anxiety

[Tropicalxy3_]

hi I suffer with severe anxiety and agoraphobia and obviously autism due to that I have no friends and I’m quite lonely I was just wondering if anyone is going through similar things

[NotJim]

Hi Tropicalxy3_,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling lonely and having trouble with anxiety.

I'm also on the spectrum and have dealt with anxiety day to day for many years. I found Bach remedies helpful for dealing with the day to day symptoms. They're much kinder on the system than prescribed medication and are also very safe, as they are plant-based. I'm not a GP, and can't dispense proper medical advice, but can recommend these based on my own experience. My younger sibling has also used these for her anxiety and agoraphobia bachfloweradvice.co.uk/

Anxiety is a bit of a pain in the bum. It's more or less our body trying to protect us but just doing too much of a good job(!) I understand you also mentioned agoraphobia and anxiety is a big link to this too, as well as part of the challenge of going out and finding friends.

I imagine anxiety as F.E.A.R - Fearful Events Appearing Real. The important thing being Appearing. For example, I could feel anxious that if I go to the shops today, there will be a thunderstorm. I don't like thunder, it's very loud - that's a reasonable fear. It looks sunny right now but my anxious feelings tell me that doesn't mean that it couldn't cloud over later. And they'll provide all sorts of evidence to go with it too, like how it can be warm before a thunderstorm, or how thunderstorms can happen suddenly. My anxiety could tell me to check things on a weather app. It could look sunny all day. But it will still whisper nervously to me that it might be wrong. However, it doesn't actually mean that there will be one.

Everything the anxiety is saying is that something I'm afraid of might happen. The more I dwell on it, the more likely it appears it could happen. In the end, if I go out I will now be thinking about nothing other than the possibility that it might thunder. But just because the anxiety tells us that the fearful event is possible does not mean it is guaranteed to happen.

Anxiety's biggest food source is often the unknown and uncertain, because then it can ask us "What if...". We can't control what will or will not happen in every situation and that is an uncomfortable feeling.

What can help quieten down the anxiety is gently teaching ourselves how to respond to uncertainty. Going back to the thunderstorm, I can't control if it will happen or not. I know I need to go to the shops or I won't have anything to eat. It's important. So how should I respond?

Option 1 - I avoid the possible chance of getting caught in the possible but not guaranteed thunderstorm by staying indoors and not going to the shops. But it means the anxiety has persuaded me to stay in and I don't have anything to eat now. So not a great outcome.

Option 2 - I acknowledge that the anxiety is saying it might thunder, I take an umbrella just in case, and go to the shops. I can make sure I go quickly if I find it stressful and I don't have to make myself stay longer than I need to, that's all fine. But I make sure I go. In going out, step by step, it means proving to the anxiety that although the Fearful Event Appears Real, it isn't guaranteed to happen. And if it does thunder while I'm out there, then I have an umbrella (something to keep me safe and dry), and I can ask myself if it is as scary as I thought it would be.

Anxiety will try to make us believe that the very worst will happen, but it has no power to actually bring it about. It's tiring to live with and sometimes it's harder to challenge than others. But the more we can challenge it, and not let it eat at what we're afraid of, the more we build a positive way of responding to anxiety-inducing situations.

Another thing I found helpful is to make sure not to "feed" the anxiety. This means recognising when our thoughts are going into a cycle, where we're focusing on what we're afraid of and when our minds are jumping to the worst case scenarios. For example, if I spend every day looking at my app and reading about thunderstorms that's probably not doing my anxiety any good as it's encouraging my mind to obsess.

It takes practice, but the more we can be aware of what we're thinking the easier it is to realise when we're likely to be headed into a downward spiral of fearful thoughts.

Some times will be easier than others, of course. There will always be times when we feel a bit overwhelmed, or that stuff is too much. In those situations it's good to use what helps you feel calm and safe to bring you back to a good place.

Having looked after my sibling with agoraphobia, and dealt myself with severe OCD, I understand how frustrating and challenging it must be. But I can also promise it won't last like this forever. It can be a journey, with bad days and good days, positive steps and occasional relapses, but it won't last. As long as you keep wanting to feel better and to move forwards you will get there. Sometimes we don't even notice the changes happening, until one day we look back and realise how far we've come.

Apologies for the long answer(!) Hope this helps in some way.

Very best wishes

[Tropicalxy3_ in reply to NotJim]

Thankyou so much ,

this has helped me massively and I can definitely relate with everything it has made me feel less alone! I will definitely be looking into the batch remedies and you are right anxiety makes us think all these different scenarios which when we do it

It’s never as bad as we think I’m struggling even more so because I’ve had no routine , I’m at a specialist school and without it I’m stuck and then I get into a cycle of not leaving the house and overthink everything I hope your doing ok tho and I understand about thunderstorms because i find them loud and scary I hope your sister is ok because I can understand how frustrating it is !!! And Thankyou so much for reassuring me

Take care (:

[Lizzo30]

Absolutely - my daughter has autism and agrophobia too I think there is a need for local support groups for young people with autism

[Tropicalxy3_ in reply to Lizzo30]

Yes 100% agree