Final days......heartbreaking 💔

[Saddolly]

My mum was given 8 weeks to live 4 months ago, and she has fought to stay strong to be with us!! She has small cell lung cancer that has spreads to her brain, liver and bones!!

She has deteriorated massively over the last 10 days....gone is my loving caring sweet generous amazing beautiful Mum......in her place is a person who hits and spits at the family!! Says the most venomous things.....tonight she told me she wished it was me who was dying of cancer.....I burst into tears and she laughed in my face!!! My dad is broken and can’t cope and me and my sister are really struggling!!! She isn’t eating or drinking refuses her medication as she thinks we are poisoning her!! Refuses our help and doesn’t want us near her! She is home with the support of the community palliative care team and district nurses!!

I hate to see my mum like this it’s heartbreaking!! It’s hard enough losing her but her pushing us away is making this 10 times harder!! I know she doesn’t mean any of it and she isn’t herself, but it doesn’t stop hurting all the same.....💔

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle]

Dear Saddolly,

I am so sorry for you and your family to see your mum's condition deteriorate so rapidly. Given the symptoms your mum is experiencing It might be an idea to ask the Macmillan nurse or your mum's GP if one of the local Hospice doctors could do a domiciliary visit (a house call) and assess her condition(this service may not be available in all areas). They may suggest any treatments they feel may relieve the distressing symptoms she is experiencing and monitor her progress.

It may also be possible to have a Marie Curie nurse to stay at home to care for your mum overnight to give the family a break from caring and try and get some sleep in order to cope in the days ahead. You could ask the Macmillan nurse if this service is available locally.

Inevitably as a family you will have to decide where you would like your mum's care managed if her condition continues to deteriorate whether in hospital, the hospice or at home. Wherever you decide rest assured there will be doctors and nurses (e.g. GP and district nurses/Macmillan nurses) to support her and those of you caring for her during the terminal stage of her illness.

Please don’t hesitate to contact the nurse led Helpline if you need any further advice or just want someone to talk to in confidence. Tel Freephone:0800 358 7200(option 2)/

Kind regards,

All the team at the Roy Castle Helpline

[miasam]

Hi it's very hard for you I know I went threw everything you are saying this time last year (my husband died 2nd of November) make shore you get all the help you can speak to your palutive nurse tell her how you are feeling she isn't just there for your mum she's there to listen to you too .my husband stoped eating for 20 days and soon after took less and less water until he stoped and I was just wetting his lips .have you spoken about time now. I would say it's not to long .not that's want you want but it's quality off life you want . You take care off yourself as well try to get out a bit even if it's for a coffee in the local cafe so you can have some me time big hugs from me if you want to message your welcome. Carol x

[Bev86]

Dear saddolly,

Im so sorry to hear about your mum i lost my mum 3 years ago in almost exactly the same way sclc with brain and kidney metastatis its a horrible cruel disease which i would not wish on my worst enemy. At this time you will be feeling physically and emotionally drained whilst trying to take care of a ever growing list of your mums needs and supporting your dad whislt dealing with your own emotions try talking to one your nurses and perhaps ask the doctor about her sudden behaviour changes something similar happened to my mum and we found that she had pressure on her brain and she was prescribed steroids to reduce this which helped. But on a personal level my heart goes out to you sweetheart amongst taking care of others remember to take care of yourself too❤ xxx

[Saddolly]

Thank you all for your reply and sorry i haven’t replied sooner.....

.....Monday Mum was taken to the hospice and treated for a chest infection and they upped her steroids to 8mg and by Thursday was back to my loving caring Mum!! We discharged her home Thursday evening and since she’s been home she has been on a syringe driver incase she stars to refuse her pain meds and steroids!!

We were told by the hospice Doctors that mum has days left Thursday but since she has been home she’s sat up in bed eating, drinking, joking with us!! I know she can’t go on like this forever but she still has a bit of fight in her.....xxx

[dogmad65]

Thinking of you and so glad you have these days with your mum - good luck x