Adult daughter

[KazzyMc]

Hi Guys, sorry new to all this so bear with me! I was wondering if anyone can help please or has had something simular happen.My daughter is 22 years old and has autism, we stopped getting dla when she turned 17 and we were refused there after even on appeal. She can not find a full time job so has decided to go to uni where she dosent seem to be doing as well as I thought, she has no friends, financially she has no clue about money and will sit in her digs on her own. She has come back home where she has not got dressed, washed , or left the house. She refuses to apply for PIP and as a single working mum keeping another adult in the house is hard especially with no support since she turned 17! I have helped with PIP forms but now she refuses to sign it. Trying to tell her it may help her is falling on deaf ears. I'm not sure what else I can do. Any help, info, or advice would be gratefully recieved. Thanks . A very tired and tearful mum x x

[Annabellelily Community friend]

Hi there, welcome to the forum. I’m so sorry to hear this, it must be incredibly stressful, as all you want is the best for your children. You’re doing a brilliant job.

There will be options and I’m sure will be a solution to make both your lives easier, for instance I wonder if there would be university options for her where she could live at home, so she can keep some independence and a student loan, with you being able to keep a close eye on her. But of course, your situation I’m sure is more complicated than one post, so that may not be an option. I would continue to ask her why she doesn't want to sign for PIP and see if you can address any concerns she may have.

But overall, I don’t have any personal experience or direct advice to give to you, specifically about getting more help in adult services, I’m sure others will though, so for now I would recommend reaching out to Mencap’s Learning Disability Helpline at 0808 808 1111 or email [e-mail] as they will be able to give you some guidance on the paths you can go down. Wishing you and your daughter the best 

[KazzyMc in reply to Annabellelily]

Thank you for your lovely reply. Yes more then the post states which includes her spinning (she uses this as her coping mechanism) hoarding, insomnia, concept of time, she dosent like windows or blinds open, only eating certain foods and also certain brands of food, anxiety, clothes touching her... my list sometimes just seems endless. It's not until I write it down like this that I realise how much she dislikes. It's bizarre, i don't know why she won't let me help her...

Thank you for the info I will send them an e mail tomorrow, I was her appointee on her DLA and would of been for PIP so hopefully I will get some where finally. Thank you again. K x x

[Mybestfriends]

Go to Gp for Registration as her Carer, ask for Daughter to be Assessed, Adult Social Care can do Assessments also, Amht etc You can call PIP Explain you need to get a Claim in for her somehow. Gp ask for AMHT Assessment, she can't manage her Finances, not wanting to get up, wash etc, needs OT, Care Coordinator Needed from them too.

[KazzyMc in reply to Mybestfriends]

Thank you x x

[skydivesurvivor]

She should have a social worker at least, they will help with finances. Try citizens advice too

[KazzyMc in reply to skydivesurvivor]

Thank you x x

[Steve__]

Sorry to hear about that. I had similar with a relative.

It's not a magic bullet, but the PDA association offer good training which helped me "persuade" successfully...

With them thinking it's their idea, which is of course an important part of things.

Helps to understand the bigger picture too, esp understanding and avoiding meltdowns, which I think they'd renamed (!)

Not for everyone, but very glad I'd encountered it when I did.

Good luck, Steve

[Rupertthebear in reply to Steve__]

Sorry Steve what does PDA stand for ?

[Steve__ in reply to Rupertthebear]

Here's the best link ...

pdasociety.org.uk/

All the best, Steve

[KazzyMc in reply to Rupertthebear]

Thank you x x

[KazzyMc in reply to Steve__]

Thank you Steve x x

[Rupertthebear]

If you are her carer , you become her appointee and do t need her to sign anything .

[KazzyMc in reply to Rupertthebear]

Thank you x x

[49Twister in reply to Rupertthebear]

I think you still have to apply to the DWP to be her appointee, it's not automatic.

[KazzyMc]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply its much appreciated. I will explore all options.

[49Twister in reply to KazzyMc]

You need to ring the DWP to become her appointee.

[KazzyMc in reply to 49Twister]

Thank you x I will do that x

[LearningLot]

How did she get on academically at university?