I have a difficult situation I was in an abusive relationship for about a year and the harassment and intimidation has carried on for over 10 years.
My son has been diagnosed with autism and is awaiting ADHD assessment though the school, GP, Single Point of advice, peadtrician all made it extremely difficult to get a referral to the CHAMHS clinic as I believe they did not want to recognise it and or treat it because of either complexities with my sons health or deterring applying for ECHP.
Due to the lack of support and abuse from Ex partner I have developed PTSD and the care in need plan was not being carried out as me and peadiatrics agreed to escalate the process due to my anxiety and difficulty with my sons behaviour (not to mention how unfair it is on him) now my ex partner is trying to take custody of my son saying I am an unfit mother because I have lost my tether and shouted at my son in school and because on several occasions I had to push for tests which discovered my son is anemic and that he had a raised TSH ( I am hypothyroid) I have been since my early twenties and also had anemia as a child. None of the professionals took me seriously even when I said my son getting continuously dizzy pale and out of breath. He now has intermittent chest pains but they deny any thyoid problem as each tests were not done under the right conditions only one TSH was raised though I have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism years ago. There are also heart problems in my family.
So because I have argued my concerns with health professionals and the PTSD and slow unsupported/untreated health problems of me and my son they are putting me forward for a child protection plan even though I was not given any early help or any strategies given on the child in need plan.
This seems incredibly unfair to me and has anyone else experienced this?
Many thanks
Written by
Stace268
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Hi really feeling for you on all this. Firstly if Abuse & Harrassed by Ex is still going on & this brought on Anxiety, Ptsd etc. If you've Reported him, then keep All Proof, just incase he does go for Custody, although they do try & keep Children with Mother, as long as not unfit. Restraining Order you could probably get one on Him, so he's not allowed within 100 yards of you etc. Anyway Gp, Social Worker not sounding very Supportive, have you tried an Advocacy Service, they can Speak to all For You. I've not done this, but they can talk the language, big words & understand all these Services, letters etc. Ours is Dorset Advocacy. Citizens Advice are Great to talk to. It's not fare that you have been asking for help, they haven't really & then feeling Blamed by Child protection Order possibly. You must feel overwhelmed, I would. Ok So you Really Need to put all this in Writing down in your Diary, for further Recall, to anyone needing to help you. Then take yourself to or Call C.A.B. Gp's supposed to help & you Need these Referals. CAMHS should organise SEND or SENDCO, ECHP to Support your Son. Letters of Complaints, they Have to take Seriously, the facts are that You Have asked for Help, they have been told about all this being in the family, ADHD,Aneamia Hyperthyroidism etc etc. They have a DUTY OF CARE to You & your Son & Both His & Your NEEDS are NOT being MET. You want yourself & Son Supported by CAMHS & Son School to get SEND in for his Education Support. If you need to Contact Local MP, but clearly state your the one asking & not receiving much or any at all & now possible Child Protection.
It seems to me that you’re at the sharp end of serious failings in NHS provision as well as failings in social services’ support. I’d recommend two possible courses of action. First get an advocate who understands and is willing to help you by looking carefully at your situation and helping to gather evidence to support your narrative. Approach the Elfrida Society, who have a support service for parents who themselves are neurodivergent. You may yourself be neurodivergent and eligible for support from them. Other possible advocates are Mencap (who may or may not have someone available who has the skill set), POHWER who are the body contracted to advocate for Barnet parents, but I haven’t had dealing with them personally so can’t speak for their skill, or possibly a private freelance social worker who understands the system. You might also try solacewomensaid.org who have a freephone number on their web site: they have probably got an advisor who has seen all of this before.
Second, escalate. Ask to speak with the line manager of the social worker who is dealing with your family. Explain that they have a duty of care towards your son and that they need to ensure that his medical needs are met and that respite care is in place. Explain that your son’s dad has a history of abusive behaviour and that he’s capable of misleading social workers: that he is not capable of acting in your son’s best interest because over ten years he’s demonstrated that his deep and strong primary motivation is to control you by taking control of your son if he can. Coercive control is now a crime, and it extends to ex-partners as well as partners. If you feel that person isn’t hearing you, escalate to speak with their line manager, and keep going up the chain. Eventually you should encounter someone who understands what happens when an abusive ex-partner is attempting to seek revenge via a child.
We were also under threat of having our son put under a child protection plan, because my choices as a parent were seen to be damaging to my son. It ratchets up any anxiety that one already feels as a parent. We also had that happening simultaneously to having our respite budget removed on the grounds that our son wasn’t sufficiently disabled. I did not realise that I am autistic too and that this was affecting both my judgement and the way I communicated with social workers. I didn’t realise that the Elfrida Society was offering a service that could have helped my family.
In my experience, many social workers are afraid of getting into trouble for failing to escalate concerns around child safety, and they underestimate the damage that this does to the parent’s mental health. Of course, the most important character here should be the child, and the clunky nature of this process, the difficulty in getting to the truth, isn’t helping them. I have also heard, in other cases and places, of an abusive parent attempting to weaponise social services against their ex-partner by attempting to take away their child. Again, however painful this is to us, it’s the child who’s getting hurt most.
We are just a Number to all these Services, that are not much help, Support. Then they blame Parent. Keep yourself & your Son as Healthy & Fit as possible, Keep strong your doing the best you can, with the Emotional Capacity we have. The words Duty Of Care, are that all these Services, Gp, CAMHS, ask for Assessment from Social Care Worker too., you need a Care Coordinator too. All have a Duty of Care to you & your Son, they Have to by rules act in both your Health & Wellbeing, Care. So talk again to Gp & CAB. Or Mp if your not getting anywhere with Services.
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