In a dilemma

[Hartley7]

Im in need of some help.

I have an 18 year old lad, who also is an adopted child too. It has got to a point at home now where its unbearable having him here. He's violent, rude, confrontational. He attends a special school at present but is going to college in September.

The issue is i really need him to move out. His behavior is killing me, his stepdad and his 21 year old brother. How can i do this?

[lqrt43]

Hello Hartley7.

I know how hard it is to try to keep everyone safe and how long every day can be (your son’s needs sound like my younger son’s, before he went to college).

It is wonderful that your son has a place for September - but I understand how long away that is, with the summer all ahead of you and your family.

If you feel as you say, I think – for everyone – you need to seek some extra support urgently. Who do you have that you trust and knows your son – a GP, social worker, CAMHS mental health help for your son's behaviour? I know that it can be very hard for them to find resources urgently, but do they know how you feel? We have had such understanding and kindness – and you also need practical support soon.

If they are aware and it isn’t helping, have you tried calling the Mencap phone line (0808 808 1111) or the Challenging Behaviour helpline (0300 666 0126) (both are weekdays only, though, I think)?

Caring for your son is isolating and frightening – I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you if you no longer feel you can do it. I hope you all get the help you need soon.

[chopinfan]

Hi Hartley7

I know what it is like when one family member is destroying the lives of the others, however unintended it is, and however much you all love each other.

Your son is now an adult for social care purposes and is entitled to a care needs assessment in his own right under the Care Act 2014 to see if he is eligible for social care funding.

You are entitled to a carer's assessment of your needs too. Ask the social care department of your local authority to carry out these assessments. If he qualifies they must consult you and your son and come up with a plan of his needs and how they will meet them. This includes independent housing and if necessary care support for him.