Nervous about moving out and potentially back with parents.

[DeltaFan2190]

I've been feeling a bit stressed out recently, due to things finally starting to reach a conclusion. You see, for a few years of my life, I've been semi-independent, living with a grandparent and helping to look after him, then looking after his home once we entered a care home until his recent passing away at the end of last year. But now, things are starting to happen, including the fact that the place where he lived is being sold.

My parents would like it if I'd move back in with them when they move to a new home with their half of the inheritance and such, but while I know there are pros to doing so, there are also one or two things which, now that I'm getting closer to when I'd have to move out, I realise are dealbreakers to me. The main one is that if I do move back in with them, my online time would be limited, and potentially even removed if I 'mess around too much' or something along those lines - this is something I don't think I'd be able to cope with, not after however many years it has been since I moved in with grandad to help to take care of him and live semi-independently. The stuff I do online, be it gaming or roleplaying with my online friends, I feel helps me cope with my life, even if as a result I may forget to clean up any mess I make right away.

This leads to the second idea I had been considering - finding a new place to live for just myself. However, this too has problems, partly as while I may indeed benefit from the will somewhat, the money meant for me is intended to be put into a trust fund. Plus, having my own place, rented or otherwise, means having to pay bills which, while I do get PIP (Personal Independence Payment) and the like, I'm unsure if it'll be enough to cover all of my essential expenses (power, water, gas, internet and food) and leave me enough to get some things I enjoy getting, like certain subscriptions I have. And of course, I have been known to make a mess of where I live - it happened during the three years I spent at University before dropping out, it happened with the room I was in when I was staying with my parents before I moved over to care for my grandad, and even though I am trying to keep the place clean ready for the move, there is still somewhat of a mess where I tend to be staying during the daytime. Plus, it's likely that living by myself will lead to me keeping on with some bad habits I have, where I mainly just sit down and eat a diet that might not be that healthy.

So, would it be better if I moved into a place with others? I honestly don't know, because I have no idea if they'd be able to cope with my own quirks due to my atypical autism, as I like to call it. That, and I'm kinda shy IRL, especially with people I do not know well. I may be comfy talking to taxi drivers, shopkeepers and the like, but not with others, and I do sometimes misinterpret what someone means (even when online as well) so that may be an issue as well.

I honestly do not know what to do right now, but I need to figure out what and fast due to the fact that each day that passes is one less day until I have to move out. And I worry that if I don't figure out the best way to sort it out, the choice may end up being out of my hands and may end up being bad for me... Even though so far, all the options seem to have bad points which could be dealbreakers.

[1946timmy]

I would suggest you get advice from social services, Autistic Society, Mencap . It maybe you can have your own place with support, it sounds like you’re capable on some levels on your own, but maybe support with meals, eating better, and help to keep your place tidy.Good luck

[DeltaFan2190 in reply to 1946timmy]

Yeah, that's the kind of thing which I would like personally. Of course, bills are still somewhat of an issue, but that is something which I'm hoping could be sorted out.

[outdoorsy1]

if you haven't already, you should probably talk to your parents. It's a big deal to lose your independence. Is it possible they could look at somewhere with an annex for you - like a granny flat ( only I guess it would be a son flat!). Do talk to social services, maybe citizens advice about what benefits and help you could receive. Officially, everyone has the right to live independently, so SS ought to help you achieve that. good luck.

[DeltaFan2190 in reply to outdoorsy1]

We had looked into those, but they were either too expensive or other things made them a non-option for us.

[49Twister]

Don’t feel under pressure to make a decision in a hurry at least you know your parents are happy to have you. How old are you?you do seem relatively very independent and social services are very stretched lately. You could ring social services and request an assessment to see if you qualify for support but depending on where you live may take a while. Have you sat down with your parents and discussed anything. Maybe make a checklist of income and outgoings. Possibly live near them rather than with them so they can help out with some things. Get a cleaner for a couple of hours every couple of weeks. Just a few suggestions on the basis of keeping your independence.

[DeltaFan2190 in reply to 49Twister]

Well, the only pressure is time - as in when it's time to move out and such, possibly not enough time to get a new assessment... At least with budgeting, I'm good with that most of the time.

[flaounes4T]

Hi deltaFan and readers------This note highlights a problem which I feel is seriously by passed . My 51yr old son, been with me all his life. ' Unspecified Learning Difficulties' so in MLD schools. No mates ; Ridiculed often; Called Stupid etc. Dyslexic too so bad with numbers. Needs to work, but jobs/assistance/ support-----Not available! I sympathise with anyone in this position. Autism support , sounds good but hard to accsess. Care Act 2014, no good if you can Dress/ Make drink/ Drive/ Use tools/ etc I understand the Little things[ easy food/ untidyroom/ quietness/ [I get ' Simpsons' a lot!!!] but it's hard for the person who struggles alone. No one seems to really care, DeltaFan ----try to stay positive--- Good Luck

[Eeviee]

Hi. Definitely look at supported living. If the money left in a trust fund is enough to buy a property then it’s possible for Golden Lane (mencaps supported living arm ) to support you in that. As the property does not belong to you there would be no question of social care being able to get their hands on your inheritance as long as the trust was set up properly. Golden Lane then can claim housing benefit which is paid to the trust snd done if that money could help with your bills. It’s a bit involved but doesn’t to Mencap about it. Don’t give up your independence ! You will need it and all the skills that you will acquire on the way when your parents are no longer around so continue living apart from them but near them if you can. No person learns the skills they need to live alone until they live independently so be brave. Good luck !

[DeltaFan2190 in reply to Eeviee]

I don't think it would be enough, as I think it's only going to be about 50k if that. And the places around where my parents are moving to... I only have seen places that have a few bedrooms, but they're around 250k or more to buy them outright.

[cautiouscandy]

Hello,

I hope I can help you by adding to all the advice you have already been given in replies. I came across a Supported Living Service called, Dimensions, they have a website which you might like to look at and perhaps your parents might want to also if they would like to assist you in meeting your aims. Dimensions may have information that is useful and helpful to you and perhaps they might be able to provide/assist you with what you want and need in the way of independent living with some specific support, should that be good for you. Dimensions may not be the only organisation of this type. I see someone in an earlier reply to you mentioned Golden Lane Housing as a source of a possible housing option. There is a charitable organisation called Housing Options but I think the name has changed. That charitable organisation are about giving advice on housing options and all that such living entails for people with special needs. I hope they are still in existence as they were a very good source of advice when I contacted them a few years ago now. I remember that they are based in Oxfordshire, I think in Witney. You don't have to live there to get advice from them.

You have explained your wants and needs so well would you be willing to show that to your parents and maybe they could see if they would be understanding about the way you want and need to live your life so that they may be very tolerant of that if you did end up living with them. I think the way you want and need to live your life is what is right for you and that could be different to a lot of other people but its not wrong, it's different and I hope you manage to acheive living the life you want.

Another thought is, an organisation called Homeshare in which you rent a room in a house and share use of a kitchen and bathroom with others renting a room for themselves in the same house. There is no need to interact with others there. This means less responsibility for you than a whole house and is cheaper but then you might get housing benefit to pay your rental cost. Searching Homeshare on the internet may be something you would like to do if you want more information.

I wish you very good luck and I hope the amount of information I've said isn't confusing or too much to take in.

[DeltaFan2190 in reply to cautiouscandy]

I did have a look in with what Homeshare is, but it seemed like the ones I could find, what they were looking for isn't exactly what I'd be after. Or, at the very least, the 'sharer' option, which would be what I'd be after, may not be for people like myself.

[DeltaFan2190]

It's been a while since I last posted, so I thought I'd share an update on how things are going.

A couple of months ago, an offer was put on the house which was accepted, but after a while, it ended up falling through, which delayed the potential move. Now, recently a second offer was accepted, and in theory after a few bits shortly, the sale should go through, but I'm having third thoughts about things. I mean, true, I've signed paperwork saying that yes, if the sale does happen, then I'll move out once a date is agreed upon, but I'm going to admit that the delays and such have caused me to consider if moving back in with my parents would be the right thing to do. And to part of me... It just doesn't feel right.

I think the fact that I've been living by myself for far longer than the times I spent at Uni, plus the fact that I'm starting to get my cleaning act mostly together, is one reason I'm reconsidering things. Of course, there's still the whole financial situation side of things that would be something to keep in mind. And the fact that my birthday's coming up soon - and originally I thought I would be out by then - is yet another thing which has possibly affected things as well.