Four years ago I was admitted to an ICU unit in the US with bilateral pneumonia as a result of the H1N1 virus.

[AnnieBananie]

I am a 56 year woman who has always been in good physical shape. Four years ago I was admitted to a hospital in the US with bilateral pneumonia as a result of the H1N1 virus. I remember almost nothing of the 3+ weeks in an induced coma in ICU (with the exception of various nightmares) and only smatterings of the followup weeks in pulmonary rehab. I have been told that the low points in ICU were when I developed sepsis, an infection from my PIC line, had a trach put in, could not be revived from my coma and almost died, twice. Coming home from pulmonary rehab on a walker with no motor skills or strength, having only been on solid foods for a few days I knew it would be an uphill battle but I had no idea I wold be still be suffering so much. I think I am severely depressed and am not finding any support in my area. I appreciate any thoughts anyone may have.

[Luckyone]

Hi Annie,

I to suffered a very similar illness to you three and a half years ago aged 52, I had what I thought was a chest infection which turned into a fight for life when it turned into bilateral pneumonia, severe sepsis, MOF and ARDS and my wife told I had a less than 10% chance of survival, I spent 3 months in ICU, 53 days of that time is completely missing, but my wife kept a diary in the hope that one day I would be able to read what happened to me. I left hospital nearly 4 stone lighter, my lung capacity down to 54%, I looked and felt like a broken old man.

The first few months after leaving hospital were the worst, I had been a fairly fit and healthy non smoker before, now I had turned into someone that needed help with everything which led to some very dark days wishing I hadn't survived, fortunately at a follow up clinic my consultant put me in touch with a psychologist which help a bit, but the real turning point came when I was asked to speak to a patient in ICU who was having a difficult time trying to understand what was happening to him, I visited him on several occasions but sadly he relapsed and died, this led to me getting involved in starting a support group for ex-patients offering empathy and support, I'm now a trustee for the national ICUsteps charity continuing to support ex-patients & relatives as we know what it's like to go through such a traumatic experience. I still have emotional moments knowing how different things could have turned out, I feel though we are the lucky ones to have a second chance of life and by helping others is my way of understanding what they have been through letting them know are not alone.

[eddie1968]

I had a similar experience 2 years ago but had post operative Respiratory Failure, was induced into a coma and ventilated for 3 weeks as I was hard to wean. I spent another week in ICU with a tracheotomy before being transferred to HDU. I also had nightmares and hallucinations on waking for days on end and thought some of the nurses were going to kill me which I now know is common. It is an uphill battle both physically and mentally and can leave you frustrated, depressed but looking back I did have inner strength to survive. GPs do not fully recognize PTSD and depression post ICU. Good luck !

[AnnieBananie]

Thank you both for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It is nice to know that I am not alone.

[Twash]

I understand. My illness occurred almost three years ago and I still am not fully recovered.

It takes an incredible amount of time to recover from a critical illness. I needed to seek therapy for ptsd and anxiety. I still battle depression. But I am slowly creating a new life for myself. You will to, just be kind to yourself and listen to your body and don't be ashamed to seek help from a therapist. I found that my friends and family can't understand they just want me to be okay.

[AnnieBananie]

Thank you Twash. I too find my family and friends do not understand and really, how could they? Even so, it makes it difficult when everyone anticipates you just coming back and getting on with your life with gratitude that you survived. There is so much more to it all.