Hi, I've never had the courage to post on here, I've tried so many times and have deleted my post, so here goes;
After having back pain for over 20 years and trying physio, spinal injections my consultant said an operation was my final choice; after thinking long and hard I decided to have surgery, I mean I'm only 43 and thought the pain is only going to get worse the older I get.
My surgery went ahead on 5th September 2011, I never saw anyone the morning of surgery as in no consultant came to chat and go over things, the porters wheeled me down and that's wen my nightmare begins:
I hear Mrs Mitchell, Mrs Mitchell stop fighting against is we are trying to help you? I opened my eyes to three men and a lady who said she was Claire; machines beeping, wires everywhere, I was elevated in a bed and couldn't move, I looked at my hands and remember my fingers were like big fat sausages; I had a copd mask strapped to my head, I was absolutely petrified, I couldn't move and tears streaming down my face, Claire said I needed to calm down and that I was in hospital after complications during surgery, I had no idea what she was talking about; I was listening for accents and thought to myself in not in Cardiff, for some strange reason I believed I was in Australia and I've been sold. It was sheer hell, a lady came to my bed in her blue scrubs, she introduced herself to me and said she had saved my life. I had never felt so alone, and scared!! I spent 2 and a half months in hospital; basically surgeons swooped without my consent, a trainee surgeon unsupervised performed my surgery, he had completely severed my main artery, I had emergency servers cutting me from my breast bone to public bone, I had to be resesertated 3 times and was literally at deaths door; I had a collapsed lung, mrsa, pneumonia, clots on both lungs and a hepatoma in my tummy and acute respiratory problems. I've been in and out of hospital so many times since, I have more wrong with me now and my back is just the same.
I go to bed absoloutly shattered, but for some reason I wake up due to the flashbacks, my poor husband gets so upset, I shout in my sleep help me help me and he wakes me up, I dream that it's my actual funeral, I put my hands over my face trying to stop having that horrendous mask strapped to my head. I have ptsd and have a cbt, I've learnt to control my breathing when I get panic and anxiety attacks. I get so down and upset that my life has changed so much, yes I'm alive, but getting used to the new me is hell, I was out going bubbly, now I staying as I can't go out on my own as I just panic, I'm a wreck. I would like to thank each and everyone of you who have posted their experiences, it means I'm not going mad and that I'm not alone.. Many thanks for taking time to read this: phew I've actually done it, condemned it down, as you've all been in the same situation and understanding where I'm coming from.