Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

I have so many mental illnesses it's beyond ridiculous, severe clinical depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self harm , eating disorders, agoraphobia, kleptomania, OCD, night paralysis, PTSD when I get an idea in my head, no one can tell me otherwise, I'm on a loop, the symptoms keep changing, today I decided food is poisonous, I must stop eating, the switch has been turned on. I want normality, I yearn to be normal, I want peace, my life has been in and out of clinics, psychiatrists, psychologists, psychotherapists, medications, different therapies ie cognitive, mindfulness, groups, nothing helps

5 Replies

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  • Hi love I to have had a past of mental illness and like u tried everything and reacted everywhich way in and out of hospital I always said I needed a wrecking ball break down barriers well I got it when was 51 ended up in a coma for 10 days from a urine infection but when came round could not usee my legs I was totally reliant on nurses I had no control but I got in touch with my feelings and started expressing them I cried for first time in 3yrs I laughed I expressed anger some of the feelings I didn't even know the name of but now for 18 month I have not been depressed I have had down days but not that deep dark pit I get frustrated but I have checked in with a very close friend and she assures me it is a normal reaction I will not be giving up on my medication although my friend wants me to I never want to go go back thir I have gained a fair amount of use in my legs but use a trolly indoors and electric wheelchair go out but I never want in that pit again

  • that is wonderful, thank you for your reply, I love reading stories where people beat this awful illness. I have self medicated since I was 9, purely for that reason, so I wouldn't have to feel or think about things that happened to me at home. At the slightest feeling of discomfort I reach for the Valium. I went to and completed detox in April this year but I felt it was a waste of time, Rehab is essential, but having children at home, being away for an entire year is impossible. Meanwhile, I relish every single minute, when the depression lifts as it's not always gone for long

    warm regards

    Ally

  • The trick with self-help is to appreciate that it is not therapy and that the clue is in the title. If you are waiting for the cavalry to arrive and save you, you might be waiting for a long time. If I sit in a support group of people that appear 'largely' to be happy - they are doing something that works. They may, occasionally, be knocked off balance by an event - but the strength of the group tends to Centre them again. Are you sitting in groups where people are getting well?

  • I have tried groups but I found them useless, I got nothing out of them, there was generally one woman who always took the floor, so I found myself looking at the clock yawning. I have never been to a group where the people are mostly happy. The question is not what have I tried, but rather what haven't I tried, even hypnotherapy and acupuncture. I feel if I was treated when I first started exhibiting symptoms at 9, I would have had a better chance, but my parents?...well that's another story, but after over 30 years of this, not easy.

    warm regards

    Ally

  • U know u need to look at ur children or children the same age as u were when it all began and really look at their innocence and vulnerability and learn to forgive urself cos whatever happened u were to young and vulnerable and didn't ask for it do not reproach urself but put the anger back were it belongs

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