I had Meningitis & Septicemia in 2008. I was hospitalized for 10 weeks and had 4 months off work. To look at I am "normal" although I suffer with poor balance, significant hearing loss, arthritis and awful depression. I know people have said that sometimes they wish their after effects were more visible so people had some sort of understanding of their life. It's seems an awful thing to say because it must be horrendous to lose a limb or limbs but I feel like that so often. People look at me and think I'm normal but the mental and physical pain never goes away. I don't even moan any more because I can see people don't understand. Why should they? I am tired of saying " I can't do that" and sick of having to think about M whenever I plan to do something. I'm so sick of it that I don't do anything anymore apart from work! I don't see my friends much, I lie to them and pretend I'm busy to get out of doing stuff. The thought of meeting a new partner is inconceivable. I really do feel like " damaged goods". I am desperate to get my like back on track but don't know where to begin. I'm afraid to take the plunge. I feel everyone is looking at me and judging me. If this was one of my friends talking I would be able to point out all the positive stuff, achievements and abilities but I can't do that with myself.
Does it ever really go away?
I would love to hear other people's recovery stories. I'm hoping it might be the kick up the ass I need to get my life back on track!!!!!