it.
Hannah
Annie,i lost my partner to terminal lung disease a year past January,he was only 45,i,like yourself am still struggling with my loss,it is coming up to his birthday soon and that is making me sadder than usual,please know that you are not alone in feeling the way you do,it is perfectly normal x
Thank you for your kind words. They have their way of helping
Annie55406
Dear ' Karted ' -
You and I are on the same Grief Schedule, as my husband passed away a year ago last December 27.
Can you tell me......... Is it getting slightly easier , having reached the one year
point since his death ? I think I am beginning to see things a bit clearer now
than I did , say eight or ten months ago.
If you want to write me again, I would welcome that !
Sincerely,
Annie55406
I haven't lost a spouse but I was very close to my father, who died as the result of several heart attacks about 14 years ago. I still miss him and there are times when the feelings still surface very strongly.
My grandmother died about 4 years ago - she was well into her 90s and declined sharply over a period of a few months, following a stroke a few years early. In the last 6 months I visited her quite regularly - most days - most of the time she was confused and suffered a little from dementia but I found it much easier to cope with her passing, mainly because I had seen how really all she wanted at that point was to not be any more but the only way for her to die was to slowly starve herself to death.
Our reactions to the death of a loved one can vary so much. My dad's death totally knocked me for 6 (Sorry, that's an English expression from cricket - a 6 happening when the batsman basically manages to hit the ball out of the ground - there's probably a baseball equivalent but I'm not aware of it). I can still remember the gut wrenching fear and actually if I sat here and typed more about it I would find myself experiencing it all over again). It took me several years to really get past that. One thing that helped me at the time was a pair of his reading spectacles which I kept at the top of the stairs. They are still there and catch sight of them occasionally and think of him. At the time he died it helped me feel that he wasn't just totally gone from my life but was still alive in my memory, and I think that is probably an important part of the healing process. I can't really think of him towards the end of his life and how he was towards the end without getting quite stressed and I think that is natural. I am now in a place where I remember him as alive, because that really is the only way I can think of him. That is very different from saying I can't accept that he is dead, because quite obviously he is gone. I imagine that if you shared a period with your husband when he was very ill that it is going to be very difficult to really leave behind remembering his illness and the pain surrounding his death and get back to all the good memories from before that time but that is probably where you should be aiming to get to. Do you have any relatives with whom you could share the memories of the good times before he was ill? If that is difficult then may be trying to write down memories of the happier times would help.
May be sharing some of the good memories on this forum would help.
that is so true with me me,i still struggle with the memories of how my partner died,he was ok one minute then an hour and a half later we were told he wasn't go to make it,we went back into him and he died 15 minutes later,he was struggling for every last breath and at one point he opened his eyes and looked at me and I will never forget the fear in his eyes,every now and again I relive this again and again in my head and this is so very hard,i like to think of him as being in a different place,happy with different people who have also passed,its the only way to get through it,i also have two books,i do things in his memory,ie a memory garden then take photos of the things I have done to put in these books,this makes me feel I am still doing things for him and does help me x
Bless you. It is a long, hard climb going through everything.......the memories and all.
Bless you. It is a long, hard climb going through everything.......the memories and all.
not a spouse as such but lost my boyfriend four years ago. I stupidly am still struggling too, even though after two years its meant to be over, I dont know what to suggest. I had psychotherapy assessments a while back., but found them too difficult to go for therapy, so they withdrew it. Some people go to bereavement counselling. I just cut frequently. Losing my job because of being in hospital for 6 months, but got a solicitor trying to get compensation for me. I hate myself for still being like this, which makes it worse sometimes, as I seem to have made things very difficult for everyone else too. Due to the fact that I have not recovered, all services have now been withdrawn from me I used to have a visit by a nurse once a week, and a support worker once a week, and occupational therapist, but cuts are being made, and since they dont seem to help they have all been withdrawn. So its very lonely. Advocates can be useful (although I lost touch with mine, im stupidly fearsome of contacting people), but they can chase things up for you like benefits, solicitors etc. Medication is not really useful as it gives you worse nightmares; but once you start it, its hard to come off, so its difficult too.
I don't know who told you that it takes 2 years to "get over" your loved ones death, but I believe that is wrong. I was told by many of professional people, to take my time, take all the time I needed. Don't be in a hurry to end your grief, but don't let your grief control you
You say" I stupidly am still struggling too," it's not stupid, it hurts and you need time to grieve. however long that maybe.
I truly appreciate your wise advice. I can tell you have " been there" too.
Sincerely,
Annie55406
Hi Annie,
It hurts like Hades when your spouse dies. I was 23 when my wife died. My wife ,me and or 16 month baby girl were in a car wreck .
I didn't know or it or feel it at the time but,I was blessed that I survived the wreck along with our 16 month old Little girl.
I wanted to die. I hated the world and everyone in it. All I could think of was why. To make a very long story short. I met a beautiful, caring, wonderful woman about 10 years after the accident. I know have 3 great kids. 2 Beautiful grands kids.
All I can ask you is to hang in there. You sound like a very nice person, the only thing I can say sometimes bad things happen to good people. One day you will find that you won't be thinking of your husband 24/7, maybe you will find a hobby or group activity, maybe even a special friend to share your life. I took solace in knowing has a God has a plan, I am not sure if this accident was part of his plan or not,but it ended up including this terrible cross to bear. overcome and have a happy life.
I hope this help. better days are ahead.
Still trying to be brave 2014
Depression is still (stalking me)
Idk if this is healthy or not
Death.
