Living with Anxiety
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Secret identity. Borderline personality Disorder

I Have a diagnosis of Borderline personality disorder . Im on section 117 aftercare section .Hmm thats a big joke i always thought if you suffer from any mental illness you should recieve pychiactric care well thats a hudge understatement. My funding authority happens to be Coventry and Warwickshire Partnership trust NHS mental health team and based in leamington spa.. Ive had Several diagnosises. one of them being Schizophrenia and now ive been diagnosed as Borderline personality disorder even before i moved to tho the East midlands but im still on my section 117 aftercare in coventry and wawickshire they are supposed to be funding me where i now live in the east midlands .Borderline personality disorder know as BDP is a extremly crippling condition..One minute im up and the second minute im down i have every day temper tantrums mostly several times each day and at night. Im scared of being left alone ive a tremense fear of being left in the house when my husband goes out i.try my best to stop him from going out on most days ive even got terribly angry or sat by my front door in my wheel hair and shouted and screamed at him eventually.he doesnt go out . On certain good days which isnt very often during the week i say he can have time out on his own in town but i cant cope if its more than hour or two being left on my own because of the horrendous fear i have. I tried to commit suicide over thirteen years ago by jumping from three floors in a pychisctric hospital i was rushed to hospital and went through emergency surgery for twelve hours to save my leg and ankle that was hanging off. .I two weeks in hospital and went through skin graphs and various bone graphd and either my tibbilar was removed or my fibbular. i cant remember. which of those was removed completley but one of yhem was removed .ZI also had a fusion of my ankle and cant walk. I used to live in a residental home it was the best time life i had friends lots of help it was all wheelchair friendly so i could.get around easly in my powerchair and lots of pychiactric help as well as. lots of sessions to go to and days out in the mini bus and nice caring nursing staff learning disability staff and pychiactric. and lots of pychology sessions i felt wanted part of something had pkenty of care and help but all that changed when me and my husband moved to the east midlands .Yes we had care during the day but no mobility bungalow what our authorities wgere supposed to sort out before we moved there.I had to crawl in this bungalow on all fours like a cat we had a nast landlord we both hadnt a clue how to live in the community. I have had no help roughly for eighteen months. .We,ve lived in three non mobility bungalows life has been sheer hell. for me and Rob. Our community mental health teams our awfull in fact my social worker hardly phones me never returns my phone calls her secretary lies to me and rob and many other people on our side have had plenty of excuses said to them from my communiy mental health team .My social workrr is useless very incompitent uncaring cold hearted and most of all she shouldnt be a social worker at all .I wonder how she passed her exams. I also have a learning dissbility triple xxx47syndromr it affects my behaviour .I spent years in mental hosputsls starting in warwick and then ended up in different parts of this country. BDP not many health proffesinals understand this disabling condition. ive been mentally ill since i was a teenager and im fourty this year..Ive been in different institutions untill now so has my husband he has pychopathic.disorder and a processing dekay and learning difficulties he had support wirjers coming in during the day all day..We have asked ti go in twenty four hour supported living with staff all day and all night in a especially adapted mobolity bungalow our health authorites are trying to sort it out. IVE BEEN BETRAYED BY MY MENTAL HEALTH TEAM LEFT TO ROT AND NO HELP FOR OVER YEAR AND A HALF MY SOCIAL WORKER TREATS ME LIKE IM NOT HUMSN SHE IS SCARED OF ME APPARENTLY . YOU WOUKDNT TREAT A ANIMAL LIKE THIS BUT WE HAVE BERN TREAT LUKE THIS FROM THE ONE PEOPLE EHO ARE SUPPOSED TO CARE AND THATS THE NHS COMMUNITY MENTAL HEAKTH TEAM. IVE HAD EVEN TWO PYCHIATRISTS TURN ME AWAY THEY WOULD HAVE rather have sent me back to my GP there attitude towards me was whatdo you expect me to do about it go home and di breathing exercises which reduced me to tears at the appoinment i went in husbsnd feeling very positive tgat id get DBT therapy and Anger management and instead i get pushed away and reduced to tears. Is this what the NHS is all about unhelpfull and pushing people away who desperately need the help and want to be helped. but get pushrd away twice from previous pychiatrists at tge same clinic in the east midlands and my mental health team in warwickshire. Ive got a better pychiatrist now but he sometimes doesnt listen and when i wrote to him saying i wanted a change of doctor and second opinion he actually changed and started to listen to me.Me and my husband our on safrguard. if we had had the correct help and support what we had orgininally asked for we wouldnt havr been.put on it.If these mental health social workers had Borderline personality disorder they wouldnt cope if ghey had had the sort of neglect that we gave suffered in the hands of the Mental health teams in the NHS It totally a disgrace and a shambles and in society its heading back to the victorian times .People ate begging for help wanting help asking for help but thrse days knowbody want to know ehatbis society coming to

3 Replies

hi there, Thank you for reaching out to the SA Federation for Mental Health. i really feel for you and would like to assist you as much as we can. Unfortunately we are based in South Africa, but would like to refer you to the organisation 'Rethink'. 'Rethink Mental Illness' is an experienced provider of advocacy services for people affected by mental illness, including Independent Mental Capacity Advocate (IMCA) and Independent Mental Health Advocacy (IMHA). they provide services in securing the rights and services to which you are entitled to.

Their website:

I sincerely hope they will be of help to you


Hi their to the Safeedration in south africa thanks for sending me some information about rethink mental advocacy i shall definately get in touch with them ..I.will be writting a few more blogs over the the next few weeks on mental health and how it effects the most of the population. Yes its a absolute true fact alot more study is needed on mental illness and awareness as still lots of mental health teams have no idea about BDP Borderline personality disorder and how it affects so many people who suffer this crippling condition many social workers all over britain still have hardly any knowledge and lack the skills of a.properly qualified mental health social worker including my social worker who still lacks any knowledge of my whole mental illness and background . Its quite sad really having to admit that my social worker that i have currently got has failed me completeley and not even bothered to help me she only sees what she wants to see and that is how she is .She is rather pathetic really and is lacking in mental illness knowledge i feel sorry for any other poor souls in leamington spa in warwickshire who has this particular social worker. I cant name her for legal reasons. like i havent named myself because id rather be a secret identity. But it would be good if mental illness stopped being this bad stigma for all mental illnesses across the world including Britain and hopefully we can all together one day knock out this mental Stigma for good. kind regards arhodgson Secret identity



You're very brave for telling your story but I know where you're coming from and i bet it was through sheer desperation that you did write your story.

BPD is a hurrendous illness and not recognised very much either. Up until 2004 you werent treated for this illness you were labelled and then left, but in 2004 it was discovered by leaving these people who had BPD it was making them worse and so all medical staff were re-trained in this illness and should be treated as a mental illness, however many mental health proffessionals live the old way because it easier to pass it on than to learn about it and deal with it as it should be dealt with.

I have been fighting 5 yrs to access services that have been denied to me and I have been forced to go to my local MP, he actualy got me an assessment with a psychiatrist who has receommended input from the MHT, whether it happens is a different story.

As you say you are being treated terribly buy the people who are supposed to be there to help you. I have bipolar, BPD, many anxities, paranioa, panic attacks and have a life long history of suicide attempts and self harm, I am medicated and have been since i was 18 i am now 49, they discharged me in 2008 and refused to have anything more to do with me, so my MP has started something going.

The good thing about people with BPD, we never ever give up, it's like a voice saying, this is wrong, dont let them beat you, you're right in what you're doing, keep going. Does this ring a bell with you.

I really hope you do get some help, and then maybe you can start to find some peace and happiness that it sounds like you and ur hubby deserve.

All the best to you both.



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