Black Friday deals, Cyber Monday..... clocks counting down, emails Hurry, Going Fast..... blend that pushing , fear mongering, Yes, I get right in there shop everything compare prices.... It feeds my need to imagine my life happier me being beautiful, young, having friends....love.
Reality kicks in and I empty my carts. Only household things remain bedding, a couch I've been looking at for over a year and a half, a lava lamp that I bought and it is helping my anxiety, winter boots- mine leak.... see how I justify. AUUUGH!
I can't sleep
I will never have the life I want or be the person I want to be. I just keep trying to make my house nice 1:30 AM and I was on my kitchen floor cleaning the floor and installing some trim. I can't stop. I feel the edge of the darkness pulling me into the hole of depression. I don't want to go there again.