I hope you're well. I’m reaching out to you for some advice, as I’m feeling unsure where else to turn.
My daughter is 9 years old and undiagnosed autistic, though we are confident she is. She experiences extreme anxiety around school, and even stepping onto the playground is a traumatic experience for her. She also has several learning difficulties, and although she has an EHCP in place, it hasn’t been very effective. Despite having a lot of support in school, Skyla struggles significantly, especially when she transitions from a small, quiet thrive group in the morning, where she receives individualized support, to the much larger classroom in the afternoons.
The noise, busyness, and the adapted work being too difficult for her all contribute to her overwhelming stress. After an hour with her 1-1, she is left on her own in the classroom and finds it very hard to concentrate. She says her mind goes blank and the anxiety she feels just thinking about going back into the classroom is consuming her. Mornings are a constant struggle, with her becoming physically ill from anxiety, shaking, and crying hysterically, and I am heartbroken seeing her so distressed. Once at school, she spends much of the day upset, and although she tries to hold back the tears, she can’t stop them. She then feels embarrassed by the attention she draws from other students.
By the end of the school day, she is completely burnt out and spends the evening resting in bed to recover from the emotional and physical toll of the day. However, she remains anxious and unable to sleep, often suffering from night terrors. Every day feels like a repeat of this cycle.
I have spoken to the school SENCO about these issues, but they insist I must continue sending her in, even though she’s in such distress. I’ve asked if they can reduce her hours to help alleviate the stress, but they say this isn’t the right approach and are focused on addressing the reasons for her anxiety. They have referred her to CAMHS and Mind for counseling, but I’m worried this might cause her more stress, as she is shy and anxious about new people and situations. We also have an appointment with an educational psychologist next month to explore further ways to support her.
At this point, I’m deeply concerned about the toll this is taking on her mental health. She is constantly tired, anxious, and seems withdrawn. The contrast between school and the school holidays is striking—during the holidays, she is much happier, more relaxed, and enjoys spending time with friends. But as the school term approaches, the anxiety begins to escalate, affecting her eating and sleeping habits. It’s becoming more and more difficult for both her and us as parents to cope with the situation.
I’m struggling with knowing what the right course of action is. Should we continue to push through and send her to school, even though the process is so distressing for her? Or do we keep her off and face potential fines? We want to do what’s best for her, but nothing seems to be improving.
I would be grateful for any advice, insights, or suggestions on how we can better support her through this difficult time.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I look forward to your guidance
Adult daughter
Growing Blended family with autistic child who doesn’t like children..
Guilt 
Immigrant mom in desperate need of advice re: where to start ?! 
severely autistic person in pain
