Funny how things change. You think you know how things are going to be and put yourselves in a place where you accept it and then it all changes - suddenly.
When I was in hospital the last week it was for chest pains and I thought nothing of it. Would be another 5 days in hospital with the standard answer - Dr's can not explain what is happening and that it is all to do with the lupus some how.
Well this time they did one thing - they picked up that my potassium was level was low so they treated it. This seems very small but has changed everything!
For more than two years I have been wheelchair bound with my legs becoming more and more useless. My family and I have prepared ourselves for the time when I would be fully paralysed. Dr's have not been able to work out what is going on - only putting in place things to help me round the house.
Yesterday I realised my legs felt different - they were feeling normal. Putting things together having a knowledge of the effect of potassium on the body I went to the shop and spent £6.83 on some potassium supplements and did a little experiment.
As amazing as this is my legs don't just feel normal they are working. I am actually walking about!!! I can not explain how this all feels. To be stood up open the fridge and wonder what on earth is that on the top shelf!! To pick the kids up from school and see their faces when they saw me walk over to them. They couldn't speak for a while - neither could I.
My whole life has been turned around. I am waiting for GP, lupus unit, etc to get back to me to see how we can maintain this. At present I do not know how long this will last, what the future holds - I am blown away and trepedatious at the same time. I am revelling in every step, am looking forward to getting my legs stronger, getting back to a more normal life. I am thrown also by what to do with an ethical issue. We have wheelchair access tickets to a show next week. All sorted when i was fully wheelchair bound with no expectation off hope of this ever happening. But now we have these tickets and I can walk. As daft as this seems this is causing my issue because I now feel fraudulent having them and don't know what to do. I really want to take the kids to the Torch celebration in town, there are no more tickets, but I would never misrepresent my mobility. Isn't the human mind a strange thing. I should be extatic and just loving every moment of this and instead I have come up with a dichotomy that takes the shine off of things.
What ever happens though - I am going to cherish every bit of this. I hope it lasts, I want to just get stronger and get back to doing things with the kids. Talk about a sudden life change!