I've just found something I wrote when I first came home from hospital . My daughter wanted me to write down ever thing I remembered.
There's pain everywhere. One big pain and a constellation of smaller ones, all different. Sharp ones, stingy ones, dull aches.
. My ear is folded forward and it stings
. My bad knee aches
. My ribs down my right side are one big ache, with several sharply painful spots.
But my belly is one big screaming, roaring pain.
I think of them as different colours, yellow, purple, red.
I can't speak, and I haven't enough strength to try to explain to the nurse. Besides, if I attract her attention she might come and roll me, and I'd rather have the pain than that.
Written by
patchworker
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Except for the dreams and nightmares I don't remember anything about my stay in ICU, but what I thought was Nightmare turns out to be true. In the nightmare a nurse was trying to strip my hospital gown off so that she and a male nurse could cut me open to take my organs, but apparently the nurse told my wife (jokingly) that I was the first man who had fought her off when she was trying to give them a bed bath, she said that I fought so hard to hang onto it that she had to call the male nurse over to help her. Boy did I miss out there LOL.
Seriously though I cannot understand why they needed to struggle with me so much, surely one of them should have known the sort of horror my mind COULD be going through.
I am sorry to hear the pain you felt. I was lucky and passed out, so I never felt any heart attack pain, or the terror I would have felt from the pulmonary oedema feeling up my lungs and not being able to take a breath.
I was absolutely terrified when the ICU nurses rolled me, I used to feel nothing but pain and felt like I couldn't breathe when they rolled me. Due to the severity of my illness and being unable to move myself I had to be rolled regularly and it is really scary. It was worst at night when I would wake up with 3+ nurses around me getting ready to roll me to reduce the breakdown of my skin. It's completely understandable why you were scared and like you I had stomach pain so when they roll and your on your side the pain was just horrible and felt like it was suffocating me.
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