There are times (increasingly more so lately) that I feel like I'm drowning in the situation surrounding me. I so want to communicate with & understand my 3.5yr old child but feel so far from doing so. I know her 'meltdowns' are her way of expressing both her anger & frustration at not getting what she is after & not knowing how to convey what she would like corrected but having to contend with her screaming, pushing, pulling, kicking & biting can take me to the limits & beyond (It doesn't help having other adults screaming at her to 'Shut up' & telling me to 'Get her under control') & I have to take a step back from it all.
There are moments I wonder whether she'll ever be potty trained. She shows an awareness of her bottom being dirty, sadly this awareness often involves her hands straying into her nappy and then smearing whatever she finds over herself, her clothes, her surroundings....our latest episode saw me having to get her out of bed in the early hours as she had smothered herself & her bedding in poo = dunking her in bath, stripping bed, remaking bed, trying to reassure/calm her whilst all this taking place before finally resettling her an hour & half later.
I feel somehow as though I am letting her down with other people telling me I need to get her potty trained, that I am too 'soft' with her & letting her get away with too much. I worry that I need to let go more as she is getting older now & I need to give some trust but that if I do try & 'trust' her to do things she will get hurt. Part of me says I'm being overprotective of my child whilst another says I'm not doing enough to keep her safe. I wish there was an easy solution to how I feel but I'm left having 'self conflicts' trusting my child to 'behave' whilst friends/family take over her care so I can do tasks such as bathing/showering, visiting Dr/Dentist/Hairdresser, grab a cuppa....I worry so much about leaving her too long (I probably trust my 21mth old to manage without me whilst I do these things more readily than I feel comfortable leaving my 3.5yr old to manage, it's daft). At the end of the day I guess the one person I'm truly letting down is me