First time I am spending time with a ... - The Roy Castle Lu...

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First time I am spending time with a smoker, my mom, not sure how this will go.

sebweb profile image

Just a little support needed, advice perhaps. I am just about to see my mother and then soon my girlfriend... Both of whom are smokers.

I just quit for 2 weeks by myself and now I have to actively say no... Oh well. At least I had the strength to and hopefully they do too.

Knowing that my mum is proud of quitting before and then going back to smoking makes it more weird.

10 Replies

Hello Sebweb,

well done quiting smoking, 2 weeks down and achiving this on your own is a fantastic accomplishment. It can be difficult when you are back in the company of smokers, try to avoid the temptation and explain to your family members that you will find it difficult watching them smoking. Keep up the good work

Kind regards

Roy Castle Helpline

Explaining my situation is going much better than I expected. I am still a winner and have of course been asking and wanting but not prepared to actually go back to smoking. It feels to good already!

Difficult one, this. However, when family or friends visit us, they all go outside for a smoke. I don't think it is too much if they could respect your situation and pop outside for a ciggy when you are there - particularly when you are at this stage of giving up. Not easy where you are but you'll get there...and be so glad you when you win!

sebweb profile image
sebweb in reply to Dadog

Hi Dadog. I am still travelling at the moment so I haven't got a place to call home yet. As mum is the first person I have visited since I quit, things are ok. Your advice will come into effect when I see friends etc. you know, men especially. It is going to take courage and your words will be important. Thankyou again.

Well done on quitting! onwards and upwards. Could you suggest meeting somewhere neutral even a pub where smokers can go outside and you can stay in? I can no longer tolerate smoke and smoky environments and was in quite a pickle recently queuing in the cold Brussels air in a massive queue for taxis due to the airport closing for bad weather and cancelling over 130 flights and so many people were smoking. I hadn't been in such a smoke fog for many years so even with a scarf over my face, the combination of the cold air and smoke made me a wheezing wreck for many hours afterwards. Know about it being weird - my mum smoked from 16 - 70, not many (around 8 a day but used to have low tar ones and relight them several times!), she quit and a few years later developed dementia and 'forgot' she'd quit and restarted after at least 8 years without. However she smokes surreptitiously in the bathroom thinking we don't know yet my dad has never smoked. I find using their bathroom when I visit most unpleasant due to the lingering smoke despite her opening the window when she smokes. Try not to think about it, distract your thoughts if you can and don't linger in places where smokers are especially at this early stage of your quitting your habit. I believe that Meghan Markle has requested that Prince Harry quit his smoking if they're to continue so perhaps your girlfriend needs to be a little more understanding?

good luck ...

sebweb profile image
sebweb in reply to JanetteR57

Thankyou Janette, my girlfriend travels a lot so we have shared many airport smokes... Prince Harry better step up his game... I know she will pull through but finding time to quit was very lucky for me.

Mum and I are moving house for her so it has been 2 days together and I have not smoked one cigarette. It is nice to come back to this post and have confidence. All the best.

Mum has been loving and I gave her some respect too and she smokes organic roll your own so the smell is not too offensive.

She has dramatically cut down for me too so it is nice to see that emetic oak effect I am having.

Thankyou for your message, took me a while to get back to you but I have been strong and happy to have early my 2 weeks winner! sSo difficult to be honest, anyone who has quit smoking is a champion!

sebweb profile image
sebweb in reply to sebweb

Emetic oak was a typo but I kind of like the sound of it...

Hi Sebweb,

I've heard that nicotine is one of the most addictive drugs there are, and having given up smoking myself I can believe it! You've done fantastically well to give up smoking on your own, hope you are giving yourself (healthy) rewards. Here are some suggestions about how to cope being with smokers:

First, you are going to have some tough moments - be ready for them - have your strategies ready (Leave the room & get busy doing something? Have some chewing gum ready?) and remember tough moments are soon over when it comes to cigarette cravings, if you can just hold out for a few minutes they'll probably be gone.

Second, make sure you're not doing anything accidentally that could make them feel guilty about smoking, after all, the majority of smokers want to give up and would if they could, they're not doing it by choice. Instead, make sure they know you really appreciate the efforts they make by not smoking in front of you.

Your mum gave up smoking before - she'll do it again one day for good - if you can, keep encouraging her.

I hope some of this works for you and I wish you loads of luck.


sebweb profile image
sebweb in reply to Shan_E

Thankyou Shan! I have been very busy with travelling so I a sorry that I did not get back to you. Lovely words and things have gone well!

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