scared and anxious

[janeths466]

Hi all,

So tomorrow my mother has her first appointment after 4 months post lobectomy. We finally got insurance! Like I mentioned she looks amazing despite dyalisis being another thing to handle. Only thing is thay scratchy throat she gets with climate changes and random pains near the area of surgery. Again, no spread to lymph nodes, but risk of mets is what surgeon told me at her post op.

I am 21, my mom is 43. She has me and my 8 year old and 11 year old sister. And my father of course. We realize we need her so much. Now that she is back from that ICU emergency cancer/lobectomy nightmare, everything feels so good and normal again!! I am afraid of the future. I am anxious for what the doctor can tell her in her appointments. She has enough with dyalisis, and the thought of cancer recurrence makes her anxious. Me too but I keep silent. I cry sometimes because everything feels so perfect now, but I do not want to get used to it. I am afraid of going through qhat we all went through 4 months ago. It was the worst. Every night I cry over it. Her being in a coma. A month of bad news. Her episodes of delirium. The pain and tears she would shed when I cried to her despite her being sedated. The pain she went through. Seeing my dad crushed. My siblings wanting their mommy.

I do not know if I could tolerate that again. And it hurts. I know she is fine now, and I hug her every day randomly and she is like "you ok?". But like the possibilities of it happening again make my stomach turn. Thinking of the future.

[JanetteR57]

So sorry to read of your anxiety about your mum but it's natural to feel that way. My dad had bowel cancer in his 50s when I was in my 20s and I remember visiting him every day (especially the second time 6 months after his first op) thinking he wouldn't reach 60. He will be 90 in February and is my mum's carer (she has alzheimers) but I still remember as if it was yesterday the anxiety I felt. 3 years ago he had another bowel cancer and more major surgery but probably due to time (and my own diagnosis/experience) I was less anxious. It is 9 years ago since I turned up in A&E with what turned out to be lung cancer and had a lobectomy in Dec 2010, diagnosed Jan 2011. One thing I found helped me was a book called 'cancer is a word not a sentence' by Dr Rob Buckman that helped me put the experience into context and stop thinking that every symptom I experienced afterwards was a sign the cancer had returned. For many of us, after treatment we want to return to 'normal' even if a 'new normal' so it's really important for friends and relatives to find support for themselves about their anxiety as it can add to the patient moving forward. It's lovely of course to know that people are there for you but if all life becomes is a series of questions from everyone about how they're feeling, it can be very wearing. She may also not tell you if she is feeling worse to protect your feelings seeing how anxious you and your family have been. There will be good days and bad days for her and this is normal after treatment and fatigue/pain and other symptoms are normal after treatment so it's great that you're there for her. Do try and get some support for you and the family from Macmillan or Roy Castle helpline or other counselling if you can . Wishing you and your mum all the best as she finds her strength to recover from her treatment and you come to terms with what's happened and cope with your anxiety. x

[janeths466 in reply to JanetteR57]

wow you have gone through alot! hoping to have the same strenght and courage as you! thanks for the reply and the kind words i truly appreciate them right now❤️

[Gatorb8]

Hi there! That is such good news that she has no spread to lymph nodes! She is so much better off than most of us! Stay calm and strong and positive and I know that the bad news is behind you! I bet she has greater than 70 percent chance to cure with surgery and no spread. She will be in that majority! Hugs to you today!!🤗🤗

[janeths466 in reply to Gatorb8]

thank you so much for the kind words💕

[Memaw0100]

None of us know the future. I sure understand. I lost my Mom 30 years ago to lung cancer. Then was diagnosed myself 6 years ago. Of course I just knew it was my death sentence. I’ve done well with it, but now I have coloncancer that is in my lymph nodes. They have come so far with treatments I still have hope for me. Allow the natural feelings to come. As you said, it seems good right now. Try and enjoy each day. I will be praying for a positive report. God bless!

[janeths466 in reply to Memaw0100]

thank you so much, and i have hope for you as well💕 will do!

[SusieAlta]

Hi! I feel like we have been through the same thing. My mom was first diagnosed 27 months ago. Her cancer has relapsed and it’s the only thing I’ve worried about too. But, she’s been okay. Unfortunately, my dad died suddenly, not having him is awful, but seeing him in pain was terrible. Your mom and I are the same age. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s not easy to take care of everyone and you’re doing amazing! If you ever need to talk I’m here! ❤️