Looking for advice

New here and just looking for adventure. I feel so bored and honestly think I'm depressed. I work a job with really long hours and just want freedom. On my days off I wake up and most of the time find it hard to get out of bed. I ask myself, what am I gonna do today?! And I feel hopeless when I realize there's nothing that comes to mind and am motivated to get busy with so I just try to do something productive so it's not a waste. I'm a mechanic by trade and that's where I believe my hobbies lie. I have many projects going on.  I buy vehicles, off road vehicles, dirt bikes or whatever and fix them up and sell them. Just can't find motivation to even work on my current projects. So burnt out!! When I travel I feel like such a tourist and I hate it. Wish I could live the lifestyles of the places I go. But my being there is just a vacation and it's back to reality in a couple days. I have a daughter, wife, with another baby on the way. My 4 year old daughter is from a previous relationship and up until a few months ago I had primary custody but now have joint custody. She spends half the time 750 miles away from me. Our final hearing is in a year. I know I need to be patient but it's so hard not knowing what will happen in a year. I feel like I'm stuck in a crossroads of my life not knowing what to do with it. I could keep saving money and be bored. I could try to find something to buy to occupy the time. I feel like I want to disappear. Just change the scenery completely. If I could I would join the military but that would mean losing my daughter completely. We will see what happens after the custody stuff is over. I feel so lost. Don't know what to do. Feel like every option I explore I find problematic. I feel so alone. No family around here and because of the custody stuff I can't move. Just searching for answers to hopefully find happiness again. Any advice would be awesome. 

3 Replies

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  • Hi there

    You sound pretty low.  When times are tough, when you are at your lowest perhaps try and think of the good things you have.  You have a job, a wife and a baby on the way so all that is good isn't it?

    I am guessing you are generally healthy, other than feeling low?  The situation with your daughter is  tough one, lots of parents are going through similar situations.  750 miles apart is a long way.  Perhaps, once the hearing is over, you can consider moving a little closer?  Is that an option?  I am not suggesting you move to the same town but perhaps within an hours drive, closer enough to be there but not too close so it causes friction for your daughter's mum or for your wife.

    Perhaps try and look at your situation in smaller segments, the whole picture is a bit scary.  I am guessing you are a good mechanic, do you have mechanic friends who can help you clear he backlog of private work you have, to help you get rid of the 'panic' feeling, this is probably hindering your quality sleep, you are then in a vicious circle.  Talk to your mechanic mates, is there one you are close to? perhaps tell him you are worrying a bit etc

    Then focus on your wife and 'bump' can you find some time to go out together.  I am not talking about expensive nights out (she is probably tired too) but now the weather is better, be a tourist in your own town.  Pack a picnic, look a the map and go somewhere local just for 2 hours, its a change of scenery, and some fresh air.

    Make a list - women always make lists!  Now it is your turn.  Do a planner for the week, ok so most of it will be repetitive because of work, but plan for after work, what you will have for tea, ask you wife to help you, you could cook together, what are you going to do in the evening, ok you might not want to do anything but try and go for a 10 minutes walk and then sit down and watch tv.  Don't panic about sleep.  7 hours is enough.  I don't know what time you start work but say 8am, so if you go to bed at 11pm and get up at 7am but don't drift off until midnight, its not the end of the world!  Oh don't drink anything after 9pm as that will make you have to get up in the night!

    Weekends - try and follow a similar sleep pattern, our bodies like routine.  Avoid alcohol, that will make you feel low - and it is expensive.  Eat more fruit - that's what my mum says and I am not about to argue with her!

    As I said at the beginning focus on what you have now - don't fret about what will happen next year, you can't change that at the moment.  Talk to your wife, does she know how you feel?  I know we woman usually do all the talking but do listen too (you men never listen lol!!)

    Keep smiling (makes folk wonder what you have been up to, although your wife's bump might be a bit of a giveaway!)

    x

  • Thanks I'll try a lot of this. Just reading this kind of made me happy. By long hours on the job I mean LONG hours, I get up for work at 3:30am and get home at 9:30pm but I'll figure something out. 12 hr shifts plus 4 hour commute. Sucks the energy out of me I think. 

  • Hi

    Sorry to hear your feeling so down but i think part of your problem is in your last post. You are physically and mentally drained, no body can work so many hours and remain sane. I used to work 80 hours a week and then come home and work on an extension i was building and all i achieved was a complete melt down. I feel you must somehow cut your hours, money is not everything if you do not enjoy your work. Why not try auto grass racing as its a relatively cheap sport and something your wife could support.

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