How do I get some help for my daughter?

My daughter is 15 and can't make friends at school. She's very bright and is top of her class in most subjects. I suspect she may have a mild form of Asperger's syndrome. Her brother has a diagnosis of Asperger's and same thing: very bright kid. She's very lonely and cries a lot because she doesn't manage to 'chat' to her classmates. She's quite obsessive and always worries. She's always alone at lunch time and never get invited to parties. She got bullied in the past and the school is utterly hopeless. We don't have a GP we can really talk to, who would listen to us. I tried to find a private psychologist but they all refused because of her age. There was just one who could but quite bluntly told me off because we could make appointments just evenings and WE. We've tried all the silly advices you can find on the internet (ie. walk your dog and do some exercise). Sometimes I feel like I want to go on the roof tops and start shouting so that we get some help. What should I do? My heart bleeds for her. Any advice or useful names/addresses?

7 Replies

  • You should be able to request a referral to a clinical psychologist from your GP, if you are in the UK. You have a strong case as you already have a child with an ASD. If your GP won't listen then speak to your local Family Practitioners Committee. It could just be a "teen" thing, but you need some advice and your daughter some help, I hope it goes well for you.

  • Child Psychologists are as rare as hens teeth v65v. But of course you are right. It's a matter of persistence. If on the 2nd visit with her daughter to the GP doesn't work then take a recording device on the third visit. On fourth visit play the recording and give the Medic 14 days to respond in writing. The main problem with child protection is that children are not a very high priority in our Government's policies. So obviously parent's will have to struggle harder to fight on their own for their children.

  • Cleo11 Firstly if you can follow my posts on here you will see the distress I have been in over my Grandson. You seem to be having a similar problem. You don't have confidence in your GP. Well find one you do have confidence in. But in reality the main problem with parents who have difficulties with their children is that very few people know that there is such a thing as a Child Development Office in most areas of the UK. The CDO will monitor kids referred by a GP. But also a child Psychiatrist. A child Psychologist. Sometimes by a school where there are concerns about a child's welfare. Cleo you must walk into your Health Centre and demand to see a doctor. Take a Dictaphone with you. Report your concerns to the GP & tell him/her on the way out that he has 7 days to respond to your concerns! As your daughter is 15 she would be nearing the end of the child development programme. Don't go private Cleo. You will get money grabbers. We can talk again.

  • Thank you very much ToniManifesto and v65v. It didn't start very well, though. I tried to make an appointment to see my GP and was told that there no availability until November and that the calendar for November is not yet open. By the time I managed to get anything sorted out my daughter will be 16, I'm afraid. I am going to call again and again until they 'open' their November calendar. I will keep you posted. Thanks again.

  • Does your daughter have difficulties to 'chat' with anyone, or is it mainly with regard to her class mates? I feel what she needs is some understanding people or some people she feels at ease with. I used to feel unable to share the interests of classmates and people of my own age, but there are more people and places in the world. Tell her clearly that school is not the whole world, that she can just go there to finish studies and get papers. Then, help her to find something of her interest or someone she feels at ease with. Don't only think of specialists / therapists. Maybe there is, for example, an old lady that she could visit now and then and talk with. She needs love and attention and to find out what she likes in life. Tell her it may take some time, but that she should just go on with what she is doing now and that surely good things will come on her way. With love,

  • Hi Silverstone. Thanks for your input. Yes, my daughter struggles to talk to anyone and definitely the 'chatting' is not her thing. But then again, what makes me think that there could be a hint of Asperger's is the fact that she seems to relate quite well to the other girls during lessons/group work but as soon as she is not within the known context of the lesson, she shies away and just doesn't seem to understand what the other girls are talking about. She struggles with their body language, doesn't understand why they hug each other as teenagers do. We have been down the road of what you are suggesting and I can still hear myself telling her all those things. Unfortunately, school is her 'whole' world at this stage and let's face it, your ability to make friends as a teenager builds up your confidence and future ability to go into the world. We have no close by family and never had any support from far away. In the past couple of weeks again parties and get togethers have been organised in the class for almost the whole class without her being invited. I have a GP appointment for her in some weeks. We'll have to see what happens then. Have a nice week-end.

  • Just wondering what happened about your daughter , did she get an Asbergers diagnosis? The school system totally failed my boys eventually diagnosed at 17 and 18 ŵ. Now trying to get a Pathological Demand Avoidance Diagnosis. CAMHS totally clueless.

    That you had a son on the spectrum and your daughter showed blantedly obvious signs of AS it's disgraceful she was not referred but nothing shocks me anymore .

    30th July at 22.28 there is a survey about Asbergers etc, you might like to fill it in. The interim results are shocking, won't surprise you.

    The Petition above is we are trying desperately to get PDA formally recognised. Would be delighted if you would sign and get friends to do the same.

    The youngest the school said he was lazy and winging it, they ne er referred . The eldest is extremely bright and will spend his life on benefits due to blatant incompetence .

    Thank you. Xxxx

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