hi I’m new to this forum. I’ve been dealing with schizoaffective disorder and bipolar one. I either fuck up big time with bipolar one by shopping too much to the tune of $20,000 in debt. It really hurt my family, because my oldest daughter handles my finances, which is Social Security disability for which she is the representative pay. I didn’t tell her about the credit cards I used so she freaked out. I got an HCA license and started working part time to cover my minimum payments so that they don’t come out of Social Security. I can only work so much, which is well within the limits of Social Security I can’t handle more than 8 to 12 hours per week. The stress leads me into psychosis and depression. Sometimes I get depression so bad I can’t get out of bed for a week and that affects my work. Or I get psychosis and that affects my work. My family that I have been working for has been very understanding of to appoint, but I think they are sick of it. I missed work on Monday, got a doctors note to cover it. (I always get a doctors note to cover it to save my butt). I also want them to know that I’m out for legitimate reasons not just calling out to go to the coffee stand . It’s really hard to function and have psychosis and hearing voices and feeling things crawling on me like mice and hearing voices telling me they’re going to kill me or kill myself things like that. The voices are nothing good they are usually demons or Satan I’m talking to me telling me that he’ll see me real soon . I really don’t like that. I just keep saying the Lords prayer and praying but he laughs at me. Are the voices our own thoughts? I can’t figure out where the voices come from. I’ll be thinking something else or I’ll be sleeping and the voices are in there chattering while I’m sleeping and it wakes me up , it’s horrible and it’s frightening. I want so badly to go to the hospital when it happens but my doctor told me that the hospital can’t do any more for me than the medications I’m already on.
that doesn’t give me very much confidence for the future. I hope they come up with new medication’s because after a while the ones are on stop working I’ve been told. So if that happens, there’s no more I can date. I’m on my best ones. I get a shot of in Vegas once a month and I take risperidone from week three to week four because that’s when the shot wears off for me anyways. It’s supposed to last four weeks.
Anybody with similar experiences, willing to share their copy mechanisms when the voices are so bad? I can see how schizophrenic patients commit suicide if they don’t get treatment. It’s really mind-boggling how far it will take your mind into a dark place.
