Feeling Scared

After a long 4 months i am finally going back to work . I feel so scared as if ive been in a different world to others for the last few months . Mentally i feel i need to get back into the really world along with people, but still feeling weak and struggling to sleep and cope with the nightmares and the reality of what happened .

This whole process feels like your swimming in the sea and the tide keeps sweeping u back to tread the water again . I hope that people are as understanding as this icu site is, and life can return to normal whatever that is . As much as i feel so lucky to still be here , i feel the after affects we live with everyday at times is still a struggle and what happened does not seem real.

Thank you all for your support


5 Replies

  • The first day is the worsed, after that everything gets back to normal, dont worry be happy

  • It's a scary time adjusting back to such a potentially unsupported step, at least it was for me, but I have to say it turned out to be an important step in getting back to a normal life.

    I started going back to work just under 4 months after my accident, where I'd sustained a brain haemorrhage, broken neck, broken back and punctured lung. I only did so because my employers were going to stop my salary and I was also fortunate that for the first few weeks I used remaining sick days and holiday to begin with 2 or 3 days a week. I was still wearing my spinal brace and using a zimmer frame at this time.

    I was scared that I wouldn't be mentally capable of doing my web development job any more and I was still a little afraid of the 'reality' I was in having suffered quite badly from delirium for an extended period. Though the policy of the company machine had forced me back to work, the individual people I worked with were fantastic, very understanding and helpful.

    I don't have too many specific memories of this period but that's because after the initial step of starting back, it went so smoothly. Perhaps some of this was down to the specific colleagues I had but I'd like to think much of it is down to the basic goodness of people. They won't understand the specifics of what we've been through but they do understand that we've come close to dying. Just letting them know that around 20-25% of patients admitted to intensive care don't survive gives them an appreciation of the seriousness of what we've been through and although it didn't exist when I returned to work, sending them to the ICUsteps site - particularly the guide section - would help them appreciate the legacy of critical illness too.

    We know we're lucky to be alive and so will your colleagues. The first day or two may be more difficult but I hope you too find it a positive step in getting back to being a normal person again.

  • Good luck with work and well done for getting back out there - hope it goes well

  • Hope u feel better in yourself for going to work although u feel tired and struggling even for me although I am 63 it's hard to get back into society but feel proud have good night sleep you can then wake up knowing u have achieved today and don't run before you walk lots of love again xxxxx

  • well done you fro returning to work!

    admittedly i'm still off. was planning on returning to work at the end of the month when my sick note expires but now thinking of starting the new year fresh with returning to work.

    I have been off a really long time now, and i understand half the team have moved on too!

    I was in hospital from February to march this year with multi organ failure plus only had 1 lung working at 30% so was fighting for my life. truth is, I have literally recently started to feel a little better mentally and am just now walking (cant find the pace to run yet) so I thought I would take the rest of the year to get healthy physically.

    and am also scared just thinking of returning but also really want to because it will feel like being 'normal' again. I have trouble sleeping as long as I can remember but definitely it has got worse in now I sometimes think of some of the things I dreamt of/hallucinated i'm not entirely sure. I remember when I first came home from the hospital, I didn't feel like it was my home and kept thinking were have the white bars from the ceiling gone n the curtains to draw my cubicle???

    I have had a lot of time to adjust to it now and feel that I'm stronger mentally and spirtually, as I am a survivor of everything this auto immune disease I have been diagnosed with has put me through and still is.

    A lot of people couldn't have survived what I had gone through, and my family said that the only reason why the Dr kept me on life support machine was because I was very young, even than he would have switched off the machine, because every day was about just about battling to keep me alive not even better.

    I said I wanted to go back to the hospital and thank this man, if it wasn't for his hope...(and a million +1 prayers from everyone) I wouldn't be here today. I also said I want to see the ICU ward - I'm not sure why but feel I need to.

    Stay strong - were all survivors!

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