How do you deal knowing your child/young person will always be vulnerable?

[FirstCoffee]

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and ASD only two years ago. School was a struggle and it was only once she left that we realised how different she was and how much help she would need on a daily basis.

Now doing a part time course we are thrilled but with the summer holidays coming up I’m worried she’s going to be back in her room. I’d love her to get a part time job but she doesn’t like anything that involves mixing with people due to her anxiety.

How do you cope and what does your young person do for work? Advice welcome, thanks

WorriedMum

[Jofisher]

Hi there some organisations that maybe able to help Carers association your local social services they look after those with a L.D. Autistic society Mencap helpline. Also try finding your daughter an advocate if she lacks capacity as they could really help both of you. Job centres are meant to have an advisor for those who have disabilities to help them or there are charities out there who support those with disabilities in finding work etc etc and speak to your information help point at the council to see what services they have for those with a learning disability. Also your community voluntary services they will have a number of contacts and information they can give you. I do hope that helps but feel free to ask any questions. I’m a deputy for my son he has severe disabilities and lacks mental capacity you can apply for these on the government website form are not the easiest but they’re doable. If your daughter has enough money you could pay for an independent consultant social worker as mine was worth her weight in gold. Good luck with everything I feel your pain.

[Rupertthebear in reply to Jofisher]

Hi Jofisher,Does your son do any work ? If so what type?

[Jofisher in reply to Rupertthebear]

Hello Rupert my son is in a nursing care home he’s 29 non verbal and has severe learning disabilities and severe epilepsy so he isn’t able to work. For your boys if your thinking in time work is a possibility then there are organisations out there that can help and support you with this. The job centre have a disability worker and theres also volunteering opportunities your social worker should help and advise you with this or try your local mencap and your local council and the community voluntary services and they will know other organisations that could help you. Good luck.

[sl20]

Hi Firstcoffee jofisher gave some really good advice. Does your daughter get a direct payment from social services to help support her needs? My son had a small budget when he lived at home and we used it to pay for supported work. He packed fruit and nuts etc in a food factory and also went to a farm one day per week. He loves going to work. If she doesn’t get a direct payment this is something the carers centre might be able to advise you on. If your daughter is not eligible for one she should still get help through the job centre. Charities dealing with learning disability and autism also have a lot of knowledge of what is available in your area. I also feel for you as I think the step into the adult world is very difficult. Good luck

[Clouds12]

Hi FirstCoffee it is such a worry. There is a lot of help out there, it’s finding the right help for your daughters needs. My son was lucky he found his own job litter picking working on his own as he struggles to work with people. He gets free gym ( personal health budget) which gets him out and he recently found a girlfriend on a disabled dating site. He’s 34 now and has moderate learning disability and living with us ( mum and dad) but his life has and will always be a struggle. He’s lucky he’s got a younger sister who will hopefully look out for him when we’re not around anymore, but what I would say is whatever your daughters needs are look for the help and support, it will be out there, whether it’s for financial, social or work. Hope this helps a bit.

[jazzy15]

Hi,My youngest daughter leaves school this year, though diagnosed ASD at the age of 3yrs old, her time has been complex at school & her new psychiatrist looked at her history & feels she may be ADHD too, so an assessment is underway.

The last 2yrs has really shown us that she will always be vulnerable, need a lot of support never being fully independent, so I can understand a little of how you are feeling.

I don't have answers to practicalities as I still need to find out what it's going to look like, once we are finally fully finished with school.

What's already been said is spot on, make sure to contact, join & engage with any local charities, support groups, etc that you can find & look up carers support, they can sign post you.

[FirstCoffee]

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I’m going through such a rough time at work too and I just can’t cope with it all. DD has nearly completed her college work with 3 weeks to go…but I know she will be in the house all the time practically after this. I look at other girls her age and it kills me to see her struggling. The adult world is so different for her but I will have to keep on going…

[Bay55]

Hi, I too worry constantly about my son who is now 28, he has moderate learning difficulties and struggles socially in large groups. He has been through school, college and supported internship programmes and is currently doing voluntary work. He too spends a lot of time at home and although he does qualify for help with independent living, he doesn’t yet feel he can cope with that. We have managed to get ESA and P.I.P for him now which takes the financial pressure off to a degree but we just want him to happy and busy. He is currently seeing a supported employment specialist but that too seems to be difficult as he becomes anxious with every possible opportunity put to him about how he will cope. Voluntary work is good as it gets him out of the house and mixing with people, but it has to be the right place where their colleagues understand their limitations. There is help out there and although it seems like you’re not getting anywhere…. keep going, something will click for her . Good luck and remember you’re not alone with this. Reading these posts always reminds me that there are so many other worried mums and dads.

[Rupertthebear]

I think it’s always a worry when it comes to how your young adult will cope in community life. Some of us are blessed in different ways . I worked in a care home for physically and mentally disabled and Down’s syndrome teenagers and older people . I think British society shuns disabled people . When I was at primary I know my cousin always used to use bad words about disabled people it was quite common to use language such as “ spastic “ in school if you didn’t do things right . Make bad jokes about three wheeler vehicles etc . Society has come along way but I still think neurotypicals need to be more involved in helping socialising and communicating with

Autistic and learning disability young adults and children . All school children should be taught in the curriculum about Autism and living with autism , understanding autistic children and adults with learning disabilities . They are still not a part of the main community and many here talk about social isolation and loneliness . Applying for work experience or jobs is very difficult for them so again they come up with more challenges and disadvantages . So I am afraid the future as it is is bleak for people with learning disabilities . Too many are directed along forestry and farm jobs .

[Buffy106]

My daughter is vulnerable. She is in supported but was receiving requests from young men (also with disabilities) for photos/videos of a sexual nature so had to remove her phone. SS didn't do anything police said no crime committed as both adults. She doesn't u derstabd seriousness of it. Very worrying as she is classed as adult but mentally not.

[Danlikessteamengines in reply to Buffy106]

Have autism my self it's a pain to find the right girl for me as am in to railways not all people like that been like this for years n only come realise am I ever gonna meet the right girl here if Any one wants to talk