Does anybody feel as though they deserve to feel depressed?like depression is a part of them?or is that just me?

[pinkfluff30]

[gardengnome]

sometimes I feel I "deserve" a crappy life and it ends up being a self-fullfilling prophesy . It's only after I get out of that run of depression that I recognize that that is the worst part of me trying to drag me down. It certainly can take on a whole life of its' own. No one deserves depression.

Is it part of you? Everyone has the potential for some depression but then again everyone has the potential for happiness and all that corny stuff. I know it's a clique but (like exams at school) some lucky buggers just don't have to work at it .

[pinkfluff30 in reply to gardengnome]

I feel like its a big blak shadow that follows me around,n wen its not following me its just waiting to lunge out in to my life again.i feel guilty aftr a nyte out,even though i dont get drunk n i always make sure my kids r well n lookd aftr.thanx for ur words

[gardengnome in reply to pinkfluff30]

like your shadow in the bad times I have thoughts that just seem to thunder through my head about myself or other people, at the time all I can do is shout back inside my head that it's not true.

It's only in the inbetween times that I can do anything about stopping the next bout from being so horrible, just trying to put in place practical stuff, like using the energy I have then to keep my house a little neater just so I don't find myself stumbling over the stuff on the floor and don't end up telling my self I live in a shit hole.

Keep doing the practical things that you already do like making sure the kids are looked after and not getting drunk etc. find any practical stuff that you can, so that the shadow has the least self accusations it can drape itself over. Lucky are those people who only "worry" about the likes of world peace and global warming!

[Gambit62]

I don't know that I feel I deserve to be depressed, but I do think it is part of me. Being depressed doesn't mean that there aren't things that make me happy or that I enjoy doing - it's just that when I put them in the scale against how difficult life feels not being alive still seems like a saner option, if only it were a real option. Guess that makes me insane

[HectorsHouse]

Hi Pinkfluff,

Sometimes I feel guilty for things I shouldn't feel guilty at.

During counselling I learnt that I feel I should be *always* doing some sort of work - at the time it was uni work - and if I don't I feel guilty and useless. I still have that feeling: I feel I should ALWAYS be job searching every minute I'm on a laptop. The thing is, that means I can't enjoy any time that's not doing something else. For me that's playing games, reading forums like this one, or watching TV - for you it sounds like a good night out.

This guilt also brings what you're describing: the feeling that I deserve my depression, because I'm "useless" (which is how I often describe myself).

I'm slowly learning that there is nothing inherently wrong about doing those things - so i'm working on building them into my routine. (by using games as a break from work, for example).

I think that my depression is part of me - but only PART of me.

[pinkfluff30]

Thanks for ur words everyone.i seem to hav developed a bit of ocd where i must use at least three diffrent shower gels in showr each tyme.but i know that ocd came be developd through stress.i have startd self harming,now on my leg so no body can c it.it makes me feel slightly relieved aftrwards and i can then c things clearer.there r so many thots in my mind.i have stoppd eating for bout past few months,i limit myself to no more than 500 calories a day.which can b a real problem if my husband wants to go for lunch. I do c myself as fat and wide,even tho i am a size 12. My husband works all day most days so i have plenty of tyme to hav had a pretend meal.sometimes i feel like i am two totally diffrnt people.

[Hidden]

Hi, I think most people who are depressed move between feeling - why me? - and feeling - it's my fault I'm like this, I must have done something... etc. It does feel like two people sometimes, but it sounds also as though you have something more involved going on in terms of not eating properly and restricting your calorie intake so severely without it being part of a balanced diet plan. You also say you have started self-harming and that makes it clear that you are in need of help. Cutting helps give an explanation for the emotional pain you are feeling, if your body hurts then feeling hurt makes more sense. However it is an unproductive way of coping in that it doesn't actually help, it simply eases the pain for a little while until next time, rather like a drink or drugs. Do see your GP and tell him about the self-harming, also your other symptoms. He can arrange for a referral to the local CMHT and they can assess what support and other services will best help you. It is unlikely that you will stop self-harming on your own without support as it tends to be an addictive behaviour which leads to further despair. Do seek help before the self-harm becomes an entrenched pattern as you do not deserve to hurt so much on your own. Suexxx

[brilliant]

I feel like i have been cursed for some reason. It seems like no matter wht i do or how hard i try to move forward something always knocks be back down and my depression has been the worst it has ever been i am so exhausted everyday i cry i have suicidal thoughts and sometimes taking the life of others my kids are suffering because of it also i feel that my so is now depressed and sees no purpose in life what do i do i have no money for for a docter i am stuck