Im 24 years old , Female
my mom and a serious stroke when i was 17
my dad abandon me since 4years cause he got a new girlfriend
am having those problems i mentioned at the tittle there
Im a student , studying Biomedical Science
I Was trying to solve my own problem and
I thought i had Over come with my problem
but Im not. I cant clearly explain exactly how i felt other than lost.
I got no idea what to do for my future.
Sorry to hear that you have had such a tough time. Can you talk to your doctor about this? Perhaps be referred for CBT? Having some support to cope with your problems might be a good idea.
There are some sites on HU that may be useful, like Anxiety Support.
healthunlocked.com/anxietys...
healthunlocked.com/actionon...
healthunlocked.com/anorexia...
Hi there!
thanks for the reply ,
Im new in London, I dont have a GP yet,
and most of the time, I refuse to tell because I feel like -- no matter how many times I tell my story , it just makes no different, and nothing will change.
no matter how good I feel now, those sadness will still visit someday
I accidentally saw this web . so i made a post just to release some inner stress...
anyway, thanks~ you're kind =)
You're right, nothing can change your past experiences but the way you deal with them now can change. If you want to go it alone, you could look around for some useful books on the subject, as you are not the first person to have been affected by these kinds of experiences. Look in the psychology or self help sections.
Hi dian please get some help don't do it alone. My mother suffered from anorexia all her life. So I can understand what you are going through. You will have good days and bad days. Things will change if you get help. Xx
hi Nottobad, Hows your mom now? does she getting better?
Im better now , I didnt binge , I didnt starve myself but I just cant get happy because I choose just eat when I felt hungry, or want to, so now, im not happy with my body shape, did you mom visit a doctor before ? I try to talk to a psychologist before, it didnt help any plus I felt embarrass that... he knew my problem ....
haha
One good thing that solves such issues is talking to someone about it. Get out the house and speak to someone helps you take the mindset off everything once you learn to control your mind. Exercise regularly or do any kind of sports. Things get better.
I had similar issues and thanks to my friends i was able to overcome my problems. I dance a lot so the music and dancing kept my mind away from thinking about it alot.
Hope that helps. 
Regards
Makesh
It sounds like you could possibly benefit from an another form of therapy too, it is something that I would agree with the above user to look into, when you're ready
Hi Dian0409; First off take a deep breath and calm down, keeping studying what you are doing right now. Do talk physiotherapy, it really does help and you don't need to take drugs. I think once you do this you see the other problems in your life get much easier to manage.
Keep us posted on how your doing.
No sympathy here. There is no problem to solve. There are lots of things to learn and things to let go of.
You are studying biomedical science so I suspect you at university. This should enable you to find a religious group that you find comfortable with. All religious traditions have exercises and techniques to handle the things you complain of. They also have the things that will make you better in yourself.
Joining a religious group that you gel with will give you a foundation of self.
This will take time. Enjoy the journey of experiencing all the things you need to experience. A man said over 2000 years ago: "The road of life is wide. The gateway to life is narrow. Few go that way."
I am a Buddhist and have listened to many a Buddhist monk and read many of their Dhamma talks given on their mindfulness experience. What you describe some of the Buddhist monks I have listened to also have described although not exactly similar.
Hope this helps.
Hi there, thanks for your suggestions, I got no religion, but my parents are Buddhist too, I love to read those meaningful quotes and study some philosophy , but Im not a religion person ... Im not hating any, erm..., i m just cant get into any...
Anyway, thanks for your attention, I appreciated it =D
Diana04409: The first thing you must do is to take the work CAN'T out of your vocabulary, it is a very negative word and it holds you back from everything you want to do now and in the future. I have witnessed what a Youth Group in a church can do for people in your age bracket and with what you are dealing with. It gave them direction in life, it gave them good friends and they started making better decisions for themselves. You don't have to be religious or show your faith, just believe in God. In can tell you that if it wasn't for God I wouldn't be here today. I was born with a hole in my heart that no one knew anything about until I was 58 yrs old. I was a very sick child and never should have lived, I know in my heart it was God who kept me going and is still keeping me going. God has a plan for everyone of us, if you choose to follow it. I didn't realize until a few years ago what the plan was that God wanted me to do, I started taking Seminary courses and I love doing it. I have had to take some time off due to COPD, Heart Failure and pulmonary hypertension but I have every intention of getting back to those classes and be a fill in minister to the churches in my area. I am American Baptist. Give things a try before you rule them out so quickly.
Cheers!! everybody got their own problem, but good thing you know how to handle it, Im not giving up tho , still tying hard to get well too, I did look out some ideas to solve my problems through the internet, and I hope that someday , I may fully recover and be a healthy and happy one.
Good to know your story and thanks for sharing ~
god bless ya ^_^
hope you have a nice day ~
Im sorry to hear you have had such tough breaks, but you have done really well to get to Uni, well done, for all you have had such a difficult past, you can be proud if your achievement, good for you!
Uni stress can mean you don't sleep well at night. So that could be the cause of the sleeping problems you have. You need your subconscious to learn how to switch off and allow your body to sleep.
Exercise helps you sleep, if you are tired your body will nod off. But I wonder if you take any exercise if you don't have time because of your studies, but it may help. A full day of gardening at our local community garden sends me right off to sleep exhausted, and the people are so nice and it feels really good to 'give something back' to the community!
Because of your eating disorder, you probably don't have the food in your system long enough to get the benefit of it to give you the energy you need to take exercise though. Its a control thing, but tbh, how can not eating/purging solve the problems you had when you were little, it cant, there must be another way, you know that yourself, you are clever, its just facing the fact that you need to change that's daunting after so long using it as your coping mechanism.
Then there is the possible feelings of abandonment by both your parents (although you know your mum couldn't help it it doesn't change that she wasn't the mum you needed her to be). My dad abandoned me for a girlfriend, and I have issues with that too, but I'm trying to get over it - its his loss to be honest as I'm super awesome, and its taken a few years but I'm not so bothered about it now
So when you put it all together all the issues are linked. The food to give you energy, the energy to do exercise, the exercise to sleep, the sleep to recover from the day and be ready for studying, the studying to get a good qualification and job you love and be happy, the past issues not yet resolved making you sad, the food to give you energy to go to work where you are happy....Its all tied up in a chain, if you break a link then it doesn't hold together so well. And as all the links are attached, you need to address all of the issues you have to fix them. And you have been very brave in posting here and its the first step, you can do this, you just need professional help. We all do at some point, and if you feel that talking about it hasn't helped, then you haven't talked enough or met the right counsellor. It took me two to really bond with one and she was tremendous. I'm sure your next one will be too, you just need to take another step and go for it. I know its stressful but you cant go on like this, or you will end up in hospital. Look at Karen Carpenter of the Carpenters, fab singing voice, all the money and success in the world, and she still wasn't happy and eventually her body expired aged 32 because she hadn't looked after it properly and hid her problems and didn't seek help enough. I'm not saying this will happen to you, only that people of all ages, wealth, whatever have problems, me included, and we all need to do the best we can to get over them, with help if required.
The advice about religion which has previously been given can be helpful, its nice to feel part of a 'family' who cares and is there for you. But its not for everyone and that's fine. Sometimes good friends are as good as family tbh! My pal certainly is, I met her though a hobby we both love. Hobbies are great, mine being gardening as you now know, and its been my saviour when I have been down. But its nothing compared to professional help. You just need to take the steps forward, the first one being to get a GP. You never know when you will need one, get registered now. Sometimes we just have to do these things to move forward, I changed my GP but that's how I met the other councillor who sorted me out, so although stressful and scary to get a new GP, totally worth it!
And on a slightly different subject, try asking the universe/god/angels/lady luck/whomever for what you want. It does no harm to ask and nobody will know you said it alone in your room! if you tell yourself something often enough you will believe it (and that's why we never tell a child its ugly or stupid, as it will grow up believing that, so that theory is true).
You'll get there, you just need to go for it. Nobody said life is easy, but its a learning curve, and when you get over this I wonder if you will end up being a psychologist or something instead where you can help other people overcome their problems
Go get the GPs details now and get registered this week. Baby steps! Get started now! Be honest with yourself and him/her that you need help. That's what we pay taxes for!
Good luck
Hi sunny smile ^^ you are a person that just like your nick name, so positive plus shine and bright. Nice to meet you here =) For me, Uni got not so much stress for me since I had learned some of those before.
I did exercise at least 3 times a week regularly since I enjoy badminton a lot. I just cant fall asleep even though was exhausted. But you’re right, I need to learn how to switch off and allow my body to sleep, and I was reading some helpful article few days ago, I guess it helps a bit.
I agreed that you said ‘ it feels really good to 'give something back' to the community!’ cause I got the same feelings too!
I see you got some confusion about my eating disorder, I am willing to tell you the reason. To get in to uni was not easy for me and all my friends and relatives were not supporting me to choose this course, but at the end I decided to go for what I want, so I moved away from my country to another country to study.
And this is the reason why I got the eating disorder, the first time I went to a new place I got no friend and I know no one plus I don’t understand the local language, I was alone most of the time and I got nothing to do. I sort of compensate my boredom to food and I freak out when the time I realized that I cant wear my jeans anymore. So, let’s talk about my past, I am a pretty, tall slim and confidence person to my friends. Im lucky, I got a model’s outlook , since everybody were against me and not supporting me before so I felt like want to proof something to them, like – I’ll be fine, good, and successful at the end of the day. I don’t want being look down from anyone. So, I got hard time to understand at the first semester of my course, and I worried I’ll fail the subjects, at the same time I gained a lot of weight. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want they nonstop making fun of me in the future. So… this is how I got my eating disorder.
Thanks for your suggestions and also the positive cycle for me, The food to give you energy, the energy to do exercise, the exercise to sleep, the sleep to recover from the day and be ready for studying, the studying to get a good qualification and job you love and be happy, the past issues not yet resolved making you sad, the food to give you energy to go to work where you are happy. This is really good! Yea, I should change the way I thought sometimes.
I know some about at Karen Carpenter, I love her voice too, some of the songs like ‘yesterday once more’. Actually, I’m getting better, I’m happier, and cheerful. But you know sometimes, those bad feeling just came back suddenly without any warning and I haven’t ready for it.
I learned to take everything easy, go slow and steady, not to rush. Other than badminton, I’ll do some reading during the spare time, I love psychology and also philosophy, am interested to body language too. Am trying to run the day otherwise the day will run me!! haha
I enjoy cooking or have meal with my friends after the class, I’m much much better than before, but still couldn’t sleep properly, I thought I had overcome all my problems but somehow still had the bad dreams that I became FAT and ugly, or my dad hitting my mom or wanting to divorce with my mom or etc. those are just imagination but feels so real. Anyway, was just a bad dream not a bad life, I tried to help others from negative situation too, because I knew that, that’s so tough to face it alone, I tried to talk to them, give them some advice, that’s why I said I agreed with you, its happy to give =D, but, you know, I always can help others, apply some psychology skill on it, but I can’t help myself, haha
I’m trying to balance myself, being positive, try to be the sunshine to warm up everybody’s heart like you who trying to talk to me and help me =) I really appreciated it. I’d love to have your advice in the future too! Cheers!! (could help me improve my English at the same time!) please feel free to correct me, I’ll be very grateful, haha
Will get a new GP soon, at the end, I wish you enjoy and have a nice day.
May your sunrise brings you hope and may your sunset brings you peace! I hope you’re all good !
Cheers!!
thanks, could you please help me to get those information =)
this is my email, dian0409@gmail.com
thank you very much peter ~
you're a nice person =)
thanks! I received the email !
thanks for your help =D
wish you have a nice day and everyday single day in the future =D
cheers!
Hi,
Glad to hear you are ok, you sound such a nice person! You made me feel like I was helping you and that makes me happy, even to be of assistance in a small way, as I like to do good and feel that what I put into life I will get back out of it, and you have cheered me up too
Another thing that I forgot to mention trying is yoga and tai-chi Qigong. I got dvds for them in a charity shop and do them at home and it helps to relax me a lot when I am stressed in body and mind, and its cheaper than a massage, acupuncture or reiki, all of which work very well on me, but aren't free! Try doing that regularly and see if it slows your mind down as well as your body? I forgot about those, must get those dvds out myself this weekend and enjoy them, it has been a busy week, I can spare myself 20 minutes of self-help, the ironing can wait....!
When I kept waking up during the night thinking about work, I got told a tip of leave a pen and paper at your bedside so if you remember something important you can write it down in the middle of the night and not have to have a half-sleep trying to remember it and being afraid you will forget. I do that too, then I don't have to worry about forgetting something. I recently had a spell of waking up because I was stressed at work during the day, but I have sorted stuff out and haven't been so hard on myself ("if I cant get everything done that's ok, there is a lot, I can get the rest later") and I am ok again and sleeping through again.
When you shared your history that just showed what a brave person you are, to do something that was important to you even though your family didn't understand it. I have a friend like that, her family wanted to work at the local factory like her parents did, and she said no way and put herself through uni to became a doctor of psychology and has her own practice, so it just shows the strength of someone's character that they can overcome so much and so so well. She had a bad childhood and she overcame it. Howd I guess you too were interested in the mind, I am too!!
Did you notice that all the bad things you dreamed about are all things that you had no control over? And the eating disorder you THOUGHT you had control over, but the reality is that as you say, it comes back when you least expect it, so you didn't really have control over that either! It goes back to therapy, I know its quite a thought and its easier to avoid it and think that you can pick that up later, but I think it would help you if you can do it at some point. They probably have a good one at uni who will have seen everything, as students do come from all over the world with different cultural backgrounds and health issues.
The truth is that a good counsellor will help you recognise behaviour patterns so you can stop them in their tracks and not get to the stage you freak out. I too have issues with weight and not fitting my clothes and now I am getting older it makes me feel ugly too, (every day there is a new wrinkle, whats that all about...) but the beauty comes from within and that's something new for me to learn about. I know beautiful ladies at work, but they have a horrible inside, not kind, not nice at all, bitter and unhappy and concern themselves with new clothes and perfect hair and makeup to cover their flaws and hide behind. I would rather be me, a bit overweight but nice inside, than them. I wonder if that's why I got fat, to go on this journey and learn about the real me. But I do have to address the fat issues as its unhealthy, and I want to get back into my favourite clothes (which will probably be in fashion again by then ha ha - you should have seen the size of the spider that came out of my wardrobe I keep my small size clothes in, its probably living in there still, that's how long its been since I went in there, it probably has a whole family in there - but as long at they eat the earwigs and stay in the wardrobe and not on my carpets I don't mind)!
Do please get registered with a doctor, you never know when you need medical help even for a sore foot or a tummy problem or something random! And if you live in an area of high social depravation like I do, there may be a drop in counselling centre that you can go to on a bad day. We have that here and I think its good rather than having to wait weeks for an appointment, they have free water, tea and coffee, and some of the old people with mental health issues have started a knitting bee (group) there, so it feels very friendly when you go in all stressed out and they are clicking their knitting needles and talking about some tv programme, its like being at your grannies house, all safe and happy.
All the best sweetie, and by the way, your English is very good for a second language
x
Hi Dian,
I have been where you are. I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder 10 years ago and had a relapse last year due to the death of my mum. I am just approaching the end of my counselling now and have my eating back under control.
I can't say that specific things will work for you as i am sure that we are all different with different causes and symptoms for our problems, but i will say this:
There is support out there if you want it...You can access counselling by specialist eating disorder services without going to your GP (look up NELFT on the web)...that's what i did as my GP didn't understand our type of eating disorder (he'd only come across anorexia and bulimia). I now attend a specialist eating disorder clinic every week and speak to a therapist and a dietitian. The therapist is great....she has helped me work through and come to terms with my childhood, how i feel about myself and my anxiety and depression. It is a relief to be able to talk openly about your life to a complete stranger who once you finish treatment, you will never see again and they are bound by confidentiality laws....so its like digging a hole and pouring all your thoughts and feelings in for them to be buried so nobody can ever see them!
Also, university can be extremely stressful ( i am in my 2nd year of uni now studying nursing so i know how you feel). It is really important to get some 'down time' between studying...find something you really love to do and allow yourself the time to do it (i love to walk alone in the woodland or put some music on and a have a crazy dance session in my living room). What ever it is, it will help you to decompress and relieve some of the anxiety.
I also read a good book...."Overcoming binge eating" by Dr Christopher G. Fairburn....It really helped me to regain some control before i was first diagnosed and felt unable to seek professional help.
I hope, whatever you decided to do, that you can be happy and free of the eating disorder and your past.
Always here if you need someone to chat to.
Jules
I'm new here, possibility of cancer & how to make my gp take me seriously?
Probiotics - many dubious health claims